'AITA for letting my MIL call me the wrong name for a decade?'
"AITA for letting my MIL call me the wrong name for a decade?"
My MIL and I do not get along. She (on multiple occasions) has given me a list of women she wished my husband would have married instead of me. She told me I needed weight loss surgery when I was pregnant (I was five pounds over my BMI, she has cankles).
Also when I was pregnant she told mutual friends she had to stay with me so I didn’t, “screw up the baby.” All fun stories for another time. I don’t care to have a relationship with her so I mostly ignore her and my husband and I make fun of her later. Not entirely healthy but it’s how we cope.
When my hubby and I were dating we started getting serious so we did the whole meet the parents thing. I have a very common 80’s girl name. Not hard to pronounce and super easy. My husband introduced me to his parents and everything was fine.
A little later my MIL calls me by the wrong name. I politely correct her. It’s worth noting here my MIL HATES to be corrected or told she is wrong about anything. She will literally scream and start rage crying if you correct her on something and insist she is right.
This is exactly what happened. She flies into a rage and screams at me that she knows my name. I’m shocked, wide eyes mouth hanging open like a trout and everyone else is just acting like nothing is happening since apparently this is a common occurrence.
Years goes by, she continues to call me the wrong name. Everyone else calls me by the correct name. When my husband is talking to her and uses my name she says, “who’s that?” To which my husband replies, “uh… my wife?”
This Thanksgiving the in-laws come for the holiday. My five year old is learning his safety info for school: address, phone number, parents names etc. I’m quizzing my son so he can get a reward for learning the info. My MIL is lurking behind us. We get to, “what’s mom’s name?”.
My MIL jumps in before my son can answer and says the wrong name like she’s beating him at TV trivia show. My son looks at me wide eyed and obviously confused. Partly from the shock of his kindergarten assignment turning into a fast paced game of Jeopardy and partly because he knows that’s not my name.
I have to say something at this point so I ignore my MIL completely and tell my son, “that’s not mom’s name what is it?” My son answers with the correct name. My MIL spends the next couple minutes insisting she’s right. My husband and I tell her she’s not. Instead of exploding she unexpectedly sulks.
Later we go over to my parents house. As I’m setting the table I see my MIL cornering my mom in the kitchen grilling her about my name. Apparently my MIL was convinced we were lying to her so she needed to verify with my mom 😂.
She insists no one told her my real name. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy Thanksgiving a little more this year knowing that my MIL thought we were running a ten year campaign to embarrass her.
My husband and I have had a lot of laughs about this for the past few months but recently I told the story to a friend who said I was an AH for letting her call me the wrong name for a decade then laughing at her behind her back about it. So I guess my question is AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
To Friend: MIL insisted that my name was X. I told her it was not. Her son told her it was not. She threw a temper tantrum. We moved on. For the next ten years she called me by the wrong name. She ignored everyone calling me by my right name.
After ten years, she was confronted with the truth. She is embarrassed that she ignored everyone for ten years. She verbally attacked MY MOTHER. MIL is the AH here. There. and Everywhere.
My MIL called me by my husband's old girlfriend's name for 4 years. I just thought she was senile, so it never bothered me. The way I found out she was doing it on purpose was when my FIL yelled at her to quit it. She learned my name that day lol!
That’s when you should have said to you FIL “My bad.I thought she had dementia, I didn’t relize she was just being an AH.”
NTA. You corrected her. Your husband has corrected her. She chose not to believe you (or anyone else for that matter) when you corrected her. Instead, she blew up. Honestly, she ignored the whole family who used the right name.
She ignored your husband when he used your name and when asked, "Who is that?" replied my wife. Your friend either ignored the details or has had a similar situation happen to them, and they are still embarrassed. Your friend and MIL are the AHs.
I would be super Duper petty in the situation and I would try to find out what your father-in-law‘s ex-girlfriend‘s name was and I’d call your mother-in-law that name.
NTA. I don’t for a second believe she did not know your name. She was power tripping. I believe she called you the wrong name in front of your son on purpose. To get him to call you the wrong name. She thought you would just go along with it like you have for so many years.
NTA. It isn't your fault that she couldn't be bothered to "learn" your actual name. She decided that she was calling you the right name and, therefore, her embarrassment is her own doing.