'AITA for asking my fiancé to reconsider her best friend’s role at our wedding?'
"AITA for asking my fiancé to reconsider her best friend’s role at our wedding?"
I (27M) am getting married to my fiancé (26F) next summer. We’ve been planning everything together, and it’s honestly been really nice to go through this process as a team. The only bump in the road so far has been her best friend, “Lily.”
Lily is her closest friend, practically a sister to her. She’s been there through a lot of ups and downs, and they have a strong bond that I really respect. Lily’s also her Maid of Honor, which is important to my fiancé and something I fully supported at first.
But recently, I’ve started to worry about how Lily might handle that responsibility. She has a very outgoing, energetic personality—she loves being the center of attention, and she’s the type to go big in any social setting. It’s not usually a problem, but sometimes she can take things a little too far.
For example, she’s hinted about making her speech “unforgettable” and has made a few comments that make me wonder if she’s planning some kind of surprise or moment that might end up being more about her than us. I know she means well, but I’m worried that her energy might take away from the atmosphere my fiancé and I want to create.
I brought this up to my fiancé as gently as I could, suggesting that maybe her sister or one of her other close friends could be Maid of Honor instead, just to keep things a bit simpler. I explained that I’m concerned about things going off-course or feeling a bit too focused on someone else.
But she was really hurt by the suggestion. She told me that Lily is the one person who has been there for her during some of the hardest moments of her life, and that she can’t imagine anyone else standing beside her in that role.
Now I’m stuck between feeling guilty for asking her to make such a big change and worried about how the day could turn out if my concerns are valid. I want this day to be special for both of us, and I’m not trying to create any tension over something that could maybe work itself out. AITA for asking her to reconsider? Should I just trust that everything will be fine and let it go?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Caregiver-Past said:
Soft YTA. You're worrying and causing drama about a hypothetical situation. There's a reason she chose her friend to be MOH, and you should trust your fiancés choice.
sporadiccreative said:
NTA but you asked, your fiancé shot you down and now you need to let it go. One speech isn’t going to make or break your wedding day.
no_good_namez said:
YTA for jumping to asking that Lily be replaced instead of talking to your fiancee about your specific concerns and how to ensure that Lily respects your mutual preferences for your wedding.
You tried to dictate to your fiancée instead of strategizing with her. Your options aren’t binary. Your concerns are valid but the way you raised them was not a good approach to problem solving.
Purple_Ambition_317 said:
YTA - it's her choice, let her deal with the consequences if there are any. There's a reason she picked her, you need to honour and respect her choice.
Jerseygirl2468 said:
NTA for your concerns for your fiancée, but I think you have to trust her on this, and it’s her decision. If Lily is who she wants as MOH, that’s who she should have. If you push any further and try to make her have to choose, it’s not going to go well.
hatchorion said:
YTA for judging this person for what they haven’t done yet, I’d say let it go and then you can complain after the fact if anything goes poorly.
Excellent-Count4009 said:
YTA. Instread of trying to remove her MOH, ask your fiancée to sit down with you and set rules for the MOH speach and any wedding games.
Thermicthermos said:
NTA. Pretty much my only regret about my wedding is not pushing back on who my wife chose to be MOH. She also chose a friend who tends to make everything about herself, and we had to cancel all speeches because she got too drunk to be trusted to give a speech and we didn't want to cause a scene by singling her out.