'AITA for ghosting my girlfriend after she nearly killed both of us?' UPDATED

"AITA for ghosting my girlfriend after she nearly killed both of us?"

So, my girlfriend (20f) and I (22m) have been together for a little over 10 months now. We haven't had any heated arguments or fights, except for the fact that she keeps tickling me randomly despite the fact that I've repeatedly told her to never do it again because I can act strangely to it (something from my childhood which I won't delve into).

Now to get to the current situation: this week I've had my car returned from a paint job and some major look changes and I was really satisfied with the results, so I took a day off from work and took my girlfriend on a short trip outside the city.

We drove to a lake, ate some food and relaxed for a couple of hours until it got pretty dark and we decided to head back home to get some sleep as I had to go to work the next day and she had an exam.

On the way home, I started talking about how happy I felt with how the paint job turned out and out of nowhere, she starts tickling me. I pushed her hand away and told her to stop, then she reached for my ribs with both hands and got me swerving off the road.

Thankfully, nobody was hurt (although my car got some deep scratches but that doesn't even matter anymore), as I already slowed down after her first attempt to tickle me. I'll admit that I told her "what the f*k is wrong with you" as soon as we stepped out of the car and she started crying, but I couldn't care less as I felt as if my veins were about to pop.

When we got home, I told her to pack her things and go to her best friend, but she threw a tantrum and begged me to forgive her for "a little mistake." I didn't say a word, I simply stared in disgust and pointed to her luggage.

After her friend picked her up, I tried to go to sleep but my mind was racing, so I barely got any rest. This happened on tuesday, and she's been blowing up my phone ever since, but I haven't answered any calls or texts and just blocked her.

This led to her friend coming to my house and telling me to at least hear my girlfriend out, but I've told her to f*k off and leave me alone, which made her tell me that I'm more in love with a car than with my girlfriend.

So, AITA in this situation? Should I talk to my girlfriend? I already feel like I can't trust her after what happened and that our relationship can't be fixed.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

FinallydamnLDnat5 said:

I am a 42 F married. My kids are 11 and 9. I have taught them they can not argue and shout in the car to NOT DISTRACT THE DRIVER as all of our lives could be put at risk.

The kicker for me was she did it a 2nd time after you told her to stop. OP you may have many girlfirends over the years, but you will only have one life. NTA my dude. Kick her a%s to the curb.

peakpenguins said:

NTA, she's an idiot. It wasn't just "a little mistake", you don't mess with someone while they're driving. Period. You've also told her time and time again not to tickle you and she refuses to respect that boundary, to the point of putting you and everyone on the road around you in danger. She can f right off IMO.

Mmm_lemon_cakes said:

NTA. It doesn’t even matter that there is some kind of trauma attached to the tickling. “I don’t like to be tickled. Please don’t tickle me” should be enough. This shouldn’t be something that comes up repeatedly, ESPECIALLY repeatedly in quick succession while driving. Something is wrong with this girl.

DandelionsNSuch said:

She didn’t respect your wishes EVER about not getting tickled, she only learned it when sh$t went down the drain. SADLY, that’s how most people learn, when it’s already too late. As partners, we don’t wish discomfort towards our significant other…NTA. Take care!

Frozefoots said:

NTA. Golden rule when in a car: DO NOT MESS WITH THE DRIVER. Don’t touch the wheel. Don’t touch the gearstick, and don’t tickle the driver when you know his reaction is to lose control of his body. If it were me she’d be kicked out of the car right there on the roadside. Her friend can pick her up wherever that was.

Constant_Orange7405 said:

NTA...you asked her to stop immediately, and she didn't. It was an immature and dangerous thing to do. Honestly, I think she will repeat it since she doesn't respect your boundaries or listen to you. I think she needs time to grow up.

UPDATE:

So the past couple of hours have been insane, honestly. Before the actual update, I just wanted to sort some things out: Some people talked about me having anger issues: this is not true at all.

I never snapped at her like this for tickling me (let along hitting her or anything like this), but in the rage of the moment, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I might consider myself to be a calm person, but that doesn't mean I will laugh and giggle through stupid stuff.

The actual crash happened at a speed that could've killed us if I swerved in the wrong direction (I was driving on a country road, and could've frontally hit a car coming from the other direction, as the speed at which the crash happened was around 40mph/65kmph).

