'AITA for asking a woman to teach her autistic son boundaries? He's very touchy.' UPDATED

"AITA for asking a woman to teach her autistic son boundaries?"

My grandmother became friends with a family who a few years ago moved to her same neighborhood, they have a son with autism, he is 16 years old. I lived my entire childhood with my grandmother and a few months ago I returned to live with her because someone must take care of her because of some problems that happened.

My grandmother has always been really friendly and the boy's mother always goes to her house with her son and his babysitter. I've been doing a few dialogues with them and the guy has started to get more trusting with me. He is non-verbal, his way of communicating is touching people and he gets too close for my liking.

I don't like physical contact and it bothers me that people don't respect personal space but I try to be respectful. When the guy comes up close to rubbing his nose against my cheek (that's how close he gets, it's his way of Communicating) I walk away but he continues following me, his family finds him adorable and they are happy that he is comfortable with me but I am not.

They even started making jokes that he's in love with me. I'm an adult, there's nothing funny or cute about saying those kind of things. I have asked the boy to please keep his distance from me but he does not listen to me, I have tried to make him respect my limits but it does not happen and he even follows me to my room sometimes.

Anyway, a few days ago I approached the mother alone and told her that I feel uncomfortable when someone gets so close to me, that she should teach him to have limits with some people because in the future that could bring him problems.

She just said to me "Sisi, thank you for the advice" but now I have found out that she complained about me to my grandmother and did not come to visit her because she says she felt uncomfortable that I discriminated her son.

I really don't think I said anything wrong, in my internship I have worked with people with autism and their families correct those behaviors but even my mother told me that I was wrong so I don't know.

Not long after posting, OP shared a small update.

Edit: Yes, when I feel uncomfortable I leave the room. But I live there and he follows me around even to my room. I can't avoid walking in the house just because they're there, it's the place where I literally live. I think I have the right to be able to walk around the house feeling comfortable, I don't want to live locked up. I also can't leave the house because I'm in charge of taking care of my grandmother.

He listens and obeys his parents, even his babysitter when they tell him to do or not do something. I've already explained to him hundreds of times about my limits and said clearly 'No' but he doesn't listen to me and his parents thinks it's cute when he follows me, so I had to talk to his mother.

The internet had a lot of thoughts about the situation.

101037633 wrote:

NTA.

Autism is not an excuse to invade another’s personal space. He does need to be taught, gently, to respect this distance.

Honestly? I’m autistic. I hate being touched at the best of times. I can tolerate it, if it’s someone I know, but will move off quickly. Someone like him. I’m going to react first. Usually before my brain connects properly. I’ve punched quite a few people, screamed, melted down, and had a panic attack. I’ve heard the excuse, they’re autistic. Well, so am I. And touch is not something I can take.

Impossible_Rain_4727 wrote:

Info: How developmentally disabled is he? Like, he needs to be able to understand your boundaries in order to respect them. That determines how much personal responsibility he has in this situation.

Like, is he 'just not listening to you' - or does he lack the ability to comprehend you?

OP responded:

He hears his parents when they tell him to do something, in fact he also hears his babysitter when she tells him to not do something so I think he's just not listening to me 🤔

Solid-Fox2979 wrote:

NTA. Autistic person here. Everyone is allowed to have their own body boundaries. That’s a safety rule. If someone doesn’t feel comfortable being touched, it’s reasonable to ask not to be touched. Honestly this kid is 16 and non-verbal, his parents should have gotten him tools to communicate that are more than touching people.

The parents are doing him a disservice if they haven’t given him other tools like picture cards, a pen and paper, sign language, or an AAC tool. While some autistics struggle to understand body boundaries, it’s still something I believe can and should be taught, at minimum for the safety of the kid.

MarySweetie665 wrote:

NTA. Personal space is important, and it's okay to set boundaries, especially when you're feeling uncomfortable. It's essential for everyone, regardless of their neurodiversity, to learn and respect these limits.

Maybe you could work together with his mom and a professional to find ways for him to interact that are comfortable for both of you. It sounds like a tough situation, but standing up for your comfort isn’t discrimination-it’s self-care.

SeaSoulwww wrote:

NTA. As someone on the autism spectrum, I say that you are totally valid for feeling this way. Being autistic is not an excuse to invade people's personal space. I'm not saying he's doing that on purpose, but his parents definitely should talk to him, since based on some of your replies he actually listens to them.

Bloodystupidjohnson3 wrote:

NTA. You are uncomfortable. You didn’t yell at the kid. You politely talked with the mother one-on-one. As written, you did nothing wrong. People joking that he is in love with you is creepy.