'AITA for kicking him and his entire family out after he brought them to stay over while I was working out of town?'
"AITA for kicking him and his entire family out after he brought them to stay over while I was working out of town?"
( F42) worked for a company for 15 years until I went on my own and started my own company. I was engaged at the time, with 2 kids from a previous marriage. My success created issues because Jim ( M45) began to lean too heavily on me.
He didn't finish college ( something that affected my trust because he said he did, then I found out that he was lying) and his skills are fit for his job only (office assistant), while his dream is to become a very successful executive.
I tried to help, but he didn't follow advice. We had issues because he wanted to rely on other people instead of making his own efforts. The results were disastrous in one particular situation where his ex business partner locked him out, moved their small office over the weekend, and shut Jim out of their logins.
I was shocked, but the more I asked the less answers I got. I found out later that the partner got fed up with Jim for wanting to direct the partner's talents and knowledge to his own favor and taking credit via a social media post.
My relationship with his family has always been cold. FIL and MIL are divorced, and FIL has always been friendlier, but MIL has always been distant and dry. I accepted it, nobody is obligated to anything. 2 years ago, I found out that while they hardly talk to me (they: MIL, 2 SILs and Jim's younger brother), they have a derogatory name that they use for me.
His phone had a notification and I saw my name and I got into his phone ( I know it's wrong) and found a family chat where they roast people, share other things and talk about me with my real name and with a bad nickname.
I confronted him, and called his mom out at the very first moment that I saw her again. It was a train wreck that ruined whatever thin thread of a relationship that I had with them.
Also, he didn't defend me or stand up for me. I went full NC with all of them. We had a long crisis, went to therapy ( I no longer believe in it) and found stability for over a year with no fights or major disagreements.
Fast forward and I rented a beautiful house with an indoor pool ( portable, not in-ground) and a tiny space where I created a home theater. I'm working now mostly out of town for a long term client ( 3 year contract) so I moved my kids with me since my client is near my hometown area.
My lease was supposed to end in June. My kids and I spend most of the time at my out of town property. I stayed on the lease because I still have 5 or 6 clients nearby, and allowed Jim to stay over.
I began to notice some things, and I asked him if he was having someone over, which he denied. Long story short, he broke my trust. I let him stay over but it was just him, not his family.
I showed up on a night when I said I would be out of town and found all of their cars in my driveway. They were all inside like it was their house. I made them leave immediately, and they did.
I left that same night, came back a few days later, didn't go in and they were back. I canceled my lease without telling him, paid a fine that wasn't my first choice but it was my best option, and had movers come take everything. I called him while he was at work and told him that his stuff would be on the front lawn. š What bothers me is that he didn't take it seriously.
First, he tried to turn it around and acted like he didn't do anything because I never said “I don't want your family here”. Second, his personal property was drenched because of the afternoon rain and his tablet got wet.
His ex BIL took the kids because SIL doesn't have a place of her own. I ended up blocking him, but I don't feel any empathy. He did ask me to give him at least one week because his older sister had gotten evicted while on our call at the time when I put his stuff outside and I refused.
Why would I? He did everything behind my back, as always. My best friend says it's because I'm numb from so many situations but that what I did was a bit over the top considering there were kids involved. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA the family seems like they think it was a free Airbnb when in reality it’s your place! I don’t see any wrong doing on your part it was more than likely going to happen with the way things were with his family and just him in general.
You've done nothing wrong and Jim is an AH, he and his family have no respect for your space and getting them out was the right thing to do if since they didn't want to respect your space.
NTA those kids aren’t yours you never agreed to home her and the kids So are not responsible if they are homeless. I’d be telling your friend you didn’t agree to home them he never even asked they instead went behind your back. All they saw you for as a meal ticket.
āāāAriaLightx
You set firm boundaries, and Jim’s betrayal combined with his family’s lack of respect left you no choice, taking back your space was bold and absolutely warranted.
YTA for staying with this loser for so long. Why would you subject your kids to this? They had to see what was going on. NTA for finally leaving.