'AITA for accusing my GF of cheating on me? I found her pregnancy test.' UPDATED 3X

"AITA for accusing my GF of cheating on me?"

So my girlfriend and I have been together for just under a year. We don’t live together and both work full time and we are exclusive, as far as I’m aware. About a 3 months ago, I notice my girlfriend spending a lot of time on the phone with her “friend” Jesse. She says that Jesse is a good friend and that’s it. However she often spends anytime she can on the phone with him, even when her and I are out.

Their conversations don’t lead me to think anything but about 1.5 months ago, my girlfriend says she’s going to visit Jesse who lives two states over. I can’t go cause I have to work. Of course I tell her that I’m not comfortable with her visiting a male friend out of state but she says that Jesse is just a friend.

She will be staying at his place but Jesse is also a single father of two young boys so my girlfriend assures me nothing will happen. Despite me voicing my opinion, my gf takes the trip and shares her location to put my mind at ease. She returns a week later and we move on with life. However, about two weeks ago, my girlfriend asks me to go to our local Target to pick up an online order she had placed.

She tells me she ordered shampoo and a few hygiene items. I agree and go to pick up her order. When I get to the customer service counter and give them her name, they bring out a bag with a pregnancy test in it. Shocked and confused, I tell them that this what she ordered.

I check the name and phone number attached to the bag and find it matches my girlfriend’s number so it couldn’t have been another girl with the same name. They bring out the bag with the items she told me to get and I leave without asking more questions about the pregnancy test.

Shocked and confused by this cause there was no real way that I could have potentially impregnated her (we use protection). I later ask her why there was a pregnancy test at target in her name. At first she says she has no idea and she did not order a pregnancy test.

I asked her to show me her Target App to prove it and she says that it was probably her sister since her sister uses her target account to order things sometimes. She also claims that women sometimes use pregnancy test to regulate their PMS or for other things other than to determine if they’re pregnant.

I don’t know about how this works but she assures me that she’s not pregnant and that test wasn’t a sign of her cheating when she was on a trip. The other night we go out to dinner and she makes it a point to prove that she isn’t pregnant by ordering a few cocktails. AITA for accusing my girlfriend for cheating on me while she was away? I’m so paranoid but also don’t have real proof that she did.

Edit: Needed to clarify the part about the pregnancy test. The pregnancy test was part of a separate online order. She asked me to pick up her online order at target which she said consisted of shampoo, deodorant and some lotion. When I went to the counter and told them her name, they brought out the bag with the pregnancy test.

I said this isn’t what she told me was her order so they checked again and brought out the second bag with the right stuff as previously mentioned.

After checking the info off both bags, I confirmed that both orders were under her name/account so I believe she secretly placed an online order for a pregnancy test and planned to get that later while asking me to get her shampoo. The pregnancy test was NOT in the same bag as the stuff she asked me to get.

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

Update: I never saw the pregnancy test after that, so I don’t know if that truly was an order she made by mistake or if her sister used her Target account to order that got herself.

However I did bring up the fact that her sister lives about 20 minutes from her and has a target much closer to her so why would she place an order for a pregnancy test and have the pickup location further from her house? Even if her local target was all out, I find it hard to believe that her sister would order a pregnancy test under her account and pick it up near her house.

The commenters had a lot to say in response.

chaoticbeeping wrote:

The lack of honesty is definitely concerning, as I (34F) have never known of or heard about women using pregnancy tests to regulate periods. I have many times, however, heard about birth control failing and pregnancy coming from it. The only 100% effective method of birth control is for no sperm fluids going anywhere near coochie. Rare stuff happens.

WhIteMIrror wrote:

You’re showing your lack of basic understanding of contraception success with your comment about it definitely not being possible that you’ve impregnated her, but her behaviour is what’s making this suspicious.

tangential_quip wrote:

Anyone who thinks "we use protection" means can't possibly be pregnant really is just showing their ignorance. But people who write fake stories like this usually are ignorant.

Genoflower wrote:

Sure, the pregnancy test could have been placed in her order by error, but then she'd have just shown you the app to prove she didn't order it and wouldn't have blamed her sister. She also wouldn't have lied about women using pregnancy tests to regulate PMS - this is absolutely not the truth and you should be insulted by this lie.

