'AITA for not stopping my husband from getting the paternity test after he accused me of cheating?'

"AITA for not stopping my husband from getting the paternity test?"

My husband recently asked me for a paternity test. Why? Because our son looks nothing like him. I never cheated on him. I would never. He knows he was my first and only partner. I told him he can have the test. Who am I to stop him from it? He took the test and found out our son is actually his and he seemed very happy.

I told him congrats. Now you are sure it's your own son you are paying child support for. He asked what does that mean and I told him if he thinks I cheat on him then we truly shouldn't be married. I took my son and left and we are currently staying in a hotel and I'm going to get divorced.

He keeps calling and texting and begging me to come back but I don't want to. He said if I had such a problem with the test then I should have stopped him instead of allowing it and then "acting like a bratty child and ruining our lives."

I'm not sure how I'm the one ruining our lives. He is the one who thinks I'm a cheater, he should be happy he doesn't have to live with a cheater anymore.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Sierralily wrote:

NTA. He basically called you a liar and then expected you to just brush it off? That’s some next level entitlement. And the ‘bratty child’ comment? That’s him trying to flip the script and make u the bad guy. He’s the one who created this mess.

You ain’t ruining anything, you're protecting urself and your kid. He doesn’t trust you, and that’s a deal breaker. He can beg all he wants, but he showed you his true colors. Don’t go back.

Sad-Country-9873 wrote:

NTA - if you would have stopped him, then his mind would have been made up, the baby isn't his. I don't blame you at all.

Apart_Insect8869 wrote:

Either he thought you were cheating, in which case there is zero trust and/ or he's got paranoia and jealousy issues that make him a poor candidate for husband, or he's got intrusive thoughts and anxiety he's failed to control, which would also make him an undesirable partner.

Or he's been dipping his toe in the bad part of the internet, which again, renders him not-husband material. Tell him this has fundamentally altered how you see him and his stupidity and lack of respect have just turned you all the way off.

MightyShenDen wrote:

You did the right thing. Babies look...weird. Almost all the time, when they first "come out" they barely look like a human let alone their parents, and they change SO much so quickly. You are absolutely right that you should not marry someone you don't trust, and if his first instinct in seeing his child is to get a paternity test, he obviously does not trust you at all.

You were also in the right for not stopping him from getting that test, because how could you? He has every right to get the test if he wants to. And you trying to get him not to take a test would only make you look more guilty in his eyes anyways. The LEAST guilty thing you could have done, you did and was just telling him to go ahead and get a test then.

introspectiveliar wrote:

NTA. Of all the amazing things we do with DNA, this whole fad or whatever of men deciding they need DNA tests on their own kids for absolutely no reason sucks. Other than the fact that I might have left when he first suggested it, because I’d mistakenly thought I’d married a man, not an insecure child, I think you handled it very well.

Raephstel wrote:

YTA. Sometimes people have dumb thoughts. Sometimes those thoughts nag and you end up ruminating over them. It doesn't matter how illogical they are, they can eat at you. If there's a test you can do that would lay them to rest, then you should do it.

The fact that you immediately and without warning left speaks to your willingness to break up your family instead of work on issues more than that he suspected you cheated. Imagine if you thought he'd cheated, so you asked to see his phone, would you expect to immediately have your child taken away from you and served divorce papers?

I don't know how you don't see that it's you ruining everyone's lives. Your ego is out of control if you think that it's justified to make your son grow up in a split family because your husband wanted a DNA test and you're totally unwilling to even consider working on why that might be.

Edit: I'm gonna stop replying to replies of this comment. It's actually depressing to me how many people think that this is Disney and are totally unprepared to work at relationship issues with their partner, especially when a child is involved.

Catinnameonly wrote:

“Taking that test was confirmation that you didn’t trust me. That you think I’m the kind of person who would not only cheat on you but lie to you every day about rising a child that wasn’t yours."

"And to top things off you want to call me names like a bratty child and I’m ruining our lives. No sir, my love for died when you were adamant about taking a test to prove the paternity of our child together. YOU are the one that ruined our lives."

"I guess you FOFO didn’t you. To bad. I had our whole lives planned out, growing old, taking care of each other. That all died when you accused me of cheating. So good luck out there. I will have my lawyer contact you with the paperwork when I’m ready.” NTA.

Rohans_Most_Wanted wrote:

ESH. I feel like this could have been avoided with a frank conversation that neither of you were bright enough (or willing) to have. You both had a plan in mind that you did not share with the other, you perhaps in the hopes of this outcome. Throwing a relationship away should not be so trivial, but here you are.