'AITA for hitting my wife's best friend after she touched me inappropriately?' UPDATED 7X

Some situations escalate to their most extreme endpoint, for better - but more often, for worse.

"AITA for p*nching my wife's best friend after she touched me inappropriately?"

I’ve (35M) been with my beautiful wife (34F) for close to 10 years. We have no kids as of now. My wife’s best friend, Amy has been friends with my wife for about 15 years, all throughout college where I originally met my wife. Me and Amy haven’t ever been the best of friends however we’ve been cordial for the sake of my wife. I’ve always found her to be obnoxious, loud and entitled.

The kind that inserts herself into any and every conversation, whether that be on a night out with friends or a private conversation. For example, myself and my best friend were talking about fertility issues in his marriage during a dinner with our long time friends.

We were quiet enough so that nobody could hear us over the chatter yet she found a way to be nosy and make a comment on how she would “k*ll herself” if she couldn’t do the one thing a woman was made to do. This pissed off my best friend, Max and his wife to the point where they excused themselves and left early to go home. Now onto the actual situation at hand.

Amy’s boyfriend, Khalid had left her due to her annoying personality. I think it was more of a build up but what set him off was when Amy purposely did not feed their dog while he was on a work trip because he was sleeping while she was drunk and calling him to collect her. That’s only the tip of the iceberg. Amy has always been weird with me.

She has constantly tried to DM me on Instagram, trying to make conversation about gossip in our friend group or completely random things. I have always ignored her. My wife has always seen past her strange behaviour, she refused to believe her dearest best friend would have ill intentions. Anyway, after their break up, Amy came over to our house to see my wife.

My wife was feeling ill on this day so she took pills to help her sleep and fell asleep in a matter of an hour. I could not ask Amy to leave in the state she was in so for my wife I suggested she could sleep in the guest bedroom. She agreed and went to bed. I was in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner and she waltzed into the kitchen with nothing but under garments on.

She acted shocked and claimed she didn’t know I was still in the kitchen. I felt extremely uncomfortable and decided to call it a night. However, she started stripping and approaching me, telling me how my wife doesn’t have to know and she’s “seen the way I've looked at her.”

I was completely baffled and told her she’s gotten the wrong idea and to be ashamed to do this to her own best friend while I try to scurry out of the kitchen. However she practically leaped in front of me and touched my private’s. Without a second thought, I hit her. I know I could have easily pushed her but in the moment I panicked and punched her in the face. Her eye was left bruised.

She started wailing, enough that my wife woke up and stumbled in the kitchen to see her best friend, naked and bruised. She then went on about how I “tried to r*pe her” and that I’m a disgusting human being and she should divorce me. I snapped back that she approached me, naked and a rejection wasn’t enough for her to back off so I punched her, hence the bruise.

My wife didn’t say anything. Instead she fainted and I immediately brought her to the hospital. My wife is now okay but refuses to talk to me about what happened. On the other hand, Amy has now accused me of attempting to have s*x with her in our friend group. The majority of people don’t believe her but there’s a few who live by always believe a rape accusation.

The other half told me I f**ked up by punching her and fueling this anger. Amy has ruined my life. I’m afraid my wife will divorce me and this goes to court. I’ve already contemplated suicide many times. I don’t know where to go from here. What do I do? Where do i go from here? Any advice is appreciated.

Shortly after posting, OP shared a few small updates on the post.

EDIT: I know this story sounds absurd and I wish it were fake but it is not. The unnecessary details were brought in to point an overall picture of her character. I guess it is worth mentioning my wife feels like she owes her life to Amy for getting her out of an ab*sive household when they were teenagers. They are practically like sisters. Amy was also not drunk.

EDIT 2: A few things I would like to clarify to avoid confusion:

Amy claims to have gone to the kitchen to get a glass of water not knowing I was still there. She then claims I took advantage of her.

This incident happened at approximately 3AM. It is now 8AM.

She came up with this story and posted it in our group chat right after she went back home.

Majority of our friend group have to get up early for their responsibilities hence how this misinformation has spread like wildfire. I have been getting individuals DMs on advice and opinions since where I’ve concluded the majority are on my side, some say I shouldn’t have punched her and the rest believe her.

