'AITA for not giving away my Taylor Swift cardigan to a disabled girl on my cheer squad?'

"AITA for not giving away my Taylor Swift cardigan to a disabled girl?"

Backstory: I (Female, High school Junior), am a part of my schools cheer team, Stu Co, and peer mentor (mentoring disabled kids) program. (I also have a job at a cafe). As embarrassing as it is, I'm also a die hard swiftie and have been since 2016.

My coach let a girl with down syndrome join our sideline cheer program. As a member of all those programs I am required to dress up for spirit weeks.

Story: The day was ugly sweater day (thursday), I didn't own an ugly sweater. However, I own the Speak Now cardigan, by no means is it ugly, BUT its very "out there" (its bright purple). So I wore it and got posted on the Stu Co and Cheer Instagram page. Also, I worked long hours in summer 2023 before the cardigan came out, I bought it at the end of the summer when it was released.

This cardigan, as stupid as it sounds, was my first real big purchase and I was pretty proud of myself. Anyways, the girl with down syndrome is also a Swiftie and saw my posts on Instagram. Her mother saw that I thought my T.S Cardigan was ugly so she DMed me and asked if id be willing to give it to her daughter.

I VERY respectfully declined and let her know I didn't think the cardigan was ugly, just very out there. Again, I was respectful. Her mom replied telling me that I can just buy another one and called me ableist. I kindly told her the story of how hard I worked for it. Also, I couldn't have bought another one, the restock was over and eBay is too expensive and out of budget.

The next day (Friday), my cheer coach texted me to tell me how rude I am and how I need to give up my cardigan and apoligize. I sent her screenshots of the DMs and told her the sentiment and meaning behind the cardigan. She gave me a speech about how its my duty as a cheerleader to do this and how "I lead the school" and stuff.

When I showed my parents everything, they sided with me. They asked why this mother couldn't just buy her child a cardigan instead of taking mine and making me buy a used one, I wondered the same thing but I couldn't say that because I can't be rude.

When I went to check a math grade on Saturday I noticed I have been removed from the pure mentor program entirely, My dad called the school and got no response. We have Monday off today and no one will respond to me or my family so, What do i do? And, AITA?

The internet quickly weighed in.

indicatprincess wrote:

NTA. You don’t have to justify not wanting to give away your things. That was incredibly inappropriate of her mother. Make sure you fight this because they’re coming for your college future. Those cardigans are often sold out. That’s not your fault or your problem.

mikiful wrote:

100% agree with you. I feel like her coach was equally inappropriate.

"My cheer coach texted me to tell me how rude I am and how I need to give up my cardigan and apoligize."

Why does this random adult get to decide OP needs to give up her belongings? It's supposedly OP's duty? Why doesn't the coach set a good example and buy the other kid a sweater then, LOL.

OP responded:

Thank you for this, this made me think about how all the programs i take part in are crucial from achieving my goals of getting into a good college. Getting kicked out of any of these programs is detrimental.

Yukimor wrote:

You are NTA. However, you don’t do anything. You let your parents handle this. This is a bunch of adults b-llying a child to try and steal a literal piece of clothing off her back— that child being you— and you need your parents to step in and advocate for you. Your parents need to go to the school in person and speak with the headmaster/principal. Take a deep breath. This, too, shall pass.

Remember that you are not required to give up your possessions to another simply because they want it, and that you are being targeted by a bunch of adults (who should know better) over a goddamn Taylor Swift cardigan. Take a moment to revel in how pathetic that is on the part of the adults. In any case, let your parents deal with contacting the school and getting to the bottom of this.

In the meantime, keep all copies of written communication you receive, and document things as they happen (I.e write down a timeline of when the b-llying began, when you received texts from the mother and coach, when you noticed you were removed from the mentor program) and give it to your parents.

It will help them when they sit down with the school and demonstrate the b-llying and harassment. Your parents may need to go above the principal (in the US, that’s the superintendent) but first step is to get a meeting with the principal and see if they can’t resolve it there.

quiet_village_1425 wrote:

Lawyer up!! This is ridiculous. Tell your parents to fight this one!

OP responded:

Will do!! my school district has a history of siding with whichever parents is more powerful and angrier. (corrupt I know)

catskilkid wrote:

NTA. Parents need to schedule a conference with the Superintendent or principal and bring those screen shots. Cheer coach has NO standing at all to put that guilt trip on you. She can just as easily buy one for this girl. The Mom is ridiculous based on your post.

Seems strange that she would demand a hot item without offering compensation. This has nothing to do with downs syndrome and they are gaslighting you to think otherwise. If your post is 100% correct, then they are trying to steam roll you and you need to address this with the administration and your parents should be there with you.

Pens_fan71 wrote:

As a disabled person we should have the goal of parity of opportunities. Accomodations to help us do my more easily what others are able to do (parking near a store so there is less walking caused pain associated with shopping and more safety for people in wheelchairs in parking lots... ramps to allow people in wheelchairs to go where people who can walk can go for example.).

Our disabilities don't make us entitled to possessions or special treatment because we're disabled- they aren't some sort of blanket pass to get everything we desire or way to cause people to feel guilty.

You are being b-llied by adults who should know better. Have your parents contact the school, demand a meeting and show the screen shots. If they get no satisfaction from the principal, move on to the superintendent. I'm sorry you are going through this experience... The adults involved should know better.