"AITA for deserting my girlfriend on trip I gifted her?"
My long-distance GF happened to be here while a band she loves played 4 hours away, so I surprised her with a trip to see them. I got train tickets and hotel, ensuring we stayed in the best part of town and it was easy to get around. I told her a month ahead so we would have time to plan. I told her our schedule for arrival day/the day of the show with times and places.
The night before she brings up the plan. I repeat it to her. She immediately challenges it. "That's not a plan! What trains are we taking?!". I knew we had many options and would just check Google on arrival.
Nevertheless, she proceeds to look up all the things I had already researched, questioning my times because wrong sources say something else, and ruin the surprise that there is a second band.
We had 4 hours from arrival to the venue opens. My plan was to drop off things at the hotel, go to venue area, eat, see show. She says she will need 1 hour to prepare at the hotel. I accept. She says she will be wearing a revealing outfit and doesn't want to be wearing it everywhere.
When we arrive in the city, I step aside to look at Google, but she doesn’t even let me look before she starts giving instructions on where to go. She's in a busy crowd talking in a low voice, so I can't make out what she's saying. I tell her to speak up. She says some track numbers. I go where there's a sign with the numbers, but it's wrong. She blames me for misunderstanding.
We find a train and get to our station. She’s still giving instructions I can't hear. I see an exit with a street name that I know is close to the hotel, and take it. She annoyedly says "Why did you take this? It wasn’t the right one".
I'm like "How is it wrong? It's the right street. We'd be walking the same distance underground". She continues pointing out how other exits were more right as we walk past them.
We get to the hotel room and sit down to cool off. I take off my pants, expecting her to start preparing soon, but let her have a moment to chill. After 45 mins she's shown no initiative.
I ask if she's starting soon? No, she wants to get food. I ask why didn’t she say this instead of just sitting here? She blames me for taking off my pants, like I couldn't simply put them on again.
I say I thought we'd agreed to eat by the venue. According to her, "not wanting to wear the outfit everywhere" implied we wouldn’t. So wearing the outfit on the way to the venue is fine, but making a stop on the way isn’t.
I just had enough. I’d put together this sweet gift for her, I’d made sure we had time to make a plan and I've been flexible to accommodate her, and all I hear is complaining.
I got my ticket, gave her the key, and said that she can do things her way and left. I walked around for a bit. I knew I was being dramatic and didn’t want this situation. She calls me, but I dont pick up. After receiving some threatening texts from her, I went to the venue by myself.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Your soon to be ex sounds like a horror show.
Well, travelling together is a great indication of how you get along with a significant other since you're stuck together under some schedule/planning stress. Now you know you are not compatible.
John Waters says that if you plan to marry someone, go on an overseas trip that involves a lot of different transfers: taxis, trains, and so on. When you return to your home country, if you still want to marry that person, fine. But you'll know for sure if you DON'T want to marry them! OP's horrible girlfriend couldn't even stand a train ride + dinner + concert.
The only question that needs to be answered is if you want to be with someone who treats you like that. I hope your answer is no because there are plenty of kind women who would be appreciative of everything you did and would never speak to you like that. Or seat single and invest all that money on yourself for something you want to do. Take up a new hobby. Take a class. Take private lessons. Go on your bucket-list trip.
ESH. Also as other commenters mentioned - travelling together is a great test of compatibility... so you have your answer in that regard.
NTA - You did something nice for her and she treated you horribly expecting you to be able to read her mind and cater to her thoughts. Whilst criticizing every single thing you did. You do not need to offer any explanation up to someone who treats you so abusively and you have no obligation to stick with her for the duration. She's an adult not a child. She is in a hotel and can arrange transportation to where she needs to go.
ESH. You did a VERY, VERY sweet thing, but it sounds like you have different travel styles. I’m a girl who takes a long time to get ready, and likes to wear revealing outfits to shows, and I instantly understood what she meant when she said she didn’t want to wear her outfit all over town.
She wanted to put it on and go directly to the venue. There IS a difference between traveling to a location in your ho clothes vs sitting down and having a meal served to you in your ho clothes. 😂