'AITA for walking out on a date when she was 30 minutes late and didn't respond to texts?'

"AITA For Leaving A Date When She Didn’t respond?"

I matched with this lady on a dating app two weeks before Christmas. We chatted and really seemed to get along. We planned the first date, and the date went pretty well. We had similar interests, had the same ish beliefs and both discussed how important communication is.

From there she asked me to go out on a second date with her in two weeks as we were both busy. We continued to talk. Sometimes my reply’s would be spaced out by a few hours due to being busy. Her reply’s were always 12-24 hours apart, no biggie I didn’t mind. She texted me the night before to make sure we were still going, and I told her that I would be there.

I texted her as I was leaving that I would be there at 5, to which she immediately replied with something along the lines of “wait have you already left? I didn’t know we were meeting there first.” So I turned around as I wasn’t even 5 minutes down the road.

Told her I hadn’t left, and thought that we were meeting there. But was open to other things. She said no meeting there is perfect and that she just left and would be a few minutes late.

I got there at 5:02 and waited for her to text me when she got there. At 5:15 I sent a text to let her know I was there, thinking she was waiting for me to text her. At 5:25 I called my friend and asked her advice on if I should wait anymore because she hadn’t texted or called to say she was running extra late.

They said no, so at 5:30 I called a buddy nearby and asked if he wanted to grab dinner since I was in town. As I was driving to pick them up she texted me at 5:33 saying “Just got here, sorry 😭”

At this point I’m already a few miles from where we were set to meet. I responded with “Sorry I just saw this, but I already left. I hadn’t heard anything so figured you weren’t coming”

I already left and wasn’t willing to turn back around. I’m fine with someone being late but they need to communicate it if they’re more than five minutes late. It put a bad taste in my mouth, especially since she told me several times how important communication is. 5 minutes later she replies with “oh okay, sorry” to which I read and didn’t reply.

10 minutes later she texts me again “So I get that I was late, bad on my part but I wouldn’t have lied about showing up. We’re both pretty busy so maybe we just stop seeing each other.” I also didn’t respond to this as there was nothing else for me to say.

TLDR: AITA for leaving a date when they hadn’t shown up 30 minutes later without any communication for them to get there a few minutes after I left.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

SnooPets8873 said:

I think you aren’t being honest when you say her texting pace doesn’t bother you. I suspect you are actually not thrilled with it and it makes you less patient with normal delays. It sounds like there was genuine confusion over where and when the meet up was supposed to happen and once it was figured out she left to meet you.

From her perspective, she was probably rushing to get there and you already know she isn’t attached to her texts - plus she is driving! The combination of all those things makes me think you jumped the gun on leaving. But it ultimately doesn’t matter - you aren’t compatible on your style of communication and pace of life anyways.

OP responded:

I’ll give you that, I truly don’t have an issue with not getting reply’s immediately. But I think you’re right in a way. It wasn’t that I wasn’t thrilled, but the 24 hour responses the days before and being 30 minutes late probably did make me believe she wasn’t as interested.

But you’re right, it does seem we weren’t compatible and I’m very quick to end things when it’s clear we’re not because I find it wrong to continue things when it’s clear they won’t work.

Legitimate_Book_5196 said:

Bro she was driving. I don't text and drive either.

bubzu said:

you guys have been texting for a month, already been out together, you knew it was an hour drive for her, and she texted you literally as she was leaving to confirm she was going to be there; the risk of her standing you up was low, but you handled it like your first date with a stranger and just blew her off.

then, when she tried to talk about it - because she's actually trying to communicate here - you blew her off again, twice. if this was really about "communication", your 5:15 text should have said "hope everything's okay, i'll wait here until 5:30" instead of just "i'm here", making it sound like you just got there;

if she knew she was only another 15 minutes away, she may have figured it was better to just floor it and apologize in person rather than pulling over to text you or call because she thought she was only keeping you waiting for that 15 minutes instead of the full 30 and she already told you she was running late. are you sure communication is highly important to you?

And 907in941 said:

Thank God you two did not meet up. Sounds like you both dodged bullets.

He later shared an edit to his post to address some of the comments:

Communication is highly important to me, as she said it was to her. I did not leave because she was late. I left due to the lack of communication that she was going to be 30+ minutes late. I understand not wanting to text and drive, but there’s phone calls, texting at a stop light.

Regarding specific information times:

1: She had asked earlier if I had ever been to a restaurant before. I told her I had not and she said we should go. She asked from Thursday to Sunday when I would be free. We settled on Friday at 5 at the restaurant. A day or two later she said she knew it would be cold, and a drive so if I’d rather do it another time and do something else we could.

I told her I’m completely fine with going there, but if she wants to do something else that’s perfectly fine. She said okay, it’s going to be fun! Does 5 work and I responded with yes, 5 pm works perfect. I’m not sure if I missed something, but rereading the conversation that’s how it went. I can’t answer why she didn’t know we were meeting there.

2. I responded to the 5:33 text at 5:35. She told me at 4:09 she would be a couple minutes late. Yes I was there for 28 minutes before I left. She told me she would be a few minutes late. We planned to be there at 5, she got there at 5:33. 33 minutes isn’t a few minutes late. At 23 minutes I was considering leaving and gave my self a hard out at 5:30 if she hadn’t told me she would be later and or arrived.

Yes I could have, and contemplated calling her. But I chose not to, as it wouldn’t solve her not communicating how much later she was going to be. The first few dates show who a person is and can set a tone for a relationship. I have no interest in someone who thinks it’s okay to arrive 30 minutes late and not say anything about it. Yes I recognize I should have sent a text when I was leaving.

Yes I did not respond to the last two texts. I received them, and she knows I did because I read them and iPhones have read receipts. I could have responded to the we should other people text, but it came across as her wanting the last word and I wasn’t engaging with it.

Sounds like he learned...nothing from the comments!