'AITA for not opening the door to unannounced family visitors? I don't like surprises.'
'AITA for not opening the door to unannounced family visitors?'
Where I'm from, people visit each other without any previous communication. The "host" then has to stop everything they are doing and receive them, specially if they are from the family. I believe it's disrespectful to visit someone without justification and/or a previous agreement.
I know it's a culture of the country but for me, it's like the visitor is saying "I know you have nothing better to do so just drop it all and attend me", disregarding any work or chore I may be doing. I've made it clear to my family that I'm strict with this, and even if I'm just watching a movie, playing videogames or looking at my cat, if you didn't take the consideration of notifying me in advance.
It doesn't matter if you are a few blocks away, coming from a different country or from Mars, if you didn't text or call me in preparation to your arrival, you will be left outside, doors shut. A few days ago, my mother told me a cousin of mine came from a very far away country, and he was going to my house in two days.
I warned her that I wouldn't be able to receive them because I would be working (I work from home), plus, I didn't wish to dedicate any time to them, because my cousin didn't give me the dignity of knowing he was coming to the country beforehand, I didn't even know he had been around for like a week. I told my mother DO NOT come, I will not open the door, I'm really sorry but no.
Long story short, they came to my door anyway. I saw my mother, father and cousin in the security camera and heard them calling me. I let them sit there under the sun for half an hour until they gave up and left. It's incredibly important for me that my word is respected, if I said don't come, my wishes need to be respected or you'll be left outside.
I love my family and friends but they need to respect me, this I show up first and tell you later culture is way beneath me. AITA for enforcing this personal rule? Before this, some family members also came from abroad and surprised me with a call saying that they were on the beach and for me to go.
I'm not 9-years-old, plus, I didn't even know they were nearby, you can't just ask me to go to the beach a weekday in the afternoon, please dignify me by planning in advance, it's not that hard. Of course, I declined the invitation and politely let them know why I won't just drop everything and go to the beach with them. AITA?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Proud-Cat-Mom-2021 wrote:
Everybody who knows me, both friends and family alike, knows if they don't let me know they're coming beforehand, I WILL NOT answer the door, period, end of story. I also do not open my door to strangers for any reason.
These days, it's a matter of safety and security. And yes, it is incredibly rude and shows bad manners to just show up at someone's house unannounced. Where were these folks brought up? Behind a barn? Learn some basic manners and etiquette, why don't you?
OP responded:
Exactly, if someone drops by without notice, well, quoting Shrek: "somebody better be dying!" Texting is so easy
Possible-Life-1769 wrote:
NTA. I like this strategy a lot. This culture makes me insane. My husband is from a city with this culture. Once I was visiting them, and we just came back from a village with some family, and we had planned to go picnicking that day, already making plans with friends and their kids. There was no set time, but I saw my MIL rushing around and collecting stuff SO fast (normally everything is super chill).
I was like, why are you rushing, I could really use a shower and half an hour doing nothing before we drive. And she was like nooooo, hurry up, if we don't go fast, then some guests will arrive and there is NO WAY to say no to them. And I was like, can't you just say that we are on our way to our planned picnic?
And she was like, no, that would be rude as hell and unforgivable. So we rushed out and luckily left before any potential guest would have come to see the foreigner. I always think about this situation when thinking about how crazy this hospitality culture is.
Hungry-Relief570 wrote:
NTA. WFH should be respected just as if you were at the office. You can’t show up during someone’s workday and expect them to drop everything. Simply being home does NOT inherently mean you are available. They asked, you said no, and they chose to come anyway rather than trying to find a time and place that would work for all of you.
Ok_Expression2273 wrote:
NTA. You told them you were not available days before they rudely disregarded your statement. You advised them ahead of time that you would not be opening the door if they disregarded your statement. They quite rudely appeared on your doorstep anyway.
You did nothing wrong. I don’t care if someone I don’t know is in town. If I haven’t invited you to my house, you are not being let in my house. And working from home is working. They are not entitled to your work time.
Hot_Firefighter_4034 wrote:
NTA. For everyone posting YTA, yes OP got advance notice, but OP explicitly told her mom not to come because they would be working. Just because you work from home, doesn't mean that you are free to accept visitors. Everyone is ignoring that part.
The fact that her parents decided to ignore OP declining the visit is not OP's issue or make them TA, her parents are TA in this case for still showing up. Could OP have suggested to her mother another time, sure, but OP also has a right to not want to visit with this family member at all.
OP you are NTA and you made your stance pretty clear. Family members especially, like to not take people's work from home seriously, and you have to set those boundaries for them to take you seriously.