'AITA for being hurt that my family didn't celebrate me getting engaged?'
"AITA for being hurt that my family didn't celebrate me getting engaged?"
I (27f) got engaged in September. My previous relationship was toxic and abusive, and my parents were very unsupportive. Fast forward and I am with the most amazing, kind hearted, loving and supportive guy I have ever met.
My parents love him (32m). When we got engaged, he took me to a holiday home, proposed and we spent a romantic weekend away enjoying being loved up and celebrating our exciting next step.
He even called my work and organised me the monday off so I could have an extra long weekend because he is so thoughtful. When I was calling and messaging people to tell them our news my mum didn't answer the phone so I messaged her and I got literally a one word response "congratulations".
About a week after it was my mums 60th birthday so we got together as a family to celebrate with a dinner at my house and I thought maybe someone would bring attention to our exciting news...we had champagne which I supplied but still no toast or even just a "I'm so happy for you both".
AITA for feeling hurt by this lack of excitement and recognition for this HUGE milestone in my life? Should I not expect so much of my family? I don't expect a big party or a gift or anything huge but a bit more recognition than a simple congratulations message over facebook would have been nice...
Let's see what readers thought:
therap0yspide writes:
YTA. Not because your feelings are hurt, your feelings are valid... but because of the expectations and entitlement that is being shared. There are a lot of problematic features in this story that are being masked under romance as well, like:
"He even called my work and organised me the monday off so I could have an extra long weekend because he is so thoughtful."
This is highly problematic, depending on where you work. I am wondering if your family isn't a fan of this guy as much as you think they are.
yearong writes:
NAH. Have you been engaged before? Did they know you were getting engaged beforehand? Has anyone else in your family gotten engaged and had a big to do thrown for them?
I hate to say this to people, but getting engaged is something that happens to you and others might not be as excited about it as you are. Especially if you come from what you said was a non-emotional family.
I have a similar situation and when I got engaged the response was basically nonexistent on my side of the family. It honestly was off putting to me how everyone was essentially just like, “okay, that’s great, moving on…”
However, my partner’s family sent cards, gifts, and called us to talk about the wedding and what we were planning to do and when it would be. Totally different response, but it’s because his family is more emotional and tuned it to that kind of stuff.
I think if you are expecting your non-emotional family to suddenly be emotional, you might be asking for too much. However, if they’ve gone overboard in the past to celebrate an engagement for one of your siblings or something, I think you wouldn’t be wrong for feeling a certain type of way.
crao0 writes:
NTA you are never TA for how you feel only how you act and you have done nothing wrong.
But, wow. This is incredibly hurtful. Did your mom never even call you back?? No one even mentioned the engagement at your mom's birthday? Is this typical of your family?
I'm really sorry they are acting like this. Congratulations on your engagement to a good guy!
On the plus side you don' t have to put much thought into splitting up where to be on Christmas. Doesn't sound like they are invested in close family ties. Focus all your best energy on him, and your new life together!