The only thing pregnancy tests are used for is to determine if women are pregnant. That's it. She has changed the story like 5 times, and you want to believe her so much that you are starting to believe her. Her having cocktails proves nothing except that the pregnancy test was negative.

She went to stay with Jesse despite your reservations about it, lied about the pregnancy test, and is making you think you are paranoid for thinking she cheated - without protection, probably.

After receiving some feedback, OP jumped on with another update.

So I went into a panic last night after reading all the comments so while she was out at work last night, I went to her apartment (she gave me a key) and found her iPad. I tried putting her birthday as a password and to my amazement, it worked. Yes I know what I did was dishonest but I had to know if she cheated on me.

I looked at her messages and confirmed that she INDEED hook up with Jesse while on this trip. I’m so devastated and was a nervous wreck last night. My next move is to figure out how to break up with her and tell her how I found out. Thank you all.

Then a day later, OP shared a longer update.

Thank you all for those that commented on my post yesterday concerning my girlfriend and my belief that she cheated on me. So as an update, I realize that although my GF and I have protested s#@, the chances of me getting her pregnant is possible. However, I strongly believe that despite our intimacy, I couldn’t have possibly impregnated my GF.

Not to be disgusting and personal, but I NEVER “finish” inside of her because I want to reduce our chances of having kids until we’re both ready. That’s why when I saw the pregnancy test, I immediately thought she cheated on me.

Anyways I went into a panic last night after hearing all the comments and freaked out so I went to her apartment while she was at work (she gave me a key) and I found her iPad. I tried using her birthday as the password and to my amazement it worked. I immediately go through her messages and find evidence that she in fact had sex with her friend Jesse.

I’m honestly so devastated by this and I’ve been such a nervous wreck since last night. I haven’t ate and I’ve barely slept. Yes I know what I did, secretly going through her iPad and messages was wrong, but I had to know if she was cheating on me and if that pregnancy test she secretly order was cause Jesse may have knocked her up.

Now I’m waiting to confront her but I honestly don’t know how. How do I tell my GF that I know she cheated? AITA for going through her iPad and messages? Part of me feels wrong for this but you have no idea how much it hurts to know she did this. She was my first real gf in a long time and now I feel like an after thought.

Edit: As far as I know, she is NOT pregnant. She wanted to prove this by having a few cocktails when we went to to dinner last week. There’s no baby involved, thank god.

The internet continued to share their thoughts.

Trespasserswill wrote:

How interwoven are your lives?

Obviously you have to dump her. The best way is with the least drama, so if you can ghost and move on, that's ideal.

But if that's not possible, distract yourself from your pain by dealing with the logistics of leaving. Do you need a place to stay? Are there money issues to work out? If you don't want to tell her about the iPad, just tell her you want to break up. Tell her you're breaking up over Jesse.

Tell her you're breaking up because you don't believe her about the test. It's not a court if law, you can break up for whatever you want. And if she is so offended at you invading her privacy, let her do you the favor of dumping you over it. If she had been pregnant with Jesse's baby, what are the chances you'd have ended up fathering his child?

If she got an STD from rawdogging with him, what are the chances she would have told you to protect you? It is impossible to imagine what good will come from a confrontation. You can't believe anything she will tell you in response. Whatever explanation or excuse will be a desperate lie, not an honest sharing.

lollipopmusing wrote:

FYI dude just because you're pulling out doesn't mean you won't get a girl pregnant. Seriously do some actual research on this because one day you're going to get a girl pregnant with this "method" and cause drama because you don't understand that pulling out doesn't fucking work.

JackBO4133 wrote:

Wait till she’s at work. Go back into the apartment open the iPad again leave it on the messages that prove to you cheated. Leave your key on the iPad with a note that says we’re finished. Don’t contact me.

Xeroid wrote:

I wouldn't ever tell her how you know. Just let her guess how, she doesn't deserve an explanation. Just say "I recently found out you hooked up with another man" and that "you and I are through. I refuse to tolerate your behavior." Leave it at that and block her everywhere. If she asks how you know just tell her that it's not important.