Daughter exposes father's secret second family at family reunion. AITA? + UPDATE
"AITA for exposing my dad’s secret family at a family reunion?"
So, I (23F) recently found out that my dad (55M) has an entire other family that he’s been hiding for years. He’s still married to my mom (53F), and we always thought we were his only family. But a few months ago, I accidentally discovered that he has a wife and two kids in another city.
He forgot to log out of his email on my laptop, and I saw way too much. School payments for the kids, photos, even messages referring to the other woman as his wife. I was shocked and decided to keep it to myself at first, trying to process it.
Fast forward to last weekend, we had a big family reunion with all my dad’s side of the family. Everything was normal until someone made a toast about how my parents were the perfect couple. I lost it. I stood up and without thinking said something like, yeah, perfect couple, except for the fact that Dad has a whole other family he’s been hiding from all of us.
Silence. Absolute silence. Then chaos. My mom went pale, my dad tried to laugh it off, but my uncle immediately started demanding answers. My mom started crying, my cousins were whispering, and my grandma looked like she was about to pass out.
My dad dragged me outside and yelled at me, saying I ruined his life and humiliated him. He accused me of being selfish and airing out family business in public instead of talking to him privately. But I did try to process it privately, I just couldn’t handle sitting there while people called my parents the perfect couple like nothing was wrong.
Now, the whole family is divided. My mom is devastated, my dad is furious, and my relatives are in full drama mode. Some of my frnds say I was right to expose him because he’s a liar and a cheater. Others say I should have confronted him privately instead of blowing up the reunion. So, AITA?
UPDATE:
My mom left and is staying with my aunt. She told me she wished I had told her privately, but she blames him for everything.
I apologised to her for bursting in public, she is still in shock and barely speaking to me or anyone. She hasn’t decided what she’s going to do yet, but I know she’s been talking to a lawyer.
My dad is furious. He’s been texting me nonstop, guilt-tripping and full-on rage. I dont have anything to say to him and blocked him for now. We contacted his other family and apparently they had no idea we existed either. It’s pretty clear that everything is falling apart.
I don’t regret telling the truth, but I do feel like I did something that I can’t take back. I never planned to say anything at the reunion. I just snapped. Maybe I should have handled it differently. I should have told my mom in private first.
At this point, I don’t think there’s any coming back from this. My dad has been exposed, my mom is devastated, and I don’t know if my family will ever feel whole again.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
scooteristi
NTA. Your dad is committing bigamy and fraud. He deserves more than humiliation. He ruined his life by having multiple families. I mean I can’t even grasp that. I have one wife, two kids, and that’s work & drama enough. I can't even imagine wasting time & money on two families.
I mean, who knew family reunions could double as soap opera episodes? At least you provided some entertainment! Next time, maybe just bring popcorn instead of family secrets?
So, what do you think would have happened if you talked to your father in private? He would have guilted you into saying nothing. He would have told you to think of your mother and the rest of the family. You would have to live with this weighing on you while he would carry on as usual, having two families he's betraying and lying to.
You would have to see your mother and know she's married to a cheater and a liar and your father would never be accountable for what he did. Don't forget: this is all your father's doing. If he didn't have two families, none of this would have happened. Does the second family know?
Also, don't forget if he contributes to the second family, it means he deprives his first family (you). No, you did the right thing. This is all his own fault; he made his bed and now he has to lie in it. Of course he will want to blame you, but this is his own doing.
NTA. I think you definitely could’ve handled it better for your mom’s sake but you have the right to be pissed. It would’ve had to come out eventually, the only difference is how. That’s a big secret so I can’t blame you for outing him in a situation like that.
I honeslty feel so bad for your mom. Why wouldn’t you tell her in private, why would you embarrass her like that? NTA for your scum dad he deserved it , you’re mom was innocent.
I can already tell you're going to get a lot of conflicting answers to this one but I'm firmly saying: NTA. Everyone handles these things differently, and this was your way of handling it– where your reaction should be held in the same regard as everyone else's. You're a human being as well. To fault you due to your reaction (emphasis on reaction) would be insane. Everyone needs to hold space for everyone here.. except for the perpetrator. He should be shamed.
You brought accountability to the entire table that he can't even run away from if he tried. He could lie and gaslight, sure, but you have substantial evidence. If men are going to lie about having double lives to their families for years, then it's fair game for women to yell about it when their lives come crashing down upon finding out.
If it's become common-stance for men to lie and deceive, then it's predictable that scorned women are going to tell people you did that. Very tired of people having this "that's life" attitude only when it comes to men's behavior, but suddenly decency matters when it comes to women. Liars should be shamed. NTA.
A whole lot of NTA's but what about mom? She was already going to be devistated, but now she has to be devistated in front of the whole family? That wasn't right.