The tickling part and childhood trauma: I've mentioned that to my (now) ex-girlfriend around 3 months into our relationship, but as many pointed the obvious, I wasn't dating the sharpest tool in the shed and it took me a while to realize it, so I guess I might be a bit dumb as well lol.

I think I might've misused the term "Ghosting". In my head, telling her to get out of my house was already a clear sign of our relationship status. Now, to the actual update: After reading nearly all the comments, I took the decision to send my ex a message where I told her we should meet face-to-face.

Some people suggested that I should file for a lawsuit, but my ex is still in uni and her parents can barely afford helping her. She obviously has done an insanely dumb stunt, but I don't want to punish her parents for it.

The car is in the process of getting fixed and I can afford it without major financial issues. Still, I took screenshots of her messages in order for me to have some proof in case the situation escalates.

So, we met earlier at a coffee shop. She looked as if she's been crying for a long time, but it didn't change my mind at all. What shocked me was the fact that she leaned in for a kiss when she saw me, as if nothing happened. I stopped her and told her that we need to have a serious conversation.

I explained that what happened wasn't because of the car itself, but because of her disrespecting my boundaries and not thinking for a second about what might happen if she did that thing.

Besides that, I also felt disrespected by the fact that her best friend came knocking at my door to demand things, despite not having any rights to do so, which led me to ask my ex if she told her best friend the truth or if she lied about the situation.

She said that she only told her friend that we had a small car crash and I'm pissed at her. Hearing that made me feel disappointed as hell, but I did my best to remain calm.

I told her to tell the real story to her friends and family, and she raised her voice and told me that I'm accusing her of being a liar, something that led to a 15 minutes discussion about how the crash was solely her fault and how she put our lives at risk.

I asked her if everything's clear to her about our situation and her response was "Yep, 100%, can we go home now?". That honestly shocked me. I told her that there's no way we can be back together and I suggested she should be more careful and considerate with her future partner.

Her reaction was all tears, shaking, begging me to reconsider my decision, but I just can't look at her the same. I explained again that for me it wasn't a small mistake she made, it was a full-on stupid decision that shouldn't be done by an adult, as it could've resulted in something deadly.

She just thinks I'm exaggerating and this back and forth argument led to her asking if there's someone else in my life and I'm just using the accident as an excuse. I denied and told her that she's too selfish to even realise that she broke my trust and disrespects me by saying this crap.

I left the coffee shop feeling like I've been talking to a wall, but at least I can't say that I didn't try to have a conversation. An hour ago her mom texted me asking what happened and I told her everything.

I said that I don't want any money from them, but the only thing I'm asking is for my ex to keep her distance from me. She apologized for what her daughter did and wished me all the best. As for her friend, from my understanding she just came to my house without talking with my ex on wether she should do it or not, so I guess she just tried to be the main character in this whole story.

Right now I'm preparing for work, but my chest isn't heavy anymore. In case anything will happen in the future, I'll keep everyone updated, but I hope it won't be the case lol. Thank you for helping me navigate this weird situation and thanks for all the kind messages. Hope everyone stays safe!

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

RocketteP said:

Boundary issues aside (which is also a huge red flag), tickling someone while operating a vehicle imho is ridiculous and stupid. You’re better off and I hope she continues to keep her distance. Make sure to change any passwords she may know of yours.

North-Reference7081 said:

You made the right call. sounds like nothing was really registering with her. it's one thing to make a mistake and be completely apologetic and learn from it, but from your description, I don't think she was gonna learn anything.

Environmental_Exit19 said:

Good for you. She's not even mature enough for a relationship if she can't even take accountability for her own actions.

Snoo-55425 said:

Great news. Every loose end neatly tied. Here's hoping that this doesn't weigh on you too much while you move on.

BlueGreen_1956 said:

Still NTA. Your only mistake was assuming that she would ever take any accountability for her actions. She has probably never been forced to do so even once in her life and cannot fathom doing so now. Dumping her was the correct decision.

TeddyKGeeB said:

Forget about boundaries or previous tickle drama whatever that means…Why would any sane person try to tickle someone while they're actively driving a car…She's the one that should be checked for her obsession with tickling you/other people...NTA