'AITA for being rude to my boyfriend after he withheld salt from me?' 'I was fuming.'
"AITA for being rude to my boyfriend after he withheld salt from me?"
My (F27) boyfriend (M30) are currently on vacation with his family. I have volunteered to cook most nights because I love to cook and am the best at it out of the entire group. This evening, I was making a dish for everyone and asked my boyfriend to please get me an array of seasonings for this specific dish (MSG, soy sauce, pepper, and salt). He then said "if you're using msg do you really need salt?" to which I explained that msg is not salty (has 1/3 of sodium content to regular salt) and that dishes if they are using msg will still typically require salt.
I was cooking outside on a griddle and the dish comes together quickly so I was not able to go back to grab any additional seasonings. I realized shortly afterward that he did not include salt (just 3 of the 4 things I requested) when asked, he said we didn't need it. I tried the food, it was bland so he then proceeded to put on additional soy sauce which it did not need. it needed salt. Either way I was defeated and needed to take it off so I served it as is, without salt.
Everyone upon being served said it needed salt and proceeded to salt their own dishes. My boyfriend stood by his decision and doubled down on his argument that you can't remove salt, but you can add it and that he preferred how it tasted as is. I was fuming because he has done this in the past and says I occasionally over-season/over-salt food. however, it does not happen regularly enough to be an issue. (occasionally accidental) I do 90% of the cooking at home and he loves my food.
We argued about it and he stood his ground that he prefers his food less salty and that if I salted it that he would have been SOL and not been able to eat any of it, however the amount of salt it required was not enough to be overly salted and that I know for a fact the amount of salt I would have used he would have happily eaten it.
I told him his behavior felt controlling and he hit me with: "I could've grabbed more salt myself but again this dish if I stepped away would have burned quickly." AITA for being angry and calling my boyfriend controlling for not just getting me the salt when I asked for it initially?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this:
tinyd71 said:
Of course your boyfriend should be able to control the amount of salt (or other ingredients) in a dish...when he's cooking. His actions do sound controlling (and also rude and ungrateful). Sounds like it might be time for him to put on the chef's hat and gain some perspective (or gratitude)...NTA.
CelesteDesdemina said:
If he had a good reason (someone has extreme high blood pressure) and you wouldn't listen, his actions would make sense. He still would have handled things incorrectly, but atleast he'd have a real reason. As is he's an idiot and you're NTA. If you're petty enough, you could always start making his food without any seasonings. No salt, msg, pepper, spices...just blah. It would mean more work, though. Also, because I AM that petty hide the salt and anything salty before serving.
MrLazyLion said:
NTA. He's training you to bend to his will, no matter how stupid or unreasonable his demands. Do you want to be a partner or somebody's trained pet?
ReviewOk929 said:
NTA - If he wants to be in charge of seasoning he should be the one cooking. I imagine he thinks you'll make a good little house wife someday, with everything done to masters taste...
antizana said:
ESH. Normally it should be up to the chef how to season the food, and he shouldn’t be unilaterally trying to control that. It’s a jerk move. (And also, what does he think soy sauce adds to the dish if not salt??) On the other hand, if he has a lower salt tolerance and consistently finds your cooking too salty, that’s something you should take into account. It is possible to salt a dish later on but he’s right that you can’t un-salt a dish. So that’s also on you for just deciding on his behalf that he’s wrong and continuing to cook food too salty for his taste.
nomoreroger said:
NTA. You hit on one of my peeves. This idea that adding salt after a dish is finished cooking is the same as using it during cooking. By this metric, you should just be able to cook food without any salt or season then dump it all in at the end. Go tell a chef at an Indian restaurant this and see if they agree! You can’t really do that with most species. Herbs tend to be the opposite. They lose flavor if added too soon. Salt is unique since it actually also has a significant impact on protein structure. It is chemistry!
This is generally why most burgers don’t taste that great unless you find the place that mixes the salt and pepper into the ground beef. Make three burger patties… one with no salt and pepper, one with salt and pepper sprinkled on just the outside, and one with it mixed into the ground beef. Then rank the flavor from worst to best. Anyway, you are NTA. His culinary opinions are…defective.
Tabernerus said:
You are framing this like there is an objectively correct level of saltiness in food. There isn’t. He might perceive salt much more strongly than you, meaning he would indeed have been SOL had you salted it to your preferred level. How he went about out it was lousy. He should have used his big-boy words and explained that he was worried it would be too salty for him rather than just omitting it without telling you. NTA, but maybe ask if he regularly finds food too salty and just hasn’t mentioned it.
rockdog85 said:
ESH. Your bf more than you, but if the dude likes his food with less salt than you he's just kinda right. You can add salt to it later if it's undersalted, you can't remove salt from the food if it's too salty. If this has happened multiple times before like you said, what's the issue with just adding the salt later?