'AITA for not hugging my gf when she is radioactive?'
"AITA for not hugging my gf when she is radioactive?"
My gf is undergoing what is hopefully her last cancer treatment. Due to this treatment she is currently radioactive and has to stay in isolation for 2 weeks. She's allowed to have contact but when she does the doctors recommended 2 meters distance with a maximum of 1hour.
She asked me to go back to my parents for these 2 weeks since our apartment is quite small and she would have too much difficulty with not being able to touch me.
We are almost a week in that period and tomorrow I would be coming over for a little while. But during our call today I stated that we shouldn't hug and she got quite upset about that.
I also have problems with setting and keeping boundaries. Which is something I am working on, so that to me gives an extra layer of difficulty. Because when am I supposed to keep or break boundaries that I set and when are these boundaries unreasonable.
Last year we were in a similar situation and that time I broke my boundary and afterwards I felt kind of bad about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
crwona writes:
NTA, she was given medical advices by professionals who know what they’re doing, and that should be followed in addition to your personal boundaries and your health and wellbeing.
You clearly care about her health from the first paragraph, and it’s quite unfortunate to be placed in this sticky situation where you’re torn between supporting her through this journey, while maintaining your own mental and physical health and safety due to the additional factor of radiations.
Give her reassurances that the physical touch will return once the safety period is over. In the meantime, may i suggest some alternative solutions that might help - give her items of clothing from you such as hoodies so that she could wrap them around herself and feel like its a hug from you.
See each other in person and do facetime calls and touch/hug through the screen from the safe distance of 2+m. It’s hard but it won’t last forever, and you could make efforts to show her that you’re both making the best out of the crappy temporary situation. I wish you and her the best from this time and forward.
rokalol writes:
NAH. You're not wrong for keeping your boundary, but your partner is not forcing you or coercing you to break it (at least, as told). She's reasonably upset in a very tough situation. Does she have a counsellor or therapist she can talk to?
It could have also been the timing of the comment that she's upset with. It might have been something she hadn't considered until that point. There are layers here, OP, and I think it's important that you keep your boundary for yourself, but that you remain open to listerning to your partner, because she obviously is feeling the strain.
fleatp writes:
Eh, the hug wouldn't matter that much. The dose you would receive is related to the time you spend near the source, and it is inversely related to the distance. What the latter means is that if you double the distance between you and the source, you will be receiving 1/4 of the dose.
What this means is a quick hug wouldn't be a problem, as long as you then stepped back to give the 2m distance afterwards. Now, what you shouldn't do is anything that could result in the exchange of fluids (including kissing) as there will be radioactive material there, which would then stick on you in a way that it wouldn't for a hug.
The potassium in your body is radioactive, and your yearly dose from this is 15x the dose you would get from an xray, for example.
If you are having trouble with boundaries, then you should discuss this with a therapist. This is a very specific situation, and the average person (including doctors) are usually way more freaked out about radiation than they need to be, which is why I commented in this fashion. I don't think I can draw any conclusions about your abilities to set and keep boundaries for it.
falgah7 writes:
NAH. But talk to the doctor. This recommendation is a blanket one, and they go out "harsh" to reduce the risk for that people do not treat it as seriously at all, and have children snuggling up with highly radioactive parents for hours. A 2 min hug with an adult? Personally, I am in my 40s. As long as there was zero risk for that I'd be pregnant? I would taken the risk.