'AITA for leaving my sister's wedding because she told me to show less skin?'
"AITA for leaving my sister's wedding because she told me to show less skin?"
I (18F) recently attended my sister's (39F) wedding, it was a beautiful wedding and everything was great until the ceremony. I've always been on the bigger side in my size and I was hoping that wouldn't be an issue, which it didn't seem to be because she asked me to be her flower girl, which usually is a child but she doesn't have children and she practically raised me so in her eyes I was her child.
I felt honored and cried at the thought that she loved me so much to go through with that because she and her husband are usually very traditional and her telling me she saw me as her daughter had me extremely emotional. She took me dress shopping, bought the dress for me herself, and said she liked the dress that we chose together.
The theme was a rose garden so I got a nice floor length slightly body hugging pastel red dress with a slit on the side and a couple cutouts around my waist but, again, she picked it out herself, revealing myself like that usually leaves me slightly embarrassed but she insisted on the dress.
For weeks leading up to the wedding I repeatedly asked her if she was still comfortable with me wearing the dress and she said yes...until the wedding day.
I showed up to the wedding in the dress, made sure I wore flats so I wasn't too tall (I'm 5'7 so I didn't want to tower over her since she is slightly shorter and so is her husband, and they politely asked me not to wear heels so I didn't), and I felt like for once I was actually excited to be seen like this.
I didn't stand out too much, everyone was wearing green dresses and suits, the brides maids had dark red dresses, and this was all to make sure the bride stood out while she was wearing all white.
I was having a good time talking with everyone when my sister pulled me aside and asked me "are you going to change your dress?" I looked at her confused and asked her what she meant and she said "I changed my mind on the dress, I don't like it and I think you're showing too much skin."
I felt hurt, and extremely disrespected and disappointed since she didn't tell me this before so I reminded her she picked out the dress by hand and for the past weeks told me it was still ok. She got angry and said "Yeah well I changed my mind so you should go change, you're just showing too much." (I was not the only one showing skin like this.)
So, feeling extremely disrespected and upset I told her "I don't want to be around someone who thinks my bigger size is an issue, or someone who cannot communicate properly." And left the wedding.
I went home and cried for a while, and so far I've gotten multiple texts and calls from her getting mad at me calling me a flake out and even our family has sided with her but also won't listen to my side. The family who have heard my side with proof of everything have sided with me but I still feel like I might be the ah here.
EDIT:
Edit: I'm an XL person, I've always been bigger, but other people smaller than me were showing similar amounts of skin and weren't ever told to cover up or change out of their dresses as told to me by other family members.
She did not give me anything else to change into and I didn't bring anything because I wasn't expecting to be asked to change. I also didn't mean to sound like I was talking about it as a fat thing because it's not, more just the fact she specifically told ME to show less skin when others were showing a similar amount, sorry for the confusion! AITAH?
Here's what the top commenters had to say about this one:
Beautiful-Story2811 said:
"...No I did not gain weight, if anything I lost some in the past few months..." Ding, Ding, Ding!!! Sister was probably jealous that you looked better in that dress than she remembered and she didn't want you to outshine her on heR BiG daY.
"I reminded her she picked out the dress by hand and for the past weeks told me it was still ok." Continue to remind your sister of this and provide facts and receipts to anyone else coming at you sideways. If that doesn't stop the nonsense, Block and Mute are my favorite functions. Use as needed. NTAH.
DUDEI82QB4IP said:
You’re taller than your sister and lost a bit of weight? I bet you looked goooooood in your dress and she didn’t realize how good you’d look. I bet you looked better in it than she thought you did when she bought it and that’s why she threw a fit and is trying to paint you as the bad guy.
You might be curvier rather than fat, check your self esteem and learn to love you and dress for your shape.
Let family/friends etc know what happened, explain you felt so attacked and hurt you HAD to leave.She’d embarrassed you so much you couldn’t stay. This is all on her NOT you. I’m sorry she treated you like that, weddings can bring out the worst in people. You are Def NTA I hope things improve soon.
Sonsangnim said:
NTA She changed her mind once you were already at the wedding? About the dress she chose? You had every right to leave and to cry. What a b*th of a bridezilla.
marybry74 said:
NTA. What did she expect you to change into? Did she think you magically had a dress she would approve of in your pocket? Ridiculous request to do at the wedding.
Huge-Focus591 said:
This is bizarre. NTA. She must have been upset about other things at the wedding and decided to use you as a pouncing bag. Why would she assume you had another dress to change into. She used her day to shame you.
Creative_Garden_7155 said:
NTA, but what else did she expect you to wear? Had you or she brought an alternative dress to the wedding? Was there time for you to go home and change into something else?
This is a far-out theory, but I’m starting to wonder if maybe she changed her mind (or was influenced by others) about you being her flower girl. If she “objected” to the dress and there was nothing else for you to change into, you had no choice but to just be a guest at the wedding. I could be wrong, but this is what it looks like to me. You did the right thing by leaving if the way she approached you was hurtful.