'AITA for not letting my BF drive my dad's Ferrari while my dad was out of town?' UPDATED 6X

"AITA for not letting my BF drive my dad's Ferrari?"

My dad is wealthy, not like mega rich billionaire wealthy but pretty damn wealthy. My dad owns this Ferrari v12 super car that he LOVES. He takes it out to drive a few times a month when he can and usually likes to take it to a local track. He's very protective of that car and doesn't want anyone driving it.

He let me drive it once at his track, and I had like a race car driver instructor with me but honestly I am sort of afraid of it. It's really powerful and just more car then I can handle. Anyways I'm dating this dude and he saw my dad's car when he was over and he asked me if he could drive it.

I told him he would have to ask my dad cause it's his not mine but that I don't think he would let him because my dad doesn't really want anyone driving it. Anyways he left it alone. He brought it up to my dad later but my dad said no. My dad said he let me drive it once at a track with a race driver in the passenger seat and that he just didn't trust anyone else to drive it.

So my dad went out of town and now my BF is asking me to let him drive the car while my dad is gone. He keeps asking me where the keys are and can he just take it for a spin and I keep telling him no and it's making me uncomfortable he keeps asking.

Finally he got mad at me and called me a b-ch and said I should be supportive of him that I should understand he doesn't have a rich family and will probably never have this opportunity again and that if I loved him I would do this for him. I dunno.

I get that he doesn't really have another opportunity to drive this car, but like it's just a car and my dad would be really pissed if I let him. AITA? I believe I might be the AH because my BF can't afford a car like this on his own and I feel bad that I'm denying him the opportunity to drive one which is something he really wants I am denying him his dream.

Commenters had a lot to say in response.

MonkeyBirdWeird wrote:

NTA. Do not let him drive that car! It is not worth violating your dad's trust over some dude, and let me assure you, he is just some dude. I grew up poor, and on behalf of all poor people he does not have a right to someone else's possessions.

Imagine if you gave him the keys and something goes wrong, imagine how your father would look at you as a person. Is this clearly selfish dude worth the relationship with your dad? Don't let this idiot gaslight you. Breakup with his a--.

OP responded:

He keeps telling me if I love him I'll let him drive it. But yea I worry, worry he'll k-ll himself with it or like trash it and my dad will be really mad at me.

9mackenzie wrote:

Then you should run from him. He is clearly showing ab-sive tendencies and is manipulating you.

OP responded:

I'm hearing that a lot is it really that bad?

JudgeJanus wrote:

Your boyfriend isn't named Ferris Bueller, by chance? To paraphrase the movie, you are not ready for this much heat. If your boyfriend damaged the car, he has no way to pay for the damages, if you are minors, his parents could sue your father, if he gets hurt in the car.

And he's behaving like a toddler. Who would let someone who is this immature, drive ANY car??? You are NTA. But the same way your Dad upgraded his ride, you may want to seriously consider a boyfriend upgrade.

Not long after posting, OP shared a series of small updates.

EDIT: A lot of people are calling this ab-se and a red flag and honestly I never really thought it was that bad. I just thought teenage boy wants to drive fast car. Like it really didn't register to me that it was ab-sive or manipulative.

EDIT 2. So that people know I did take the keys and put them in my dad's safe about 30ish minutes after this post went up. A lot of people have mentioned he doesn't see a long term relationship with me because he said "this is the only chance I'll get" I honestly didn't register that but yea its got me thinking.

EDIT 3: I guess I have to watch this Ferris Bueller movie now. I'll probably invite some of my girls over for an 80s movie night.

Edit 4: cant go through all the comments right now I have to get to class but yes I get the message loud and clear and I will come up with an exit strategy. Also any recommendations for 80s movie night? Ferris Bueller obv

Edit 5: Good news and bad news. Good news heard your message loud and clear and today he really showed who he is. Bad news I have more s-t to deal with from him. We are over after this. I cant even...

The next day, she shared a major update.

