'AITA for making my ex-husband look bad in front of his family?'
"AITA for making my ex husband look bad in front of his family?"
I (49F) had an ex husband named Jake (53). We have three kids (Kyle 18 F, Karter 21 M and Knox 25 M). When I was pregnant with Kyle he was cheating on me with his assistant Abigail. She was an 18 year old freshman in college at the time. She got pregnant with Lizzie a year later. When I wouldn’t take him back we got a divorce and he married her. He then had two more kids with her.
He paid child support but that was it and only see them once a month. However if one of the kids asked him for something he’ll agree to get it, but wouldn’t answer the kids phone calls until he figured I had gotten what they needed. He wouldn’t show up to any of the kids sports games or plays. But if his aunts and mom would go then he would be them. His aunts and mom are big time lawyers and he needs their approval.
His family is somewhat shallow. If someone isn’t in a prestigious position then they’ll look down upon them. And any form of gossip is seen as negative and they’ll yell at you for making the family look bad.
So in front of them Jake would brag about everything he does for the kids when in reality he does nothing. However my kids see their family vacations and at first it hurt them, but they began to ignore it. He told them it was because I take them on two vacations every year and Lizzie only gets one.
He just tells his family it was because the kids didn’t want to go. However during the Christmas party, Lizzie was talking to her great aunts about the upcoming trip to the Dominican Republic. Kyle then asked what they were talking about. She explained how the family was taking a trip and that their dad said they had other plans. Kyle explained how she had no plans and neither did her brothers so they’ll love to come.
Here’s where the problem start...my kids being that far away with their dad never sat right with me so I went with them on vacation. His wife wasn’t happy but me and his family are still close so it wasn’t weird. So at a dinner my daughter and karter go to a very prestigious college, and my oldest is in medical school.
So his mom asked what’s happening with all the kids, my daughter then explains how she was chosen for an internship for a tech company and everyone congratulated her. His mom then asked about Lizzie.
My daughter told me that Lizzie has been bragging about a secret and everyone thinks that she got into her dream college so his mom was smiling ear to ear waiting to congratulate her. But Lizzie explains that she’s pregnant.
Everyone’s face fell to the floor including Jake's. Everyone began to question Jake and Abigail’s parenting. Jake then said that it was all on Lizzie because he parenting was a result of my children’s success. I was tired of the lies and explained how he was never there unless his family was there in order to look good in front of them.
They then asked if that was true and he tried to lie saying of course not then Kyle chimed in saying that he hadn’t even invited them to this vacation, and that he lies about everything and he’s a sh%tty dad. Kyle stormed off and me and my sons ran after her. Later I got a text from Jake thanking me for ruining his family. I didn’t text him back. I do feel bad because it probably wasn’t the time or place.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Careless_League_9494 said:
NTA. If he wasn't such a sh$tty person there would be nothing bad to say about him. It's always wild to me when people blame other people for the consequences of their actions, and refusing to lie for them.
Still_Actuator_8316 said:
NTA. He dug his own pit and stepped in it.
Careless_Welder_4048 said:
I'm going to be honest, you have been too nice to that man for far too long. I would have gone to his family over him all the time to get what they needed. NTA.
Tall_Wall7580 said:
NTA. This was a classic case of "He made his bed and now must lie in it." It is not on you or your kids to maintain his lies.
LanaraLore said:
NTA. You kids had a burn it all down moment and honestly it probably needed to happen.
BigNathaniel69 said:
NTA, I would argue it turned out to be the exactly correct time and place.
HoshiJones said:
What are you talking about? You didn't make him look bad, he did. You weren't the absent parent, he was. You didn't lie about his parenting, he did. NTA.