'AITA for not moving back home for sister’s baby on the way?'
"AITA for not moving back home for sister’s baby on the way?"
I (26F) moved states for a travel Speech Language Pathologist job, to make great money and explore, normal 20s stuff. My sister (30F) got married recently and is expecting her 1st baby. She and my parents want me to move back home and help with the baby.
My sister says “IDGAF about her pregnancy”, “can’t be mad when my niece won’t know me” and I’m “weird for wanting to live that far away”. I haven’t even hit 2 yrs and I like it here, and I travel back home monthly anyway so I won’t be a stranger to my niece. She’d argue, yell, scream and stonewall me for days.
She and Huz took over my lease and ended up never leaving. I also didn’t want to have them uproot after making the house their home during engagement, wedding, baby on the way etc.
We all agreed it’d make more sense for the newlyweds to get our old childhood home anyway as opposed to me by myself. Our parents always reiterate that the house is still both of ours, the door is open to both their daughters.
ALL my furniture is there though (TVs, sofas, tables, beds, dressers etc). With travel work, you just bring yourself, necessities and clothes; the company provides furnished housing.
My sister has been picking fights with me weekly over little things (not answering/returning her call when I’m busy, every time she wants to talk/vent for hrs, not wanting to leave TX).
As a person learning to set boundaries, my family doesn’t accept it well when I finally enforce a boundary. She’s now saying I’ve been disrupting her peace her whole pregnancy and she’ll never forget it.
But she is picking all these fights! She ended that phone call with “by the way please come get all your trash out the junk room & put it in storage or something, it’ll be the baby room”. I said I’ll just get all my things and I do mean everything since I just got my own place in TX.
I flew in Monday night; began the move Tuesday morning. I furnished the whole house while I stayed there so all furniture/appliances/decor are mine, no question. She called from work demanding I wait until Saturday when she is off because “I don’t feel comfortable with you moving things around at the house while I’m not there.
You could take something that’s not yours and there aren’t any cameras”. I felt like I trusted them to live on top of my stuff, use my dishes/appliances, sleep on my beds, replace my things with theirs in dressers/closets, move my stuff wherever they wanted for 2 yrs.
I was offended and to not be able to get my things Tuesday-Saturday, knowing I leave Sunday is asinine. Her husband even told me she throws away my things all the time; they argued once because he told her that’s wrong.
I told her I know not to touch anywhere her things are and I know what belongs to me and what doesn’t, she started screaming at me “WHY CANT YOU EVER JUST SAY OK WHEN I TELL YOU SOMETHING?” Even my parents said she was being unreasonable.
She didn’t talk to me the rest of my spring break. I left our house and spent the week at my parents’. She posted about cutting family off that disturb your peace on social media.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Your sister is controlling. You are entitled to collect your things. It is not your job to move to help with her child. NTA.
NTA - having a baby is entirely her decision. You do not owe your sister (or the unborn child, for that matter) anything. Congratulations on your decision to move states away- that sounds like a really good decision for your wellbeing.
Side note: it's entirely possible to have a loving long-distance relationship with your niece/nephew. It's about the intention and effort you put into the relationship, so don't let her manipulate you to feel guilty for living YOUR life.
Western_Tomorrow_829 (OP)
I’m not joking when I say this move has felt like one of the best decisions I could’ve made for myself, and once I got past the guilt in my mind from hearing their voices of disapproval, I feel so free. Everyday here.
Please stop interacting with this person .She has a Pathologic jealousy of you OP.Even her husband can see how irrational she is being .Go No or Low Contact .But be aware when she needs help she may suddenly be nice to get her way .Be free and enjoy your youth .She is jealous that she is tied down and you are not.
Western_Tomorrow_829 (OP)
Correct. She’s always perfectly nice when things are good. She’ll wanna talk and laugh on the phone with me her entire work shift. But the second I disagree with something she “thinks” I should do when it comes to my life, all hell breaks loose.
She’s like a diff person and hates me. And successfully makes my parents believe I’m the difficult child. “Can’t nobody ever tell her anything”. No I just can’t STAND when someone tries to write my own narrative. My whole life was controlled and that caused a lot of resentment when I became older.
Your sister is too much. She wants you close. She wants your free childcare. She’s had an easier start thanks to your lease/child home, existing furnishings. All stuff she now views as hers. And if you moved back you’d have to start over. Job. And stuff wise. She’s also a control freak. And co-dependent. What exactly is she giving back to this sisterhood in return? Not a lot. Heck no. NTA.
Western_Tomorrow_829 (OP)
This. I’d go back to making half my salary. I’d be unhappy as I’m living somewhere for others and not where I wanna be. Our grandma even told my parents I wasn’t doing anything wrong and they’re being unfair to me and not letting me live my life. Making me live for my sister.