Woman evicts 'freeloading ski bum FIL' for refusing to pay rent, ruining reputation at work.
"AITA for 'evicting' my FIL?"
Charming-Surprise289
I (32F) work for a small company that treats me really well! It's the best job I've ever had, and with this job I've been able to buy a house and pay off debt at a rate I never expected.
My FIL(50sM) Hank, moved in with us when we purchased our home and worked for the company to a) help me out due to staffing issues and b)spend time with his son and grandson.
Hank decided that he wanted to go back to his hometown for ski season, and myself and the company let him know he'd be welcome back with us if we had a position available.
He has not paid his rent since he left in November. While we can afford the house on our own, it's a pain to have an entire floor of our house full of Hank's stuff, when we budgeted based off of having that additional income.
Hank has emailed me and my boss stating he planned to resume his role on June 1st. My job is now fully staffed with well performing employees, there is no role available for him.
I do not have the ability to create a job for someone, and I'm not willing to use my goodwill with this company on him. He told myself and my boss that he would need us to accommodate two weeks vacation in August and the winter off again.
My boss let him know that we are fully staffed. Hank is now messaging my partner about how badly the company/me is treating him, and how this is not the thanks he expected.
I've sent him a notice for nonpayment of rent and a nonrenwal notice in the mail, and Hank is now texting me about how awful of a person I am and how "family shouldn't act like this."
He's telling my partner how hurt he is and laying on the guilt trip heavy. I get that he feels hurt but I can't be Hank's free backup plan. I want my house back and I don't want someone who doesn't contribute in my home.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
owls_and_cardinals
ESH - being you and Hank. Y T A for not communicating in other ways with your FIL about the situation with rent. That seemed really inflammatory after the situation with work, and would have been extremely predictable that that would not go well.
Hank has a point that family shouldn't act like that, I can understand why he expected a bit more of a conversation with his son/daughter and their partner around this. He is of course TA for thinking it's ok to discontinue rent payments, and for being presumptuous about what he's owed with the job.
This all sounds SUUUUPER messy, though, and ripe for miscommunication. This is not a traditional way that grandparents operate, nor is it a traditional way that renter/tenants operate, nor is it a traditional way that employees/employers operate.
So a lot of this is due to that - everyone having assumptions and thinking a really wonky situation wasn't going to backfire. You mention for instance that he has been working for your company (which you do not own and for which you have limited decision making) to 'help you out'.
If that's how it was put forth, esp if it also required he relocate to live near/with you, I can definitely understand why he feels disgruntled and like you're treating him as a commodity rather than a family member.
The OP responded here:
Charming-Surprise289
He had no housing or job when we first talked about offering him a role with my job. He kept telling us how badly he wanted to be with his son/grandkid. We paid to move him here, we gave him a car, with the expectation that he contribute to utility expenses. I do see why his feelings are hurt but I am absolutely mortified that he keeps making demands of my boss.
No-Addendum-4220
NTA. If Hank's stuff is still taking up all the space that could be used by renting the room out to someone else, then he's still a renter. And well behind on his rent. Kick out your ridiculous freeloading FIL and don't look back.
Helpful-Science-3937
NTA - Let him know he is correct. Family should not act like this: a. Abandon a job that was given to him by a family member thinking he can come and go as he pleases, b. Committing to pay rent and not only not paying but treating a family member’s home his own personal rent-free storage unit.
Not being around to spend time with his grandson (part of his commitment) d. dragging down more family members to complain when he doesn’t get his way. BTW Hank needs to fire back at him how hurt you both are by the way he has treated you.
FireBallXLV
It’s not clear if you are married and if this guy is really your FIL.If not,then him pulling the “ Family” card is especially egregious. You can make a counter argument that “ Family” makes an effort to treat other Family very well i.e.they do not take advantage of situations….I hope your partner had your back.The “ FIL” sounds like a USER.Best to be rid of him.NTA OP.
UnhingedLawyer
INFO: did you ever actually have a conversation with Hank in which you expressed your expectation that he pay rent while he’s gone? I don’t think that goes without saying when you are renting to your FIL.
And did you have a conversation with him when he stopped paying rent? Did you say anything before sending him what is essentially an eviction notice? If the answer to any of these questions is “no”, then YTA.
The OP again responded:
Charming-Surprise289
He signed a lease with us and agreed that he would pay rent. We talked about him paying a reduced rent while out of town, and the nonpayment notice i sent him reflects that reduced rate.
Technically his lease goes month to month at the end of the lease term, that's why I sent him a nonrenewal notice. I have no interest in getting the rent money, I just want my house back without having to file a formal eviction.
He's told my husband that he's "planning on paying rent eventually" . I'm not planning on ever getting these funds, I just dont want him moving back in with a "I'll eventually pay maybe" promise.
JsCTmav
He's right - "family shouldn't act like this" - and yet, here he is, acting like this to family. NTA. The fact that you helped him out before doesn't obligate you to help him out forever. You're not mistreating him, he's trying to take advantage of you.
consolelog_a11y
NTA. This is the problem with people who throw the word "family" around willy-nilly as if it exempts them from being a responsible adult. He's being an entitled brat. Not cute coming from a 7-year-old, definitely not cute coming from a grown-ass person in their 50s who should know better.
Can't create a job out of thin air and when you leave your stuff somewhere you pay storage fees. Most of us learned this in our teens. I hope your partner is on your side here and not blinded by daddy laying on the "oh bothers".
AlexMango44
Info: Where is your husband in the part about your home?
The OP responded here:
Charming-Surprise289
I set up the lease in my name so my husband wouldn't be responsible for enforcing the contract on his father.