'AITA for canceling Thanksgiving because my family doesn't like my girlfriend?'

"AITA for canceling Thanksgiving?"

I’m Canadian. I celebrated this s-t last month, but my American family demanded I host their Thanksgiving this year. Not anymore, I’m cancelling.

Okay, some background. I’m 22M and I live in California with my high school sweetheart 22F. I was born in Canada but I’ve lived here most of my life, we flew home and had Thanksgiving with my grandparents last month. That’s not really relevant to the story I’m just pissed at the whole situation. Historically, my family doesn’t like my girlfriend, they think she’s harsh and mean and opinionated.

Those are the things I love about her, but regardless, we were supposed to host this year. I wasn’t very excited and she wasn’t either, but as we’ve gotten older and more serious, she’s started to crave my family’s validation so she wanted to try. I’m going to call her Ruby for this. It started when my mom asked if Ruby was going to be at dinner. I said obviously, where else would she go?

Apparently my mom had told everyone that Ruby was going to be with her family for Thanksgiving and they wouldn’t have to worry about her. She’s not and that was never the plan. My mom demanded I call her. We argued for over an hour. I know Ruby overheard and she’s since told me that she was scared this would happen.

Basically six years of grievances coming to a head and I decided I didn’t want to deal with it, so I cancelled thanksgiving and told my mom to find someone else to host and we would not be appearing. I won’t let Ruby be upset if I has any power over it. My mom called me selfish and said Ruby had brainwashed me, so I told her to go f- herself. AITA?

The internet had OP's back on this.

Dittoheadforever wrote:

You're NTA. It takes a special level of royal A-Hness to demand someone host a dinner while simultaneously expecting him to banish his partner from her own home during the event. Your family is pretty clueless and I can see the light from their A-H aura from the east coast.

Alrestwhenimdead wrote:

Let’s see if I have this right: your GF treats your family like shit and has now become aware that her actions are alienating your family, so she’s demanding an apology dinner disguised as Thanksgiving and you are enabling her behaviour.

Meanwhile, your family assumed your GF wouldn’t attend Thanksgiving and are now demanding that you boot her from your own home so you can celebrate the thanksgiving THEY want. Did I get all that? If so, ESH.

Appropriate_Win9538 wrote:

"As we've gotten older" says a 22 year old...bless your heart.

da_loogie wrote:

ESH. You love that your gf is harsh and mean? Im going to assume some stuff here since you didn't deny her being harsh and mean and validated them instead. So your parents do not like your gf because she has been known to being mean and harsh to (I assume) them. Are you making excuses for your gf as to why she's being a dick?

And yes, saying that that's just how she is or that's her personality is just an excuse to be a dick. On the other side, I don't know why your parents assumed your gf would be gone if you live together. To basically try and get you to tell her not attend in her own home is absurd.

littlebethyblue wrote:

INFO: Like, what kind of 'mean and closed off' are we talking about? Like, is she aggressively sarcastic/mean/flat to any attempts to be nice, does she rebuke them when they talk to her, etc? Is she just not as friendly as they'd like?

nefarious_epicure wrote:

ESH. You can’t disinvite someone from their own house, but “my girlfriend is an asshole and that’s why I love her” and telling your mom to go f--k herself? Yeesh. I guess you’re well suited for each other, which is good, because I don’t think your family is going to want to spend time with either of you.

these_mycologist132 wrote:

ESH. Being harsh and mean towards your family justifies their dislike of her, and I’m not sure why you seem to think that’s lovable and cute. That being said, if she’s willing to try and mature, they should try and give her a chance if they want to be in your life, and it was stupid they assumed she wouldn’t be at her home home during Thanksgiving when they agreed for you to host.

Technical_Bobcat_871 wrote:

ESH. Them for expecting her to not be in her home but also you both for acting like being a mean harsh dick is something your family should just accept and get over. She's not 14 anymore she needs to grow up and learn some manners. No one wants to be around someone who's always being a jerk. Having a hard childhood is no excuse.

Many people have had hard childhoods and lives. It doesn't excuse bad behavior. She should see a therapist and fix that s--t. By your own description she sounds like a miserable person to be around.

EnigmaGuy wrote:

ESH. I can understand people with different or clashing personalities and having one or two not liking someone, but if your ENTIRE direct family does not like her, something tells me it’s a little more than “she’s harsh, mean, and opinionated, teehee”.

That said, if your family was “demanding” you host (how the heck can you demand that in the first place) then they should expect the person you’ve been in a relationship for at least 6 years would be in attendance as well.

Ridiculous of her to just assume she would be elsewhere because they don’t see eye to eye. Telling your mother to go f-k herself is kind of leading into the self-fulfilling prophecy of the narrative that your girlfriend is turning you against the family.

Beautiful-Mountain73 wrote:

YTA. Let me get this straight, your girlfriend is mean, harsh and unlikable so, naturally, your family doesn’t like her and you told your mom to go f--k herself? What is wrong with you? In what world would you not be the asshole for speaking to your family like that? Especially because they don’t like your girlfriend, who you have described as nothing but unpleasant.