'AITA for leaving in the middle of a bachelorette trip to Europe?'
"AITA for leaving in the middle of a bachelorette trip to Europe?"
I 24F have a friend 32F who got engaged and decided to do a girls trip as her bachelorette party. She picked Italy and there were 6 of us on this trip. My friend loves to drink and party whereas I don’t drink but will indulge on occasion, like special events and celebrations.
During this trip I tried to participate in the drinking as best as I could. I’m a very bubbly and extroverted person when I’m in a group setting...so who I am sober vs drunk it’s the same energy. I have tried to express this to my friend for years but she is still someone who gets sad when other people don’t drink as much as her.
It is also physically impossible for me to drink as much as her— I just can’t. But I tried really hard for my friend on this trip to indulge her. I wanted her to feel happy. I share this to express that I went in with the best intentions. But here is where I drew the line.
We met some young people, they invited us to a party. We went and danced and met more people.. the night kept going on longer and we were very far from our lodgings. These young men with 2 women in their group told us to stay with them for the night...I wasn’t feeling this situation.
It felt unsafe but the group voted and I was in the minority. They were all quite inebriated and it was hard to be the only sober person trying to get them to reconsider and get a cab and go to our lodgings. I didn’t trust these men. Something seemed wrong. But I was at a loss as I could not split from my group and didn’t feel safe separating from them in the middle of the night.
We go to this house and settle in. In the middle of the night I hear attempts being made to enter our room...the men entered even though we had locked the doors. I pretended to be asleep and the men were talking in Italian but it felt like they were checking on us and wanting to do something? They were quarreling with each other going back and forth it seemed. They ultimately left to argue outside.
I didn’t sleep the whole night. I texted my boyfriend and told him what was happening. And how I felt unsafe. Next morning the group of girls I’m with decides we are going to stay another day because these men have offered to show us around. I didn’t want to get into a car with them because I found them creepy.
The whole morning I found them staring at me a lot and also making some comments about my ethnicity - I am Korean and they could tell and it seemed that they were interested in me because of my ethnicity, asking me strange questions …including if I’m a v$#%#n or not.
So in my head I could only think of bad reasons for these questions because I thought these guys were sketchy and sizing us all up for some reason I couldn’t figure out yet.
My friends said I was having a language barrier issue and I probably misunderstood.. they were liking the attention of these affluent seeming guys who were going to get us on a yacht. My suspicions and concerns went unheard.
I talked to my boyfriend in France and he said he could come get me and he did. AITA for leaving the trip because I felt uncomfortable and unsafe? I tried to communicate all this to my friend but she didn’t feel the same so I did what I had to do for myself. The men were saying they will drive us to get our things from the hotel and we can stay with them instead and the girls were considering it.
I left 4 days prematurely...the girls eventually came back and told me how creepy and scary the men became and that I was right. The friend however (32F) whose bachelorette it was is mad at me for leaving.
Edit: just want to add my boyfriend offered to drive them to our booked hotel and I urged them to follow the planned itinerary.. we even found a legit company who did yacht services.. and my boyfriend offered to gift my friend by paying but she and the others wanted to go with that group of men.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
steepgallery said:
NTA. Your safety is top priority, period. You were in a sketchy situation and did what you had to do to stay safe. It's insane that your friend and the others brushed off your concerns for some attention from creepy guys. Leaving early was the smart move. Your friend should be grateful you prioritized safety. Don't let her guilt trip you. Stay safe out there.
fordexy said:
NTA. Do whatever you need to feel safe. Your friend is very selfish. She sounds like a “just me," everything is about her and what makes her happy.
OP responded:
I understand it was her bachelorette trip so to some extent it is supposed to be all about her.. but you are right, she can be a little self centred which is what I was trying to explain with the drinking.
That the same mindset applies to everything and I feel that’s why she is mad at me, because she cannot see my discomfort or limitations might vary from her own. I feel bad for leaving but I’m not sure how I could have stayed. It was difficult to weigh the responsibility of remaining a part of this trip and experience vs feeling safe
Panaccolade said:
NTA. You didn't feel safe, so you left. That's common sense tbh. Your 'friend' (and I use that word in the loosest possible definition) can take risks with her safety if she wants but she cannot take risks with yours. She has no right to be 'mad' because you didn't want to bunk with literal strangers who'd already forced access to a room that you'd locked.
She is 32 years old. She can manage her feelings by herself. Let her be mad. Also, an aside, who the f spends their bachelorette with complete strangers? Not to mention complete strangers who obviously wanted to f%k. Those are some questionable decision making "skills" at work there.
Trailsya said:
NTA. Your irresponsible friends are dumb af. Next time you're in a situation like this, you don't have to vote. Just take the cab. And leave those idiots now.
bmyst70 said:
NTA. You felt unsafe, actually were smart enough to LISTEN to your gut and left. And avoided a terrible situation. Your safety has to be your top priority. You need to dump the AH "friend" who always gets upset when you won't drink as much as she can. Which is literally impossible for you.
Doesn't matter if it was her bachelorette party. Your boyfriend even found safer ways to experience what the foolish "friend" wanted to do. Dump as a friend any of the other foolish girls who have the nerve to be the least bit upset with YOU for leaving a dangerous situation.
Charismatic_Soul said:
NTA, you did good OP I'm so proud of you. Who cares who's mad at you, your safety comes first. If they don't see that, they are dangerous to be around and not friends at all.