'AITA for not splitting my mom’s inheritance with my siblings?' MAJOR UPDATE

"AITA for not splitting my mom’s inheritance with my siblings?"

I (28F) have 6 siblings. Our mom recently passed in November from Stage 4 cancer. I had a really great relationship with my mom.

We would spend time together and my 4 children (5 year old twins, a 3 year old, and a 1 year old) all loved her. I am the youngest of all my siblings. My older siblings didn’t prioritize much time with my mom until the last few months when she couldn’t do much for herself anymore.

I currently live with my boyfriend (38M) and our 4 children in a 3 bedroom apartment. It’s a nice apartment but of course is not ideal for our large family. Over the summer while my mom was still very coherent, she signed a transfer on de-th of her house (5 bedroom, 3 bath) to me for myself, my boyfriend, and our children to move into.

She did the transfer so I wouldn’t have to buy the house as we would not be able to afford a loan for her house. And her house only had less than a year left until it was completely paid off so we would be able to afford her payments that way. All of my other siblings own their own homes and have plenty of room in their homes for their individual families.

I didn’t ask my other siblings if they were okay with this but I didn’t see it as their decision or whether they had a say considering it’s our mom’s house and she had final say anyway. And like I said, all of my siblings own their own homes anyway. Once my mom passed, she had some medical bills that needed taking care of so it seemed as though we would need to sell the house to take care of them.

After looking into it more, my boyfriend said he would buy the house at just enough to cover the medical bills rather than what it’s worth considering we cannot afford what it’s worth plus my mom had planned on us just moving in and not doing any sort of loan anyway.

She had a cash inheritance which she left my oldest sister, Melanie(43F) to split equally among all of my siblings. Since my mom has passed, we have asked Melanie how much is left in the inheritance as it would be split 7 ways and she would always kind of dodge the question. She would say she hasn’t counted it yet or she’s unsure.

My mom also had some coins that were worth some money. She had 4 coins worth about $3,200 and a 5th coin worth about $1,200. I only found out about these coins from my other sister, Rochelle(35F) because she told me Melanie thought about giving the a coin worth $3,200 to herself, Rochelle, my brother Nick(37M), and myself. The coin worth less to another hand picked sibling.

And then just never telling the last 2 siblings about the coins at all. That really upset me. I understand the coins gain value over time and that’s why they didn’t want to pawn them for cash to split equally but that is really unfair and considering there are not 7 coins, I believed the fairest situation would be to pawn them for cash so everyone could be involved.

I suggested that and then never heard anything else about the coins after that. And then one day last week when I had Rochelle and my niece over for dinner, she dropped a gold coin out of her purse and quickly put it back. I never said anything but I couldn’t believe they decided to kick me out of that inheritance because I stuck up for the 3 siblings that were going to be slighted.

Well, flash to a couple days ago my boyfriend got approved for the loan. I told Melanie about this to keep her in the loop and her response shocked me. She told me she did not feel comfortable selling the house to my boyfriend.

I didn’t understand because selling the house to my boyfriend was just a way for us to keep the house so that my moms medical bills would get paid. And my moms wishes were for my family to move into the house. After I got off the phone with Melanie, I called Rochelle to see how she felt but she couldn’t talk right away.

Once I was able to talk to Rochelle, it was very clear Melanie had gotten to her first and manipulated the situation. So I texted the group chat with my siblings. Essentially, they all want to sell the house at full value to a stranger so they can receive an inheritance of cash from the house selling.

Melanie had very obviously made them believe that my mom only transferred the house into my name so I could take care of selling it and splitting the money with all of my siblings. That wasn’t the truth and I tried telling them that our mom did not do that but Melanie had manipulated the situation.

For context, Melanie is the oldest and all of our siblings can be pretty easily manipulated in a situation when it comes to Melanie. It sounds terrible but it’s true. I can see right through it and tried to say my side but they are all on Melanie’s side. They all want cash from the house but I want to live in it like my mom had intended.

Like I said, my mom transferred the house into my name. So I am going through with selling the house to my boyfriend to pay my mom’s medical bills and so us and our 4 children can live there. My siblings feel like I have scammed them out of an inheritance. But I feel like I found a way to get the medical bills paid so that my family can live there which is what my mom intended when she was here. So AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Nameless_consult wrote:

YTA...you are not married to this man. Your mother wanted you to have the house. If you break up, he can literally kick you out. This is insane before marriage. You family is being greedy over the other stuff but they are not wrong about the house.

mneleway wrote:

What happens when/if you and your boyfriend breakup? Then the house is his and you and your kids will be SOL.

You’re NTA but you haven’t thought this through at all.

revenya_1 wrote:

Why are u paying her medical bills - usually the estate pays and then what is left is split. Since the house was already in your name it is unlikely to be part of the estate to settle bills. Have you actually talked a lawyer? Usually you can get a free 30 minute consult or legal aid….

