'AITA for how I handled a prank my brother's fiancee pulled on me?' + UPDATE
"AITA for how I handled a prank my brother's fiancee pulled on me?"
So I know this isn't as dramatic as some of the posts here but I'm curious for your opinions. My brother 29M's fiancee 24F has been trying to prank me 23M forever. I don't get startled easily so she has decided on her own to take up the challenge of being the person who successfully scares me.
I never prank her back, but sometimes I'll play along with her attempts. She doesn't do this often. Previous pranks are hiding behind a door/car/in a closet and jumping out at me so it's never anything elaborate.
They've been together 3 years. Never had any problems with them, but she tried to prank me last night and now my brother is upset about it. Both my brother and his fiancee are currently crashing at my apartment because they are in the process of moving into their first home in my city.
The prank: she hid under my bed while I was out for a run in the evening. When I got back, before I went into the shower, I was at my bedside table taking my watch off and dropping it on the charger. The room was dark except for my lamp so I didn't notice anyone under my bed.
She touched my foot. It was a really light graze so it didn't register with me. I stepped back and squatted down so I could see under there a little. It was dark but I could see long hair. A part of me just knew it was her because no one else would do this. I said something like '[her name] I can see you under there.. but who's the other one?'
This scared her. In her panic she struggled to get out from under the bed all while asking me 'what do you mean?!'. She scrambled out and slammed into me. She also screamed which made my brother come into the room. She was in my arms. I take it, this is why he's mad.
I tried to explain I was just messing with her because she was clearly trying to prank me. He thinks I'm flirting with his fiancee, that apparently this has been going on 'for a while' since these pranks began.
I told him the pranks are his fiancee's idea and he should be having this conversation with her, not me. It's been really awkward between us now. I have 2 more weeks with them. I feel like they're both blaming me and it's unfair. Should I apologize? but for what. I feel like I'm owed the apology. Am I being an AH?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. Show them both the door out of your house, immediately.
Seriously. That level of boundary crossing isn’t a joke, it’s a red flag. If she’s pulling stunts like that now and he’s defending it, they both clearly have no respect for you or your space.
Your brother needs to chill and apologize. His fiance started this. And if he can't, they need to find somewhere else to stay. NTA and freaking her out cracked me up!
NTA. Don’t apologise you did nothing wrong. If anything she owes you and your brother an apology for causing issues in your relationship. I’d tell him to ask his finance why’s she’s so interested in pranking you.
You haven’t asked her to do any of these things and have tried to be good natured about it but now SHE is causing issues with her pranks and you are getting the flak. Also, she should not be going into your room when you aren’t there she’s now invading your personal space with her stupidity.
NTA - so it’s OK for his girlfriend to constantly prank you but the one time you turn it around on her and all of a sudden you’re the bad guy? Your brother should have put a stop to this a long time ago and stopped enabling his girlfriend’s behavior. Tell him that she is no longer allowed in your home and frankly he should not be either until both of them learn how to be actual adults.
Two days later, the OP returned with an update.
I mentioned in a comment but I have a boyfriend (If it matters, I like women too). My boyfriend has met my brother and his fiancee. I didn't think 'flirting' was something I would be accused of given my relationship so when my brother brought it up, it felt abrupt and I was blindsided.
I spoke with my brother privately since his feelings are more important to me. He said this all came out because ever since they moved into my apartment, his fiancee has been making comments about how I maintain my place, handle chores, the cooking I do for us, how I'm quick to fix things, that I make furniture (I do that for a living) random things like that.
He felt she was comparing us and her comments started to build up. He apologized for directing his frustration at me instead of communicating with her. Which he then turned around and did. I don't know how that went.
She refused to apologize to me initially because she claims I have flirted with her too but she couldn't come up with a single example of the behavior (it doesn't exist). As straight forwardly as I could, I made it clear to both of them that I am not interested in her and if she can't apologize, she can leave.
I entertained the pranks before because they were harmless, but they're off the table now. I didn't have a rule about going into my room. I only told them to knock first, if I'm in there. Today, she approached me to apologize. I told her I know it's insincere but I'll accept it because I love my brother. I hope they break up.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
"She refused to apologize to me initially, because she claims I have flirted with her too but she couldn't co"me up with a single example of the behavior (because it doesn't exist)."
If her pranking you was flirting, then I'm guessing she thought you pranking her back was also flirting.
Icy-Piece6968 (OP)
I think so too, but her pranks were premeditated, and my response was just my reaction. I did turn the tables and I found it amusing, but outside of that just being my personality, I've never actually pranked her. I won't play with her moving forward. I'm going to keep interactions short. Leave no room for misunderstanding.
She's just putting blame on you to take the blame off herself. You're probably just a charismatic guy with a playful/good sense of humour and if youre attractive she's probably into you, so she wishes you were also flirting because that's what she was doing.
Like she didn't have to crawl into your arms when you scared her. She did that on purpose. Your brother should reconsider this relationship. She's gonna put him down even more when they're married and she doesn't seem that loyal.
NTA. All of this drama may have had one positive outcome.
It may have saved your brother from a lifetime with this POS girl.
Absolutely! Sometimes situations like this expose someone's true colors before it's too late. Hopefully, your brother sees what's really going on and makes the right decision for himself.