'AITA for leaving my wife at a restaurant after she insulted me? She claims it was a joke.'

"AITA for leaving my wife at a restaurant after she insulted me?"

My wife (31F) and I (30F) were at a restaurant to celebrate a big milestone in my career. I was talking about my career in voice acting (which I absolutely love) before she decided to insult me by saying 'you should be a mime instead so no one has to hear you talking anymore'. My wife always makes a lot of jokes like these, basically insulting me which i usually don't pay too much attention to.

This 'joke' in particular really hurt me because I used to be very self conscious about my voice due to being b#$lied for years about the way I used to speak so this hit me really hard. She also knows this was a hard point in my life and it was very hard to get past it. After she said this, i just said 'are you serious?' before standing up abruptly and walking away.

I didn't tell her where I was going, but I drove to my studio and have been here for the past few hours. She has been blowing up my phone with calls and messages about leaving her at the restaurant to pay the bill (it was an expensive restaurant and I usually pay for our outings as I make more money) and for leaving her 'stranded' as I took the car when I left.

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting as my wife always says this is just her sense of humour and I need to stop being a snowflake but she is blowing up my phone calling me immature for leaving over a 'joke'. AITA for leaving her at the restaurant?

EDIT: since a lot of people are referring to me as a man, husband, he/him. I am a woman. Me and my wife are lesbians!! Thank you.

The internet had strong opinions.

Elef-ant wrote:

Does she even like you? It’s not a joke if no one’s laughing…

OP responded:

I would like to think so because we have been married for almost 5 years...she never used to make jokes like this before so I'm not really sure what happened.

Fatty_Bambour wrote:

NTA. Your wife is a b#$ly who is upset that you finally stood up to her and showed up her poor behaviour. She belittles you via her so-called sense of humour to make her feel better about herself.

I would hope that this might make her think about her behaviour in future, but I doubt it. B#$lies never change - they just become more subtle or find a new target. You need to have a good long think about the whole relationship.

HallAccomplished5000 wrote:

So you foot the bills for outings because you make more money...but she insults you?

You know you could be single and find someone who supports you in what you do and sees you as an equal partner and splits costs.

Go home and don't speak to her for a week when she tries to engage just don't speak. When she asks say you are 'just practicing your mime routine as apparently that is better.' When he comes to her wanting access to your money just say but it comes from me using my voice which you find so bad you rather I was a mute. Go figure it on your own. You are not a snowflake you are living with a b#$ly.

Far-Initiative-3303 wrote:

Jokes that hurt are called b#$ying. When her jokes don't land and she tells you to stop being a snowflake the red flags are flying high. Her not apologising but complaining about paying the bill and having no transport show she cares about herself not you and how she hurt you.

Your post and comments suggest this is a repeated pattern of behaviour and not a one off. Please consider if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life. NTA.

Noodleswiththeeggie wrote:

NTA. Your wife sure is though. The first thing anyone owes their partner is respect. The second you stop respecting and admiring each other is when the relationship begins to die. She needs some help learning to respect you again, otherwise you should reconsider whether you want to spend the rest of your life with a b#$ly.

OkConsideration8964 wrote:

NTA. Jokes are supposed to be funny. This one was made at your expense, which makes it b#$lying. Congrats on your career milestone. I do a lot of on-hold voice over work ie: Your call is very important to us.

Please listen carefully as our menu options have recently changed. (I do some big national/international accounts so you've probably cursed at me at least once lol). I'm very fortunate that my husband is my biggest cheerleader. Your wife should be yours.

Msterious1 wrote:

I see the top comments all describing her as a bu#$y or just saying that her humour isn't humour. But the behavior you're describing is verbally and emotionally a#$sive. She is your abuser. If someone said that to me, there would be no second chance. Getting stuck with an expensive restaurant bill and uber fare would be getting off lightly.

And no, this is not "just a sense of humour." Humour is something that makes people laugh with joy, not with embarassment or worse, grimace in pain instead.

You are not a snowflake, or an AH, for taking a very reasonable step to protect yourself. I hope you are stashing money in a secret account for the day when you find that you have no choice but to divorce.