Some background. I come from a wealthy family and go to private school. He comes from a middle class family and goes to public school. I'm 18f he's 18m and we both are seniors in HS. My dad has a Ferrari my BF wants to drive while my dad is out of town my BF is pressuring me to let him drive it while my dad is gone.

My dad doesn't let anyone drive that car. He only let me drive it once at a racetrack with a racecar driving instructor with me. MY BF says if I love him I'll let him drive my dads car. But I don't want to let him because its not my car its my dad's. So its becoming this big fight between us and I locked up the keys to my dads car in the safe just to be sure.

Then I started thinking about other things he does and maybe its not as innocent and playful as I thought. He teases me a lot about being a "spoiled rich daddy's girl" he never says it in like an angry mean way but he says it a lot. Honestly I never really thought too much about it because its not entirely off the mark.

He also tells me a lot that I don't know what "the real world is like" because I grew up in a spoiled rich bubble and honestly thought maybe he was also right about that too cause I did go to private schools my whole life and I have never wanted for anything and my college is paid for and everything. So like I definitely try to remain aware of my good fortune.

He also sorta shows me off to his friends and calls me his "hot rich gf" and again I just thought it was sorta playful and harmless. Now I don't know though. He is really being pushy about this car, and now he's texting me about throwing a party at my house now that my Dad's gone but like I really don't like that idea either.

My dad trusted me a lot to stay home alone while he went on his trip. I begged him not to send me to my moms and he though cause I'm 18 I'm mature enough to handle this so like I don't want to just ruin that by letting my bf take his car out and trashing his house with a party. But my BF is being really pushy.

TL;DR: My BF makes a lot of "joking" comments about being from a wealthy family and I'm starting to think I'm just a status symbol to him

Things have gotten a lot worse today. We're so done now.

Commenters kept it real in response.

mezlabor wrote:

Saw your previous post in AITA and now seeing this its clear to me whats going on. You're out of his league and he knows it, so his "jokes" are really him negging you. He's trying to bring you down and erode your confidence so you don't realize you are out of his league. You're smart enough to know that car is too much for either of you to handle, he's not.

That means already you're smarter then he is. You're concerned with keeping your father's trust he wants you to break it, not a good deal for you. I know you're young and maybe cant see these things yet but trust me and everyone on AITA and probably what's going to follow here on RA as well. This guy is bad news and you're right to be questioning your relationship. Dump him.

dswpro wrote:

He wants the ferrari more than he wants you. Tell him your dad is staying home, so sorry, no ferrari. Don't have him or anyone else over while your dad is gone either. Earning your father's trust is far more valuable than your BFs fake love, or any party you may have. You will probably not know this guy after you go to college and he joins the army.

He really sounds envious, not confident in himself, and like a user. Otherwise he would not call you spoiled. Spend zero time with him this weekend. See if he whines. Prepare for college. There are actual men graduating from colleges every year and you can do better than Mr. "red flag".

OP responded:

Yea I starting to think now is a good time to break up. I start at Stanford in the fall and he isn't going to college so we'd be long distance. It just sucks. he was my first bf and I hate for it to end this way.

luvmyvulvaxoxo wrote:

What does your dad think about your bf? Has he given you an opinion? The worst thing I did in high school was ignore my family’s warnings that my bf was a piece of s-t. I thought he was my first love. And looking back I realize he was just a manipulative a-s.. I bet you’ll feel the same about your bf in 5 years.

OP responded:

My dad mostly keeps his opinion to himself. I dunno what he thinks. But my mother hates him. Utterly hates him. But my mom. Shes not like my dad. She did grow up rich and comes from many generations of family wealth. She has this thing about class and status and didn't like him because he was "beneath me."

TroutMaskDuplica wrote:

I mean, to be fair, he doesn't know what the real world is like either.

OP responded:

He certainly claims to. He says he comes from the street and has "streetsmarts."

Five months later, OP shared another update.