My wife has been up all night and refuses to talk to me. I have not tried to push her to talk to me. For now, she needs time to process it.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

OP shared another update in the comments:

I’m contemplating on texting her ex, Khalid, who left her and try asking him if she’s done anything similar to his knowledge. He may be able to make my story more believable based on a factual pattern of behaviour rather than word against word. Just not sure if it’s a good idea.

Ms_SkyNet responded:

It might be a good idea to talk to a lawyer and find out what sort of evidence you would need to take her to court for defaming you. Perhaps get an action plan together with a lawyer who has experience in this before you go reaching out to people like her ex for help. If it takes an unexpected turn you will have an action plan and also somebody to advise you.

You might be able to get her to publicly retract the story if she's faced with something like a law suit. Don't go easy because they're making you feel bad about punching her. She SAed you and now she is making very serious false accusations against you. This isn't school yard gossip kinda drama, this is somebody committing actual crimes.

so198 wrote:

NTA OP you need to start recording evidence now. Take screenshots of all the DMs she tried to send you and that you ghosted. This will help establish that interest was always from her and that you ignored them. But she may try to delete them.

You can Indeed text Khalid if you have his number. Was your wife able to see that the only clothes in the kitchen were her underwear? Talk to a lawyer and consider suing her for defamation.

OP responded:

Yes, my wife saw her underwear on the floor. Amy claims to have not known I was there, hence only the underwear.

dijetlo007 wrote:

I think when the dust settles you'll be fine. The story she's telling has a lot of holes in it. She was drunk. She came over to your house and you offered to let her sleep it off in a guest bedroom. Subsequently, she got naked in the kitchen, of her own volition. Even if she tries to claim you forced her to strip off her clothes, the only clothes in the kitchen were her undergarments.

Why did she go into the kitchen in her underwear? The first question a rational person would ask. You need to talk to your wife about it, The circumstantial evidence strongly indicates you weren't the aggressor here.

She should believe you based on the facts you've presented. I wouldn't feel bad for punching her, she wants to put her hands on you, I think you have every right to knock her out if you so choose.

noneyabuiznesz wrote:

NTA- don’t listen to ppl commenting saying that punching her was dramatic, it definitely was NOT. Ppl wouldn’t think twice if a women punched a man for SA her, so don’t feel bad. She’s lucky you didn’t do anything else. The fact that your wife is mad at you for getting SA is insane to me. She needs to dismiss Amy and never talk to her again. Point. Blank. Period……!!!!!

Iffybiz wrote:

Go on the same friends group Amy did. Explain exactly what happened like you did here. Tell everyone you are willing to take a polygraph to prove your innocence and you will be calling a lawyer to explain to Amy what the high cost of false accusations are unless she recants her statements.

Show the message to your wife and tell her you are serious about the polygraph and will do it right there and then if she wants him to.

The next day, OP shared an update.

A lot of people thought this story was fake or some sort of gross fantasy. It was not. I am still suffering the aftermath of what has happened. I have not slept nor ate since. For the people who proceeded to say I should’ve had s*x with Amy or DMed me calling me a sicko, I truly hope you find peace in your lives.

And to the comments calling me an AH, which were interestingly mostly from men, I truly hope you treat the women in your life with the same respect and equality they deserve. Now onto the update: A lot has happened in the past 9 hours. Someone made a suggestion to text Khalid and so I did.

Khalid was just as distraught as me and admitted that this was in fact, not the first time she has screamed r*pe, just like some of you had suspected. She has threatened to scream r*pe to use Khalid to stay in the relationship with her. He got out of it by installing cameras without her knowledge and contacting a lawyer in case she went through with her claims. This worked in my favour.

He was very supportive and sympathetic. I confronted Amy with all the fallacies in her story and mentioned the existing evidence Khalid still had if she was interested in taking her claims to the court. She panicked and told me no. Apologised and said she wasn’t in her right mind after the break up.

I got her to admit this in the group chat as I am not interested in false rumours spreading about me in case someone was still unsure of the situation. She shortly left the GC and has cut off contact with everyone. In other words, has become unreachable. I explained to my wife what had happened, she had seen all the messages with her confession anyway.

