'AITA for bringing my daughter to my own child-free wedding?' 'We made it very clear.'

"AITA for bringing my daughter to my own child-free wedding?"

​So my husband (M29) and I (F27) just recently got married. We spend almost a year planning the perfect wedding, taking the right precautions, etc.. One of our first rules that we decided was that it was a no-kid wedding. We wanted an environment where we wouldn't have to worry about children running around, getting into things, crying, etc...

We made it very clear on our invitation that we didn't want anyone to bring children under 14. We did however decide that we wanted to bring our daughter (11 months), and I wanted to hold her during the reception and photo taking, and then have a family friend drive her home and wait for the babysitter to get there before coming back. Before we settled on that friend, we asked a few people.

One of the people we asked was my husband's close friend, Darren's, wife Jessica (fake names). She declined because she didn't want to drive, which worked out fine as we were able to find someone else. So on the day of our wedding, after we told everyone several times about the no kids rule, she showed up with her 4-year-old. I was obviously taken aback, but I went to ask her about it.

She told me that "since I was bringing my kid, it was okay if she took hers." Honestly, I was furious. I tried to stay calm and tell her that this is a child-free wedding and she can't let her kid run around, but if she took her kid home she was welcome to come back. She started yelling at me about how since I had a kid it wasn't fair that she couldn't have hers.

Her son at this point was already climbing on things, as she just let him run free. I told her that this was her last chance or she'd need to leave. She rolled her eyes, sat down in a chair, and just watched her son run wild. Eventually, her husband Darren convinced her to get her kid and leave, but it ruined the whole first part of my wedding.

It's been a few weeks now and I've been thinking, maybe I am in the wrong? I said no kids at my wedding but brought my own. A lot of people in my life are also saying it was hypocritical at the least. So, AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

HaveYouTriedNot123 said:

NTA. Your wedding, your rules. And, an unsupervised, unrelated 4 year old is very different to the bride's 11 year old daughter.

No_Philosopher_1870 said:

NTA. Reading the early part of your post, I figured that the baby would be there for at most an hour for picture-taking purposes. It's your wedding, so childfree me would be willing to cut you some slack on bringing the baby. An 11-month old baby is a lot less active than a 4-year old child who appears to have no discipline at all.

That you put a condition of not having children under 14 on the invitation that your friends accepted should have protected you from Jessica bringing her child, That's the invitation that she accepted, and she shouldn't have unilaterally decided to bring her child just because you were bringing your child to the wedding briefly for photos.

1randomaustralian said:

NTA. Bride and groom always has the right of exception to any rule they make for their wedding, ESPECIALLY for their own child that is being included in the ceremony.

Otherwise_Degree_729 said:

NTA. I probably would reconsider the friendships. At this point is not about the rule is about the disrespect. It’s your wedding, her child being there and your child being there aren’t on the same universe. You wanting your child there for a couple of photos is one thing, her bringing her toddler and letting him run around free, I don’t have words for it. To top it off she had the audacity to yell at you.

Usrname52 said:

NTA for telling her that her kid wasn't welcome. Behavior aside, childfree aside, he wasn't invited. There was no seat for him, no meal for him, etc. However, I do think you're kind of an AH for asking a friend...

"Hey, I know you have to arrange/pay for childcare, but instead of enjoying my whole wedding, can you spend an hour of it driving my kid home and keeping an eye on them until the babysitter comes, and then driving back?"

3batsinahousecoat said:

NTA. Her "if you can do it so can I" attitude is flippant and disrespectful. Especially she didn't do anything to manage his behavior.