'AITA for not caring about 'honoring' my in-laws by letting them see our firstborn child right away?'

"AITA for not caring about 'honoring' my in-laws?"

Let me preface that I fully understand that many people have different viewpoints of “honoring” their parents, lol. So my husband and I apparently have differing views about honoring our parents, and I’ve been made out to be the “AH” by his family multiple times. His family is not respecting of boundaries I’ve put up, and he (husband) also put up, and so I’ve definitely been a bit more rigid about things.

My husband already ruined what I wanted for our wedding by inviting his whole extended family as his parents wanted him to (I wanted something more intimate), letting his mother take unwanted “formal” wedding pictures which made me uncomfortable (we’d hired a photographer), and just other various things.

They push and push and push and it’s suffocating. Anyways— now I’ve become TA again because I don’t want to “honor” his parents by letting them see me and our firstborn child within the first 24 hours of me giving birth.

(I don’t want my parents there, either, lol, I just want it to be the two of us.) I already know myself and my body and my emotions, and with how overbearing his parents are— I know it’s going to be hell for me. He claims that the birth isn’t “just about us, it’s about our parents, too” which I laughed in his face about (maybe that’s AH-ish, lol).

My parents don’t believe their first grandchild is about them, and so I’m not sure where my husband and his parents get this notion. AITA for sticking my ground and refusing that? I feel like I’m going literally insane, lol.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Necessary-Extreme596 wrote:

NTA. Dear lord do we have the same in-laws? Because I swear mine act like this. If your in laws are particularly religious (like mine are) remind them about the concept of “leaving and cleaving” where it’s laid out that a man shall leave his mother and father and become one with his wife…meaning what they want takes a back seat.

You are your husband’s priority. You can still honor your parents without bending to their every whim. This is something my husband and I fought through as well and it caused a LOT of problems early in our relationship and into our marriage. Stand your ground.

OP responded:

We are indeed religious, lol. Glad, but also sad that I’m not alone. I hope things have got a bit better for y’all.

dryadduinath wrote:

NTA. Your in-laws wouldn’t be a problem if your husband didn’t let them. And he is letting them. Has been since before the wedding.

You got a husband problem.

StAlvis wrote:

NTA.

There's nothing funny about people dishonoring your perfectly healthy boundaries. I'm just surprised there was one "LOL" in this post, let alone four.

OP responded:

I’m a millennial, what can I say— tying to not let this situation get me down completely.

Suitable-Park184 wrote:

NTA on the first 24 hours. It’s a medical event, your call 100%. On some of the other stuff, compromise is important. It was both your wedding and he valued more family just as much as you valued a more intimate event. Neither is wrong.

His mother’s opinion about the wedding and photos doesn’t matter. Sometime though it can be easier just to give her behavior a big eye roll and not dwell on her. Just limit time with her and ignore her nonsense.

OP responded:

Yeah I’ll admit I gotta get over the wedding stuff, so thank you for that balanced opinion.

Wild_Midnight_1347 wrote:

If it was me, based on what you wrote, I would be “dishonoring” the in-laws. Inform the hospital who should be allowed in. But more important, you have a serious husband problem. Your husband does what his parents want him to do and disregarding your feelings. Be prepared to go to your parent’s house with your baby.

Gottahavemysay wrote:

NTA. You have a husband problem. I think you should send a group text to his and your parents and him, making it clear that you do not want visitors for the first x days. However, on Day X, you and your husband will host an event (assuming that all went well with the birth and medical advice agrees) where they can all meet the new baby.

Photos can be taken etc etc. Sign it with love from both of you. Stick to your guns and tell your husband that when he has pushed a watermelon sized object through his a--,, then he can have a say in visitor schedules. See if you can get the medical staff to also tell him that no visitors for the first week is a good idea.

friendlily wrote:

NTA but I'm not sure why you stayed married to and had a kid with the guy who keeps disrespecting you and caving to his mommy's demands. He is never going to back you up so you need to take that as you will.

If you don't want his parents in the hospital then you probably need to ban him too. He'll bring them anyway. Or he'll try and even if you have the staff kick them out you'll still be stressed which is terrible for labor and for healing afterwards.

Neshama_722 wrote:

NTA. I will say this repeatedly forever, BIRTH IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT. Parents need time to bond with their child and figure out how to breathe as a family before it gets disrupted by unwanted advice and over stepping. The best thing about C0VID was limited hospital guests at births.

Ultimately, get in therapy and if he doesn’t cave I’d consider him not being there either.

PS: if you want people there have whoever you want but the naked person in the room gets to decide and that’s the person birthing the baby.

000ero wrote:

NTA. Regarding your upcoming birth, could you word it to him like "I don't want to have any visitors for the first 24H because it's also a traumatic event on my mind and body, but your parents can be the first to visit the next day?" Maybe?

You shouldn't have to compromise on your boundaries but it seems like he really values his cultural traditions as well. Understandable since it's your first child, but it's also your first time giving birth.