'AITA for accusing my girlfriend of trying to baby trap me?'
"AITA for accusing my gf of trying to baby trap me?"
I am completely at a loss of what I should do. My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years, we both met when we were 20. And I did think about marrying this girl eventually because she's everything I am looking for in a partner.
When we got together, I told her that I have absolutely no desire for kids, even adopting is not an option for me and she always assured me that that is completely okay and she respects my choice.
So far so good - we moved in together several months ago, but this is when things slowly began changing and I only am putting everything together now. My girlfriend would do things like send me baby tiktoks, or show me pictures of nursing rooms on pinterest.
I always commented that they looked nice, and she seemed kinda dreamy about it. I always kinda assumed this was temporary baby fever and didn't really think anything of it. Then my girlfriend would start talking to my mother about kids. She wanted to see baby pictures of me, asked her what it was like to raise me, etc. etc.
At this point I started getting suspicious because even my mom suddenly said "oh your gf would be the perfect mother to your children" when, once again, the idea of becoming a father makes me sick.
This has been going on for a while, but recently my girlfriend has started buying baby clothes, when I asked her about it she claimed it was just because she thought it was cute. I highly doubt that. Obviously she's been trying to tell me that she wants a baby but without outright telling me.
Now I've reached the stage of panic. I know my girlfriend uses birth control, but she could very easily stop doing that and I probably wouldn't notice. Within the last few days, I refused to have any intimacy with her and she is really upset about it. I just told her I wasn't really feeling well but she didn't accept that as an answer.
A few hours ago she sat me down and asked me to spill what was going on with me and why I've become so nervous around her. I just kinda blurrted out "I don't want a baby" and she asked me what I was going on about. I explained to her what I've been noticing.
She said I was insane for thinking that she would attempt to become pregnant with our child without my permission. She left to stay with a friend now, and I am, completely confused.
There is no way I misread those signs, and I feel like the way she's been wanting intimacy lately kinda speaks for my assumption with the birth control. I feel like throwing up at the idea that she might already be pregnant. Am I overreacting? How do I properly explain myself?
EDIT:
I didn't expect this post to take of in the way it did and I am trying to get through as many comments as I can. I do want a vasectomy but I don't live in the US and the doctors I spoke to told me I shouldn't get one because I am too young and I will change my mind according to them.
Second, I did not leave "it up to my girlfriend" when it comes to pregnancy. We do use condoms, but given, not all the time if we don't have some with us.
Third: I am genuinely thankful for some of the advice I've been given. I really do love her but kids is a deal breaker for me, and I will openly discuss that boundary with her again and I think until then I just cannot do anything about the way I feel.
I admit that I could've handled this differently but I think my anixety just took over and I f'd up an opportunity to have a normal conversation because I've been driving myself insane. I genuinely hope this isn't the end of our relationship.
Here's what top commenters had to say:
cthulularoo said:
Why are you suspecting her of babytrapping you and not using a condom? Just start using condoms. If she asks why, just say you want to be sure that you don't get her pregnant. If she has a problem with that, then you're probably on the right track.
Selmo20 said:
Surely the better conversation was 'have you changed your mind on kids because of this I've noticed?' Rather than admitting you think she'd baby trap you as that displays a level of distrust I would presume the same though as someone who isn't planning on kids doesn't need to buy baby clothes. Give her time to calm down.
Humble_Pen_7216 said:
Dude. Birth control. If you don't want a kid, take responsibility for your own reproduction. She's on birth control? Good for her.... But she's not on BC for you. If you adamant you don't want kids ever, get a vasectomy. In the mean time, use condoms with spermicide.
Don't leave this to chance (by the way, no birth control is 100% - you should be using a minimum of two types, preferably three, to be as safe as possible). I have zero sympathy for men who don't want kids but don't properly take preventive measures. Also, end the relationship if you don't trust her (you don't trust her based on the fact that already accused her)
ElephantNo3640 said:
Your reaction is fine as long as you didn’t outright accuse her of actually baby trapping you. If you did that, apologize. Also FFS dude, if you don’t want a kid then at least wrap it up.
Small_Frame1912 said:
Yeah, "babytrapping" is a really cruel jump. You should have just asked what was up. You just showed you don't trust her and think she's a crazy person.