'AITA for being such a jerk to my dad's wife after my mom died? She lost it on me.'

'AITA for being such a b-ch to my dad's wife after my mom died?"

My (17F) parents got divorced 6 years ago because my dad was cheating. His wife "Hazel" worked with my mom and knew us so the breakup was bad and my brother (19M) and I didn't think dad was such a good guy after we found out what he did and our relationship with him was never the same.

We never liked his wife and over time I grew to hate her. She expected things to be okay and of course they f--king weren't. I don't know why she was deluded enough to think me and my brother would like her or that mom would care about what happens to her.

Things got way nastier at the same time the divorce was finalized and dad married Hazel. She was pregnant and had a miscarriage a few days before the wedding. She called mom to ask her to take us to the hospital to see her and mom said no. Hazel cried down the phone to mom about the miscarriage and how she needed her family around her and to show compassion.

My mom told her she had no compassion for the woman who broke up her marriage. Hazel called my mom while I was at her and my dad's house (my brother was old enough to stop going by this point) and she told mom she set a bad example and to think about the "sibling" me and my brother lost.

Mom said she was glad it happened to Hazel and dad and that we wouldn't have to deal with a half sibling from them since they were cheating sl-ts (I think she said sl-ts I couldn't hear everything). Hazel went nuts and never forgot what mom said. Once I was old enough I stopped going to dad's house too and I ignored any contact from Hazel and did everything to shut her out.

I still had to speak to dad sometimes so mom wouldn't get in trouble for not encouraging some contact. But Hazel wasn't a part of that. Sometimes she did show up when dad did and she'd be very hostile to mom back and expected us to side with her. My mom was diagnosed with cancer in January and she died 3 weeks ago.

My brother and I were with her and dad came when he heard mom was gone and took us to his house. We didn't want to go but he insisted he needed to be there for us. Hazel was there waiting and tried to hug us and stuff but we shut her down. My brother and I were both crying and I was asking him how we were meant to do all this.

Dad said he was there for that and we needed to lean on him. Then Hazel said the bad influence was finally out of our lives and we could work on our relationships with each other. My brother cursed at her and told her to shut up. Hazel said stuff like that was mom's fault and it was sad how we didn't see mom as the disgusting POS she was.

She said I heard what mom told her on the phone that day and still chose mom. I told her she was twisted if she thought I'd pick my dad's mistress over my own mom and I told her I would never have a relationship with her and she's a disgusting, nasty person and I didn't give a crap what mom said to her because she deserved it all and more.

Hazel lost it and my brother took me to our grandparents. Dad tried to stop us from leaving and tried to make me come back but I said no. I've stayed with my grandparents since and my brother's still here.

My brother and I shut dad out and we didn't tell him anything about the funeral even though he asked. Hazel tried to reach out to me and I ignored her. Then dad and Hazel started texting me to say I need to apologize for being so awful to her and it wasn't her fault mom passed. AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

venturebirdday wrote:

As you are 17, I will share one of life's little secrets. All people are a mess: parents, step-parents, teachers, all of us. Hazel is a mess. The trick is to see her not as someone to be mad at, because that takes up space in your heart and brain, but as someone you might see in the aisle at the grocery. A living breathing human being that has no part in your life.

That person is not worth hate, or anger, or love. They just are. Flawed people are the reality. You just decide which of us messed up people you care about enough to allow into your life, and leave the rest in the aisle at the grocery. I think Hazel is in the freezer section, leave her there and build a life that you want. NTA.

krysantamaria wrote:

NTA. First off, I’m so sorry for your loss—what you’re going through is incredibly difficult, and your emotions are completely valid. Hazel’s behavior is inexcusable, especially just weeks after your mom passed.

Her comments about your mom being a “bad influence” and blaming her for things in front of you were cruel, disrespectful, and completely uncalled for. You were mourning, and instead of showing kindness or understanding, she made everything worse.

It’s also worth mentioning that your dad enabling Hazel’s behavior by demanding you apologize is completely unfair. You’re a teenager grieving the loss of your mother, and they’re asking you to prioritize Hazel’s feelings? That’s not right.

You owe Hazel nothing—certainly not an apology. Protect your peace and stay with the people who are truly supporting you, like your grandparents and brother. Focus on healing and being surrounded by love, and don’t let anyone guilt you into thinking you’re in the wrong here.

Holliemay- wrote:

NTA. Hazel really said “I broke up your family, disrespected your mom, and now I’m the victim??” Girl, what?! The audacity is on sale, and she bought the whole shelf. You don’t owe her a single apology—she’s been messy since day one. Keep chilling with your grandparents and brother; that’s the real support squad.

Accomplished_Squad1658 wrote:

You have such a self control. I would honestly punch her and the dad.

NTA - your dad is the worse dad in the world. Why he brought such a terrible world to your life and then pretend you're the difficult one? Like who the hell bring his mistress to his decease ex-wife funeral?