Ok so it seemed a lot of people had things to say about the original and its sister thread so I figured you all would want a conclusion to this shitty trilogy. So here it is the final part of this crappy trilogy. For those that just want the conclusion I'll save you the trouble of going through the whole post the TLDR he never drove the car and we broke up.

For those interested in the whole story here it is:

Some background on our relationship. First off I paid for everything all the time. Anytime we went out on a date I footed the bill.

I didn't think much of it because I have so much and he doesn't so I thought it was pretty natural and just being a good gf to foot the bill. I drove him around everywhere. If he wanted something he would often guilt me into getting it for him. Sometimes this was things like 200 dollar Jordans, or 50 dollars for weed for the weekend.

I got him a new samsung galaxy phone for xmas. He never got me anything. Not once. Not even a hand made gift or a small thoughtful gift. Not even a flower he picked. It didn't need to be elaborate or expensive but he didn't even get me something to show he was thinking about me. I don't want to try and measure a relationship based off material things though so I let that go.

He would often tease me and make fun of me for being a spoiled rich daddy's girl and for going to an expensive exclusive private school. He made fun of me because my dad bought me a Mercedes but he never had a problem with me driving him around in it. He would make fun of me for taking school seriously, for maintaining a 4.0 for turning down parties or other things because I had papers to write or tests to study for.

He would often tell me I didn't know what the real world was like because I grew up in a wealthy neighborhood, around wealthy people and didn't know what the world was really like. I honestly kind of felt he was right about that. I did grow up more sheltered then average people and with a lot more. Most people don't get Mercedes for their 16th birthdays or ski trips to the alps or summer trips to St Barts.

I know that's not normal. I honestly don't really know what normal is. So i took his word that I had a sheltered life and he knew better about the real world. He introduced me to his friends as his hot rich gf which I assumed was supposed to be a compliment. He never said these things in a way that seemed overtly insulting.

He always said it as a joke with a smile. So I trusted that he cared about me. And that this was all just differences in our upbringing. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I was probably naïve. Funny thing about the whole "real world" thing though. he never dealt with the tragedy that we did. He didn't lose a family member to cancer.

He didn't have to watch his older old brother waste away from cancer and die at 13. He never had to watch his parents cry when they thought I wasn't watching. I did. Money didn't save my brother. I was 10 when that happened so I've always known that no matter how rich you are life doesn't care.

Bad things can happen to anyone and money cant always save you. I got a lot of replies about how he was ab-sive and manipulating and using me. I started really thinking about it and in light of what literally everyone was saying these things started to seem a lot less innocent and playful then I had been taking them to be.

The night I posted this pretty much while this thread and its sister thread were going on I got a text from Ex about throwing a party at my house while my dad was gone. I said no. I've been to high school ragers and I know what happens and I don't want my house trashed.

So I tell him this and he gives me a line he often used with me about needing to have more fun. I told him I didn't think cleaning up my dads wrecked house sounded like a lot of fun. He left it alone...or so I thought. I had been talking to some people in a chat about putting together a plan to break up with him safely but this next part forced my hand.

The next day I was in school and one of my best friends came up to me and she was sorta mad and wanted to know why I didn't tell her about the party first. I was...surprised. I told her there was no party and I wanted to know where she heard that from but I knew where it ultimately came from.

She told me she had heard from her friend that went to my EXs school and that everyone there was talking about it and it had spread to this school. I knew it was him. So I called him. He admitted that he had told everyone I was having a rager and he started telling everyone this when he was at school the previous day...BEFORE HE HAD EVEN ASKED ME ABOUT IT!

I was livid I told him he had no right to just invite his entire school to my house without even asking me first. We got into a big fight about it. Then he told me what he really thought of me. NGL I was sort of devastated to hear this. He called me boring and basic, spoiled and entitled. And now he wasn't joking.

He said I had a stick up my a-s and needed to learn how to lighten up and have fun. He said I was a daddy's girl and I cared more about grades and impressing my father then anything. He accused me of being Olivia Jade and having my dad buy my way into college. That one really stung because i worked really hard through High School to get accepted into a good University.

