'AITA for double checking with my husband before making plans with a friend?' 'We have a baby.'

"AITA for double checking with my husband before making plans with a friend?"

I (26F) have been married to my husband (29M) for two years and we have a 9-month old son. My friend "Amy" (27F) is normally a very fun friend but recently I had been noticing that when she asks me to do something and I tell her I need to double check with my husband she gets annoyed.

I admittedly never really used to do this but since I had a baby it makes more sense to do because if my husband was already making plans, it’s not like we can just do our own separate things anymore, we have a baby to think of and need to plan to find someone to babysit if we’ll both be out.

This past weekend I went to the movies with Amy and after it was over she suggested we go get dinner. This wasn’t originally the plan so I said "yes sounds good, let me call husband really quick."

Before I could even finish my sentence she literally stomped off and shouted FORGET IT! I was so confused and she had drove me there so I then had to call my husband to come get me, and he had to wake up our baby to do so.

The next day Amy texted me a bunch of long texts and basically said that it’s "creepy" that I have to "let my husband know my every move" and that it’s rude to her for me to do that because when we make plans together my husband isn’t invited so he doesn’t need to weigh in.

I tried to tell her that I literally just needed to let him know were I was so he didn’t worry but she kept repeating herself and then also insinuated my husband is abusive?

First off I would put the hurt on him if he ever tried to abuse me and second I don’t think that’s abusive to ask your partner to let you know there whereabouts, like Im a mother I can’t just disappear.

And he also would never tell me no I can’t go somewhere like he actively tells me to go out with friends but if I don’t come home when I say I will then I should at least call to let him know so he doesn’t think I’m dead in a ditch. I told Amy this and she was not having it.

Also for context Amy has only ever been in one exclusive relationship when we were in school, they broke up before graduation and never lived together. so maybe that’s part of it but she really seems to believe I’m being controlled and that I should just do my thing and not check in with my husband.

My mom said from now on probably just don’t tell her I’m checking in with him but still do it in text. My husband said she’s the disrespectful one and that I could do better than her as a friend. So AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

heavenlydisasters said:

NTA. You’re the mother of his child and he’s the father of yours. Who, if this person is a true friend to you, would know your baby is less than a year old. Calling to double check isn’t creepy, especially when there’s a kid involved.

This is a widely accepted practice in girl code, checking in during an outing. Safety, gauging interest levels, requesting a tactful way of backing out of something. Why can’t she respect that there’s a co-parenting code?

MrsChickenPam said:

NTA - Amy obviously doesn't "get it" that in a mature/balanced relationship, the partners are considerate of one another. IMHO this courtesy should happen even if there wasn't a child to care for.

TemptingPenguin369 said:

NTA. Amy is really overdramatizing this situation. If you have a child, you have to make sure whoever's watching them is available to watch them for a longer time than planned.

Perhaps her paucity of relationship experience is leading her to think communication is the same as control, but either way her concern that your husband is abusing you is way out of line.

Crafter_2307 said:

NTA. The whole reason I’m still single and childless at 40 is because I like to do what I want, when I want and not have to check in with anyone. Partners not so much other than a text to say, hey, I’m gonna be late, but children mean responsibility - and making sure that babysitters, etc are all lined up.

I’ve certainly never bitten a friend’s head off because they’ve checked in that their children are covered if something last minute happens. In fact, I expect it. Not sure why Amy has such a chip on her shoulder. Think she needs to grow up somewhat!

clearheaded01 said:

NTA. Youre being a reliable partner - not asking hubby for permission, but ensuring that the primary project: the family and your kid, is handled before making plans for yourself. Amy clearly has only herself to account for - and no understanding that you have a kid and a husband to consider before you commit to anything.

Fancy_Bass_1920 said:

NTA. You have a family that will always come first. You did what you should in a loving and caring relationship. You weren’t asking for permission. You were giving a heads up. Your friend needs to go.

SpiffyInk said:

NTA. I mean, letting your family know your plans, making sure there's no conflict, and giving them a heads up when your plans are changing unexpectedly is basic courtesy, isn't it?