'AITA for not paying for my sister’s college when I’m paying for my fiancées?' 'I don't want to be a selfish jerk.'
"AITA for not paying for my sister’s college when I’m paying for my fiancées?"
So, I (29M) grew up dirt poor. Like, sharing meals, lights off half the month poor. My parents did their best, but there were five of us, and money was always tight. I hustled like crazy after high school—community college, then transferred to a good university while working full time. I graduated with loans but a solid job in tech. Fast forward a decade, and I’ve got a good income and no debt.
My fiancée (26F) is finishing her degree. She’s been working too, but with her schedule and the costs of school, I offered to pay her last two semesters so she could focus and graduate without loans. I want us to start our marriage on solid ground, so I don’t mind helping her out.
Enter my younger sister (21F). She’s still in college and recently found out I’m paying for my fiancée’s tuition. She flipped, saying if I can afford that, I should help her too. She’s always been bitter about me “getting out” and doing well while she and the rest of my family are still struggling. I get it, but here’s the thing...
I’ve worked hard to be where I am, and I feel like my fiancée and I are building a future together. My sister and I aren’t close, and I feel like she’s asking out of entitlement, not need.
My parents have now chimed in, saying it’s “family first” and I’m abandoning them. I don’t think I owe anyone anything, especially since I’ve already helped out when I could (paid off their electric bill last winter, etc.).
I’m torn. I don’t want to be a selfish jerk, but I also don’t want to set a precedent of being the family ATM. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Icy-Performer571 said
Tell them "yes, family first. That is why I am prioritizing the family fiancé and I are building and the family we will be creating."
Routine-Friend-7585 said:
Nta. You are building a future with her. Do not invest in your sister.
Valuable-Cancel5521 said:
NTA. You don't have to take care of your adult sister. You're not her husband nor her father. She is an adult and can handle her own things. She is just wanting to use you. I'd go low contact with the entire family if I were you.
ShaderQuill said:
You’re NTA. Prioritizing your future with your fiancée is completely valid. Family can be demanding, but it’s important to set boundaries. I’ve seen people regret becoming the family ATM, so stay firm in your decision and focus on building a solid future with your partner.
NightVowy said:
NTA. Prioritizing your future with your fiancée makes sense. Family can be tough, but setting financial boundaries is crucial. Your sister's situation isn't your responsibility, and you've already helped when you could. Focus on building a strong foundation for your new family.
Suspicious_Juice717 said:
NTA. You’re fiancé is family. You’ve made a promise to her. Your sister can hustle just like you did.