And it was also just like WTF cause here he is making fun of me for working too hard in school and at the same time saying I didn't earn my spot. So which one is it? Anyways we fought and he said a bunch of nasty things to me. Finally I told him if I was so boring he could find a new and exciting girlfriend to drive him around and pay for everything because I was done. I wish it ended there.

But I still had this party rumor that was now flying around at least two schools. I didn't want to call my dad about this. I wanted to take care of this on my own, take care of him on my own. I didn't want to admit to my dad that I made a really poor choice in dating him. I didn't want to have to have my dad bail me out the week he leaves. I wanted to show I was mature and grown up enough to fix this on my own.

But I just didn't know how to stop all these people from showing up. So I swallowed my pride and called my dad after school and told him everything. I tried not to cry but I did. My dad was mad but he wasn't mad at me. He did thank me for telling him and reassured me I had done the right thing. My dad made a call to a friend of his at the sheriff's office.

This part I feel some kinda way about cause I know how people feel about the police right now and I know that this is something that really shows off my privilege. I doubt this would have happened for many other people but the sherrifs told him they'd post a deputy on our block over the weekend. My dad also sent a pair of bodyguards for me for the weekend to make sure no one tried to break in.

He said I was allowed to have a few friends over the weekend but keep it clean no raging parties of course and no mess etc you know standard parent stuff. That week a few of my close friends stayed with me after school while I cried about all this and they helped me spread the word that there was no party. Friday came along and a few of my friends came back home with me after school.

We decided we'd do an 80s movie night like I mentioned and we did put Ferris Bueller on the list. We closed the gate put up a sign that there was no party. Private security showed up like my dad said and we bunkered down for the night and watched a bunch of 80s movies. There were a few people that did show up but they were chased off by the locked gate and deputy hanging out on the block.

I think we were able to dissuade most of them from showing up. I don't know how many because I just stayed inside with my girls watching movies and tried to ignore anything happening outside. I felt and continue to feel really sh-ty about it all. First off I feel like I wasted a lot of peoples time.

I know the authorities have more important things to do then babysit me and my house from teenagers. I know those bodyguards had more important people to protect then a teenage girl from a party. I know that most people could never be able to manage this. It all drove home just how privileged I am and honestly how my ex was right that I do live in a different and sheltered world from everyone else.

And then there's the m-rder of my social life lol. I'm single now with no date to prom and I caught a lot of s-t from a lot of our mutual social circle over this. I've been called spoiled and basic, snitch, Karen and Becky. Even some of the kids in my school were disappointed.

I know lots of kids in my school that will or have thrown ragers in their parents houses so even among some of my friends it was sorta expected I would. So besides my closest friends I'm pretty much a pariah now. But whatever, in the end I have 2 months left till graduation and then I'm out. Next fall I start college out of state and all this will be behind me.

BTW As for Ferris Bueller cause I kept hearing about it. I DID watch it. I thought Ferris Bueller was an AH and then I realized what an AH I was for dating a dude who was essentially Ferris Bueller. I was honestly embarrassed when I saw how similar they were and how head over heels in love with him I was.

After all this stuff happened I told my dad how the weekend went. I sorta teased him and said wow dad you will go to really great lengths to protect your stuff. And he said he wasn't protecting his stuff he was protecting me. I want to thank everyone who responded and especially the people who spent time chatting with me. I really didn't see how bad he was for me.

People were invested in the update.

LastKingOfEarth wrote:

First off, thanks for the update, and I'm so sorry that you lost your brother like you did. F-cancer. I work in cancer research on the data side of things and I thought my experience and knowledge with it would prepare me for when friends and love ones get it, and pass on from it, but the reality is nothing can prepare you for that.

I know this whole experience has, well, sucked for you, but you handled it amazingly well, and have become wiser from it.