My wife told me she genuinely didn’t know who to believe and was contemplating divorce in that moment. I was heartbroken. I told her I needed time to process everything that had happened in the past 14 hours. I will be sleeping in the guest bedroom tonight. I am happy she believes me now but it doesn’t sit well with me that it took an actual confession out of Amy for my wife to side with me.

I've been with my wife for 10 years and would expect her to know me better than that. But at the same time, she didn’t know Amy was capable of something like this in 15 years. My marriage has definitely taken a hit. Although, I love my wife and have seen past every other time she has defended Amy, this situation is something I can’t get over overnight. Thank you all for helping me navigate this situation.

EDIT: I am very aware and understanding of my wife’s situation. She feels indebted to Amy and there’s definitely power play at hand. However, my wife has laughed off the incident and dismissed the fact of how traumatising it was for me. She still refuses to see Amy as the villain and is blaming it on the “emotional heartbreak” of her break up.

People had a lot to say in response.

I think if you stay with your wife, it should be stipulated that Amy is out of your lives forever. If not, I personally don't think your marriage can survive.

OP responded:

I agree with you. I could not move past that.

oykux wrote:

Hey OP, everyone seems to be mad at your wife but please hear me out as someone who has both been s*xually assaulted and has been accused of s*xual assault before.

Almost every woman in this world has been s*xually assaulted or at least sexually harassed to some degree. We know how damaging and serious it is so we tend to believe each other. False claims are also much rarer than actual assaults so that’s another reason we believe other women until men have enough evidence of innocence, because more often than not, they are not innocent.

One of the worst outcomes of this is, ab*sive women are also aware of this dynamic. They try to use this to their advantage when ab*sing men. They know at least some of their peers will believe them so they lie their way. These women aren’t very common but they do exist and they are very harmful.

They only benefit other ab*sers and no one else and I’m so sorry you were ab*sed by one. Due to them not being very common, us women rarely assume this is the case unless this person has done similar things repeatedly. The person who accused me was known to misrepresent events often so I didn’t get much heat at all but I was still devastated and heartbroken.

Your wife was really close with Amy and if she hadn’t seen this side of her before, it’s very normal for her instincts to be believing her friend. She probably fought those instincts until she was ready to talk with you due to the trust and love she has for you. In the end, I hope one AH’s sh**y behavior doesn’t irreparably damage your marriage and I hope you can get the help you need to fix things.

OP responded:

I am very aware and understanding of the situation. I was absolutely willing to look past it until she said she was contemplating to divorce me. No evidence, no nothing. We have been married for 10 years and I have never given her any reason to doubt me. There was a lot of sacrifice involved, as with every marriage. So this statement broke me. Especially as she was laughing it off.

I completely understand you and I thank you for sharing and sympathise deeply with your situation. Nobody deserves that. However, I am now convinced to take this to a lawyer in case she pulls it anyone else. Although I doubt they will side with me, It’s worth a shot and my wife is begging me not to.

It hurts that she’s completely looking past on how traumatising this was for me too. God forbid but if a woman got SA’d and her husband begged her not to take it to court, I would be questioning the character of her husband. I was able to not process the actual incidence because I was too concerned for my wife and marriage but now that it’s blown over, the effects are really beginning to seep in.

PermanentUN wrote:

I'm sorry you've been so hurt by some cruel person's need for attention. I hope you and your wife can get past this with therapy or something. If not, know you did nothing wrong here. Please give us an update when you can.

OP responded:

I will let you know what happens with myself and my wife. We’re currently figuring things out. She is begging me not to talk to a lawyer but I will not budge. Amy has done enough damage.

zamlynn wrote:

I mean you were s*xually assaulted & your wife was really leaning towards potentially divorcing you…I know it might take her some time to process, but if she was s*xually assaulted I’m sure you would be by her side hugging her and being there for her?

I can’t imagine how much pain I’d be in if my significant other wasn’t there for me after that & was instead thinking of divorce. Rough situation man. I’d suggest couples therapy for you two to sort out why she isn’t fully trusting of you and for you to feel safe again & feel that she has your back. Best wishes to you both.