Snowybird60 wrote:

Why are you selling the house to your boyfriend? If you want to be able to keep the house , he could just pay your mother's bills/debts instead of buying the house. Then the house would stay in your name.

ETA: NTA Your siblings got their inheritance. Don't split anything with them.

The next day, OP shared an update.

So first I want to say I am so appreciate of all the comments that seemingly are truly looking out for my best interest. My oldest sister, Melanie, had made me believe that the debt needed to be paid from the house not the cash estate (she would never disclose to us that there was enough to pay off my mom’s medical bills).

I contacted an estate attorney and ended up speaking with the attorney who was directly handling my mom’s medical debts. He told me that there was no need to sell the house right now. That my family could move into it with no worry of paying the medical debt until the future if I ever decided to sell it.

So that’s what we are going to do. If we ever decide to sell it (which I don’t see right now why we would as finding a 5 bedroom house is really hard to come by), we will split the sale of the house after her medical debts are paid and of course subtract any money we put into it going forward from their portion.

I do agree that keeping the deed of the house in my name is the wise decision so that I will always have that security with my children if something were to ever happen between myself and my partner.

I really appreciate all of the comments making that aware to me and all of the comments wanting to make sure I seeked out a lawyer. As far as the coins go, I didn’t mention them because I was upset I wasn’t getting a portion. I understand getting the house is a big deal. I mentioned what was happening with the coins to give an example as to why I don’t feel I can trust Melanie.

And why I feel like she is not being honest about the money and the estate. Which she wasn’t. There is more money than just the coins that she is not being honest about. The deceptiveness is what hurts me. I feel like I am very open and honest with my family and would never try to deceive them. I would rather all conversations especially with my family hold integrity.

Once I had felt settled and secure with talking to the lawyer, I texted my sibling group chat to let them know what was going on. That the house will stay in my name. Melanie has been manipulating the situation and once she thought I was selling it to my boyfriend, I knew she would tell all my other siblings that the problem is not that I was keeping the house but that it would no longer be in my name.

I can tell she is very angry that she can longer spin the story for her narrative. But this is what my mom had intended in the first place. For myself and my children to have somewhere to live and she always knew my boyfriend was in our package deal.

Melanie still seems mad but I don’t see the problem anymore. I’ll keep this post updated if anything else happens to come up. Again, thank you to everyone for the advice. It really helped me out so much and put me in a much more secure position.

The internet was invested in the update.

Pippet_4 wrote:

Who is the executor/administrator/representative of the estate? And if the house was left to you alone, why would you need to share the proceeds from any future sale? Did your mom have a will? How do you know how much cash money/how did your sibling get access to it? Same question about the coins…

Who exactly is the attorney “handling the medical debts”? Who does he represent? The hospital/insurance company? The estate itself? Then why would he not know the amount of cash/other assets like the coins? Why would you be required to pay medical debts from the future sale of the house? Why would this not come from the cash assets of the estate now? How all of this is happening sounds really sketchy.

OP responded:

The power of attorney is my oldest sister, Melanie. She has not been honest with a lot. I have been told by the attorney I spoke with that I do not owe any money of a possible future sale of the house to my siblings. However, it seemed like the right thing to do. I have no idea how much cash money there is.

Only Melanie knows and she won’t give a direct answer of that number. So I’m expecting nothing from that considering how upset she is with me. Which is fine because we have the house which was really important for us.

CantBeWrong1313 wrote:

I wouldn’t tell your siblings you’ll split the proceeds of the house when you sell it. You’re not required to do that. What if you need the proceeds for something urgent, like a medical procedure for one of your kids? Make no promises, or they might argue your promise is a binding contract. And wouldn’t it be great to someday be able to leave that house as an inheritance for your children?

OP responded:

You’re right. It always seemed like the right thing to do. But with the way they have been treating me and ostracizing me, I don’t think I will make definite promises.

Sadielady11 wrote:

We can all give a sigh of big relief that you did not allow your family to steal your inheritance! Your mom wanted you and yours in that house and there you should remain! Sorry family sucks at times.

Anndee123 wrote:

OP, you seem very naive. If I understood this and the last post correctly, your mother deeded the house over to you before she died. That means the house is not part of the estate now that she's passed. The house is yours. It shouldn't be part of the assets calculated for your mother's creditors (like the medical bills) to make claims on. You shouldn't ever have to sell it to pay off your mother's debts.

Wills and Trusts are public documents. You have a right to view your mother's. If your sister is the executor of your mother's Will/Trust, she has responsibilities to the beneficiaries of the will that she needs to follow or she can get in a lot of trouble. Please do your research.