'AITA for not re-marrying my ex wife?'
"AITA for not re-marrying my ex wife?"
Me and my wife got divorced 4 years ago. We have a daughter who is 15. When my wife told me that she wanted a divorce I was shocked and upset. I tried to convince her to stay married, but she wouldn't listen to me and we got a clean divorce.
After our divorce she became mentally unstable. I helped her a lot because she was living with my daughter and I loved her. All this time I helped her and took care of her whenever she needed. I also took her out for food and just to calm her down because if she's not well then she wouldn't be able to take care of my daughter and my daughter loves her mom so I will respect her wishes
Today my ex wife asked me to get married once again. She said that she wasn't right mentally back then, and after all I did for her she realised that I love her and how much she loved me and wants me back. She said she wanted me back years ago, but she didn't have the courage to ask me but now she can no longer control herself and wants me and is craving my touch and my love.
I told her that I also love her, but you left me all alone. I tried so much, but you didn't listen to me. I am afraid that you would leave me again and I would be heartbroken once again, I'm not her toy that she can just play with and discard
My ex cried and said that she would never leave me ever again and we both love each other so we should become a family once again and our daughter would be very happy and we all 3 can live together happily.
I refused and said that I cannot trust her. I told her that I love her but you hurt me and I'm afraid that you will leave me but she kept crying and crying when I said that and she's not talking to me but I want her to atleast get along with me because of our daughter.
AITA for the way I approached this? Could I have done something else or said something else which would have helped her and not get even more depressed?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Keep it like that. Your reasons are very valid. And it is actually very good to see someone looking out for themselves. Keep it up.
NTA. Your reasons make perfect sense, and it's refreshing to see someone standing up for themselves. Keep doing what’s best for you!
Nope, don’t do it. Sick or not, she abandoned you for probably another guy or guys for a while. This person has a lot of nerve. She doesn’t deserve you. But the other guys didn’t love me.
Focus on finding someone who truly loves you, take charge of your daughter, and leave her behind. No other woman is going to want you if you’re still taking care of your ex. She did this all on her own.
I bet you hit the nail on the head. She probably found someone else, bailed on her family, and when that fell through she's a mess and ex-husband basically nurses her back to health, and she wants him back now.
Good for him to hard pass like that. She should go find the guy she bailed on her family for.
NTA. You’re not wrong for refusing to remarry your ex-wife. It’s understandable to be hesitant after experiencing the pain of your divorce and fearing you might be hurt again. Your concern for your emotional well-being is valid, especially since you’ve been supportive of her during her struggles.
While it’s great that she wants to reconnect, prioritizing trust and healing is essential for both of you. Having an open conversation about your feelings could help her understand your perspective better and emphasize the need for stability before rekindling a romantic relationship. You’re doing well by focusing on what’s best for you and your daughter.
"she wasn't right mentally back then and after all I did for her she realised that I love her." No she realized the grass isn't greener on the other road and now just settling for you so to speak because off all you do for her.
NTA Stop helping her, walk away and concentrate on you & daughter, SHE is an Adult and now has to live with her decisions.
Edits from OP after reading the comments:
Thanks for all the advice and those who are asking me why I didn't file for full custody of my daughter. I didn't because my daughter said she wanted to live with her mom and I respected her choice because she's my daughter and she spent most of her life with her mom and I was working.
Did my wife cheat on me when I was away? I do not know. Did she go on a "sausage trip" after divorce? Again I do not know
Getting married to her again is not off the table for me, but I want a sincere loving wife and I don't trust her enough yet. If in future she proves herself to be a loving wife and dedicates herself to me I will marry her, but until that happens I will hold off with getting back with her no matter how much I love her. I want a woman who has my back not one who stabs me in the back
My wife was depressed even before divorce, but it was nothing serious. I tried to help her but she didn't listen to me and I couldn't force her. If my wife is mentally, no matter how severe it is, I will help her because I love her which is why I kept helping her even after divorce . I'm just being cautious right now because the next time I won't be able to survive another heartbreak.