Aunt with event hall refuses to host 'ungrateful' niece's baby shower. AITA?
"AITA for not offering to host my niece's shower?"
I am the one in my family that hosts get togethers - holidays, graduation parties, showers, etc. I am an event planner and own a small event hall, so it just makes sense plus I genuinely enjoy it.
My side of the family is huge, lots of siblings and kids. I have always, ALWAYS offered up my event hall and planning for their use even though it comes at a cost for my business.
My niece (now 25f), we can call her Mary, has taken me up on that three times in the past - for her post-elopement party and two baby showers. For each of those she gave me no directions, just said "do whatever you want." So I did, trying to keep her in mind.
At her first baby shower she turned up 30 minutes late in raggedy sweats, stayed long enough to eat and gather up the presents, then left. No thank-yous offered. My brother and SIL (her parents) made excuses, saying the pregnancy was very rough. So we made allowances for that.
At her post-elopement dinner she again showed up late, stayed on her phone the whole time, ate and left. Again, no thank yous. When my mother commented on that, my brother said she was going through some newlywed stress as an excuse.
Her second baby shower started the same way. When she asked me to gather up all the presents so she could leave, I suggested she stay and open them so everyone could enjoy seeing what was given. She scoffed and said, "I don't want to stay at these little parties any longer than I have to." So I gathered up the presents and decided not to offer my little parties to her in the future.
Fast forward to her sister's wedding shower. We have a delightful time, even though Mary has done the usual eat-then-leave without offering to help or just be there for her sister. My brother and I are loading up the presents when he mentions that Mary is expecting again and when can I host the shower.
I told him I wouldn't be offering this time around and why. He was taken aback and said that he was surprised I was letting that comment get under my skin but whatever, my choice.
The next day I get an irate call from Mary. I remind her that she said she didn't care for my parties so why does she want it anyway? It turns out she got rid of all her baby supplies and needed a shower to get the presents. I told her to post her registry online and I'm sure people would help her out. She got angry and hung up.
Then my brother calls. He says I'm being childish. I told him that if he wants the shower he can pay for it, and gave him the standard quote for that event cost. He just sputtered and said they'd have someone else host. The family is divided on this one. I still feel like I am not being unreasonable. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. She shows ZERO appreciation for people (you) going to the trouble to arrange events, and basically uses you to gather people to give her stuff, with no effort or financial responsibility on her part.
Basically, she expects everything to be given to her, and her spoiled majesty is aghast you won't keep up her status quo. Your brother, and others, are just enabling her. No one seems to register that it costs you time and money for someone who doesn't appreciate it in the least.
NTA and who has a baby shower for every kid? She's 25, it's not like this was a 10 years down the line surprise, why isn't isn't keeping her baby stuff instead of using you to to crowd source for gifts?
She and her parents are so entitled. I'm sure others in your extended family have noticed she can't even pretend to be thankful before collecting and her gifts, stuffing her face and leaving each time.
NTA she’s ungrateful and quite honestly as a mother of four you cannot expect to have a full blown baby shower every kid. Maybe your brother should have a little gathering at his home.
NTA. Who even needs 3 baby showers? She should be thankful she had 1, plus the post elopement party.
NTA - your niece is using you to get free gifts. She shows no appreciation whatsoever to the effort you have put into any of these events that you have planned for her, not to mention the time and money that you have put into them. The fact that her father expects you to provide a free venue for the latest child is just ridiculous.
Back in my day (and boy am I showing my age here), we passed around the big ticket items once we were done with them until the next little one came along (with the exception of the crib mattress for safety reasons). I had purchased a small, portable bassinette that I'm pretty sure went through at LEAST 10 kids by the time we finally retired it. (friends, relatives, In-laws, and finally niece's kids).
Babies outgrew the clothes before they could be worn out, and when a new little one came along, we gifted the essentials - diapers/wipes, new onesies if the knees/toes had been worn through from crawling. Your niece is being a complete mooch, in addition to being entitled and rude AF.
You are NTA. You are sacrificing your businesses time and money on someone who doesn’t care about anything except gifts. You are doing the right thing charging. She sounds like an immature brat.
NTA. Offering your services is a big deal and all at your cost. Mary is selfish, rude and entitled. Stand your ground. You have been more than helpful in the past, and you are not required to do anything with your business that you don’t want to. If Mary requires a shower, she can put forth the money and effort to have one. Great job standing up for yourself against unappreciative brats.