You do seem to have a good head on your shoulders and a sharp mind and this will do well for you when you move onto college in the fall. As for what's "normal" and what the "real world" is, well, that's all relative. That smart-as-ed turd you were dating may think he has a grasp on it but his experiences are based on a microcosm derived from his social circles.

You on the other hand have a more worldly grasp on it even if you don't realize it thanks to the globetrotting your father was able to provide to you, exposing you to different cultures. And before you think that things like that are only reserved for the privileged, I can attest that is not the case as I know tons of people, including myself, that have been able to travel the world thanks to their parents jobs.

In my case it was a 3 year stint in Germany while my father worked for the government. As for feeling bad about your dad knowing someone in the sheriff's office and utilizing those resources, don't. First off, lots of people know c-ps, and most of them are willing to help. For one thing it's their job.

But it's more than that, by nipping the party in the bud and having the two security personnel stationed at your house you basically saved them countless hours of paperwork and court appearances had the police been needed to break up a party at your place, even more if dr-gs were found on the premises (and judging by that turd, I'm guessing that would have been a high probability).

Finally, knowing several folks in security I can tell you that you were not causing a shortage anywhere. The two guards and sheriff were probably thrilled with the easy detail. I know this has caused you to take a hit in your social circles, but think of it this way: it has shown you who your real friends are. The ones who were with you the night of the party are ones to keep.

The ones who were upset that a party that wasn't even supposed to happen didn't happen and are now giving you the cold-shoulder weren't really your friends but instead more like acquaintances that you had a cordial relationship with. As for prom, I hope you're able to go with your friends as a group and have a blast.

I went to two when I was your age, one with my friends and one on a date and frankly the one with friends was more fun for me, basically because there was less pressure. Your future is bright, and the best of luck at Stanford! With your drive for knowledge and school work ethic, you're going to go far!!!

OP responded:

I'm actually going for a biochem or bio engineering undergrad and thinking about going for my medical research m.d. after I get my BS. Whatever I wind up studying I know I want to go into finding cures for diseases, especially cancer.

jackieatx wrote:

Hey good job handling this situation! Just know that you literally don’t have to have a penny to your name and people will still use you if you allow it. You learned some valuable lessons about people and boundaries though all this. Most importantly our learned your limits and when you need to ask for help. That shit is hard. Pride can ruin anyone at any age.

Hold your head high at prom and tell anyone who tries to start shit that you’re sorry they’re so gullible. If they knew you at all they’d know that throwing a rager is totally out of character for you. Next time they need to stop paying heed to idle gossip. That guy was never your boyfriend - he was just a pathetic parasite who thought that bullying you would pay off but you’re too strong for that weak game. Kudos!

Julez_Masterz wrote:

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story and, definitely not the ahole! Your father is a wonderful man and dad! While I think almost everyone wishes that they had been raised with the same privilege that you have been afforded, you cannot be blamed for having a successful father who wanted the best for his daughter!

It's also great that you weren't sheltered from the world, unlike those who come from far right religious families. I wish there was a qualifying trial that would be parents have to participate in and if they failed to meet the same standards that your father lives up to then they would not be allowed to bring new life into this world!

I can only imagine how much safer as well as happier the world would be to live in! You learned who your ex-boyfriend was and, you were able to get out before he could destroy you. You now know what you don't want in a relationship as well as now knowing what kind of signs to look out for when you eventually get into your next relationship.

I honestly think that it would serve you better to wait to get into a new relationship until you get your degree so that you can devote as much time and energy into your studies rather than having to split them and potentially getting into another relationship that drains you.

It's wonderful to know that you wish to be a healer but, I would advise you to think carefully about the path you are wanting to go on. The medical field is still in its infancy with regards to healing. They are more interested in treating the symptoms rather than treating the cause because in the pharmaceutical industry, there is no business in curing disease.

When you are able to, you might better serve the world if you opened your own company with the expressed intent on finding cures! I hope you have a wonderful life and also hope that you find a group of people that you can call, friends that will never betray you and will always be by your side as well as always having your back and that you will do the same for them!