'AITA for not letting my dad give his ticket for a cycling event to my brother? It hurts me.'
"AITA for not letting my dad give his ticket to my brother?"
My brother (28m) and I (32m) don’t have a good relationship. He treated me terribly during a difficult time in my life and hasn’t apologized or shown any remorse. Despite this, I decided to forgive him for the sake of my parents and to keep the peace in the family. I’ve made it clear that I’m not looking for a closer relationship with him, but I’ll show up to family events if invited.
Fast forward to late December—there’s a big cycling event happening, which my dad and I were both interested in attending since it’s one of the few things we share a passion for. I thought it would be nice to go together, so I called him, he was excited, and I bought two tickets. Then my mom found out and totally freaked out because my brother, who lives abroad, might be in the country that day.
She was worried it would be “unfair” to him if my dad and I spent time together without him. My dad, however, didn’t even know if my brother would be home that day. Meanwhile, the tickets sold out, so I told my mom I couldn’t get any more. I was relieved and thought I had saved myself from a fight about not wanting to go with him.
She was really upset and called it “a horrible situation.” I told her I didn’t think she should be acting this way over me simply inviting my dad to a cycling event. Last night (14 days later), my dad called to tell me he was planning to offer my ticket to my brother since he thought it would make things easier.
He doesn’t know if my brother is in the country at that date or whether my brother is even interested in attending, but he would offer him the ticket anyway I told him I didn’t think that was right and that I wasn’t going to any sports event with my brother. If it’s such a big deal that I invited my dad to this event, then he could just stay home.
I’m really heart broken by this. I feel like I made a huge sacrifice by forgiving my brother, but it’s never good enough. They always demand more and now I can’t even invite my father to an even. AITA for not wanting my dad to give his ticket to my brother and for standing my ground on this?
The internet had a lot of thoughts.
Kaojin-Wo wrote:
NTA. I wouldn’t go with your brother either. If it’s so unfair in your mother’s opinion, why doesn’t she arrange to do something special with bro while you’re out with dad? Or dad can do something special alone with bro the next day? It doesn’t have to be so ridiculous. I know a mom like that. It’s exhausting.
Not just for you, but for your dad. I know you feel angry, but take a second to remember, he was excited about it and now he’s potentially having to give it up. Why? Badgering. Easier to do what she wants at whatever cost to himself, than to listen to her carry on for who knows how long. I’m betting g she could hold a grudge for years without batting an eye. Sorry dude. Hope it all works out!
OP responded:
Thank you. My brother and father do things together without me. They went on vacation together this summer. Which is fine by me, they seemed to be happy and to have a good trip. I know my mum is pulling the strings, but I feel like my father should grow a pair, so I blame him as well. He’s an accomplice to her crime so to speak. At least in my mind.
IrishSally wrote:
NTA.
They dont even know if your brother is visiting. It's not like he planned the trip, and your dad blanked on remembering the date. So your brother is the golden child, huh?
God forbid he randomly comes to his home country and can't be in a bike race like seriously?? That's your moms concern? Fairness? Fairness my foot. I would rescind the offer to bike with your dad . Withdraw from them substantially. It won't change much with your relationship, seeing as they live on standby for your brother anyway.
CannabisAttorney wrote:
I'm estranged from my brother and had to tell my parents that if they didn't stop "tricking" me into family time that involved him that the result would be seeing me a whole lot less. This cycling event seems like exactly the type of thing they would have tried before I put my foot down. NTA. I can't imagine spending 20 minutes in a car with my brother. Alone.
OP responded:
That’s where I’m heading as well. I mean, I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship with them but I don’t really see any alternative to putting my foot down.
silky_link07 wrote:
NTA. Do you have a friend who’d like to go with you instead? Because this is going to keep happening until you put up some boundaries with your parents. Your mom doesn’t even know if your brother wants to go or if he’s even coming to visit and she’s already dictating your time.
Did she kick up a fuss when dad and bro went on vacation without you? Or does the whole “family” nonsense only count when your brother is excluded?
OP responded:
She had no problem with them going on vacation together, no. Neither did I. I think I’m just gonna go by myself. My wife is with my in-laws that day.
TellThemISaidHi wrote:
NTA. If you've actually given a physical ticket to your dad, get it back. Use the story of selling the pair to a friend if necessary. This frees you up to spend time with family.
Then, keep the tickets. Go with a friend.
"Then my mom found out and totally freaked out because my brother, who lives abroad, might be in the country that day."
Question: When were the tickets bought? When did your brother announce this possible visit? Is it just a ruse to interfere with the cycling event?
OP responded:
I bought the tickets 2 weeks ago. The event is 4 days after Christmas. He usually only stays with my parents for 2-3 days after Christmas but for some reason he might stay longer this time around. I didn’t know when I bought the tickets. Still don’t to be honest, his schedule seems tentative.