Two months later, OP shared another update.

So it’s been a bit over two months since the incident occurred. Needless to say it’s been a hectic two months. In short: my wife’s best friend (Amy) forced herself onto me, I hit her, she accused me of SA, wife believed Amy until she was backed into a corner and confessed to the truth, wife didn’t give much importance when it came to me and proceeded to laugh it off and call it a “big misunderstanding”.

Now for the actual update: I tried to make it work. I really did. For two months I tried to brush it off and dealt with wife still having frequent hangouts with Amy and telling me about them all excitedly as if her own best friend didn’t just try to have s*x with me.

However, the last straw was a few days ago where my wife was telling me how her and Amy are planning a trip to Greece for the summer holidays and how she “can’t wait to finally have a break from life’s stresses.” I simply said nothing and walked away from her. She followed me and asked me if everything was okay.

I straight up told her how I can’t believe she would dismiss the fact that Amy accused me of r*pe when in actual fact she forced herself onto me and how when it came to Amy, she believed her and was willing to divorce me on the spot but when it came to me, she brushes it off and continues to have her girly hangouts with the very “friend” who tried to destroy our marriage.

I blatantly told her she doesn’t care for me. My wife started bursting into tears and had the audacity to ask me “At that again? Why can’t you just get over it.” I don’t know why I thought she would’ve listened now. I had enough at that point and told her we’re getting a divorce. Walked away and started to pack my suitcase as she tried her hardest to stop me.

Pulling my shirt, hitting me, throwing things, going from calling me names to begging me to stay. I walked out and am now staying at a hotel while her and her family blow up my phone. I don’t know what to do.

The internet was in shock.

Chocolatecandybar_ wrote:

Nothing. You did the right thing and if this woman is so ok with false r*pe accusations then the best is for you to communicate with her only through lawyers.

About her family, text them as a group, explain the situation and tell them you're open to be supported but after trying for months you're done with the marriage and won't accept being pushed on this respect. I'm sad for what happened to you and frankly angry that the friend got what she wanted.

molten-glass wrote:

I think it's also important to note that it's not just false allegations but that Amy did lay hands on him, he was ass*ulted and his wife basically did nothing to support him.

Unhappy_Ranger_7782 wrote:

NTA - you do know what to do, it'll just be hard. Think about it this way - if the roles were reversed, and it was one of your friends that did this to your wife, how would you have reacted? You're not wrong for wanting to be supported.

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

UPDATE: My wife seems to have found this post and put the pieces together. I may have to terminate this account.

Commenters were quick to respond.

"I don’t know what to do."

Yes, you do. You just don't want to do it.

Whatever you had with your wife, whoever you thought she was, is gone. Find a lawyer and get into counseling to move forward as you're so conflicted. Also, document EVERYTHING as she's likely not going to make this divorce easy. Good luck, and NTA.

OP responded:

Yeah she said she’s going to make this divorce hell.

sharperview responded:

You don’t have kids. That’s a blessing right now. Worse case you’ll lose money. I know that sucks a lot but you don’t have to be tied to her forever.

OP responded:

I’m lucky than most people. The house is mine and we have no joint bank accounts. She also does not work and has no support system I guess apart from Amy.

MillerT4373 wrote:

It's YOUR house, solely in your name??? Did you own it before the marriage? If so ..... Kick. Her. A*s. Out. Boot her to the curb so fast & hard, she bounces down the road like a damn pinball.

OP responded:

Yes I’ve owned it before marriage.

A little bit later, OP jumped on with yet another update.

UPDATE 2: I’m not terminating this account. There’s comments about my wife looking for quote unquote “sugar daddy’s” on her reddit. This is absolutely bonkers and i’m heartbroken. Also planning on going home to make this divorce official.

The comments kept coming.

wlfwrtr wrote:

NTA Send mass text to wife and family, "Essentially I was s*xually assaulted by my wife's best friend who when I fought back falsely claimed I assaulted her. My not so loving wife is still friends with the s*xual abuser. You all think I should just get over it. Is this the way you'd all feel if wife was the s*xual assault victim of my best friend instead?

Would you tell her to just get over it while I continued being best friends with her abuser? Or would you think I was a AH for still having contact at all with the abuser? You are all no better than the sexual abuser when you enable the abuser by blaming the victim. None of you are the type of people I want in my life." Then block them all.

they_call_me_cheap wrote:

A saying I learned when young was "Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you who you are."

It seems like your wife chose to prioritize her friendship over your feelings.

She may not have realized that for you, that meant prioritizing the friendship over your marriage. If it was me, the name calling wouldn't have meant anything if it wasn't also for the fact that it became physical. Document any injuries and send it to the divorce attorney. Do not be alone with her or the friend at any time, for any circumstances.

Only communicate through text messages so that there is documented proof of what's said. Also, I'd look into getting another attorney to sue the friend for defamation depending on where she said you SA'd her. Good luck and god speed.

Dianamellarke wrote:

There's probably a lot more to this story than you know. A woman would never accept a friend who tries to have s*x with her husband.

OP responded:

Dude honestly I was suspecting they have something going on but that could just be me going crazy.

byglnrl wrote:

Are they lesbian and doing sh*ts on you like accusing you so they can be together? Anyways, your wife is an AH.

OP responded:

I’ve thought about it. If that were the case wouldn’t my wife leave more willingly? I guess it’s worth mentioning she said she’s going to make this divorce hell if i go through with it.

OP jumped on with yet another update.

UPDATE 3: I’m back home and I’ve kicked her out. Just told her if she doesn’t leave I’d call the authorities. I told her to contact me through my lawyer if she wants to speak. Again, she’s tried everything to stop me, even tried having s*x with me ( ? ). I did ask her about her supposed reddit account and she denied everything but I can’t say I believe her.

Some of you mentioned it was a set up or some sort of test from the start. This could be a possibility as my wife never wakes up that easily after taking sleeping pills and it’s likely she brushed it off due to the guilt. Still though, it was uncalled for and her mentioning divorce over a r*pe accusation she knew was fake just makes it worse. Thank you for all of your Kindness and support.

The internet continued to pour out support.

Smooth_Ad4859 wrote:

I read all your posts. You were a green flag all through the process, including the punch and I say this as a woman. I hate all those false accusers of rape, while many people who are SAed are not heard or silenced.

I am so sorry but your wife is an insensitive person and not a good one at that. You should be with people who deserve you. She can shove her entitled liar pos friend to her bosom. I hope all your friends will cease contact with both of them. I am angry for you.

LuigiMPLS wrote:

You missed the opportunity to Ghost Protocol her and move out while she's in Greece with the snake.

OP responded:

Really should've done that.

pseudonymphh wrote:

Wait, Amy confessed?? Whoah. I’d like to hear more about that and everyone else’s reaction.

Regardless, I think it’s time to move on from this marriage. :( NTA.

OP responded:

My wife brushed it off. Everyone else cut her off.

DawnShakhar wrote:

Take a few deep breaths. This is a horrible time for you, and you need to get through it. If there is any friend you can call and ask to come over. do it. You need support right now. After that - I would definitely go through with the divorce.

Your wife is not your partner - she believed Amy over you when Amy accused you of SA and cut off contact with you - but when Amy admitted it was a lie and your wife knew that Amy had done her best to stick you with an SA accusation, your wife dismissed the whole thing and is going on a trip with Amy.

She might as well be married to Amy.

I understand your wife's feeling of obligation to Amy for rescuing her in the past. But to me (and to you too) Amy canceled it by destroying you with a false SA accusation. If your wife feels otherwise, she is out of your life.

matchamagpie wrote:

What a roller coaster. Propositions in a kitchen complete with stripping. Fainting! And guest appearances by the ex's supposed reddit account! This story really has everything.

That said, I don't think it's real.

Sweet_Xocolatl wrote:

I know people always cast doubt on a story when “the other party” joins the mix on Reddit but I think this story is legitimate, could be that some rando made the “wife’s” account to be a troll or keep the drama flowing.

Big yikes, all around, hopefully OP is okay.