'AITA for not telling my wife my cousin is insanely wealthy?'
"AITA for not telling my wife my cousin is insanely wealthy?"
I am 31M, my wife is 34F, my cousin is 33F, her husband is 35M. My cousin and her husband own a fairly large farm and that is my cousin's pride and joy. Not one single person was surprised when she bought it.
Her husband is a pipe welder and makes good money as well. My cousin and her husband are well known in the community and very well respected they do a lot for the community.
With all that said when she was in her early 20s she won a ton of money. I'm talking FU kind of money. At the moment she has made it so all of the kids ( including any children I may have) in the family will be able to go to college and she paid for her siblings educations.
She has used it for the community but what she's done with it didn't even make a dent in it. My cousin is insanely wealthy. Her place is paid off and her husband's income along with the farm income pays for pretty much everything so the money she won isn't really touched much other than for her charity work and if they need some sort of specialized equipment.
They do have a very nice home but if you saw them just out and about you wouldn't know it at all. they look very normal. She drives a bronco her husband gifted her when she had her most recent baby or the farm truck that looks like it's been to hell a few times.
My wife and I have been together for 3 years and married for a year and a half. My wife is a nurse practitioner and she is in a specialty field so she makes very good money and I work in aviation. I make about the same as she does.
We are well off compared to most people in our area but we aren't even close to what my cousin is. She would have been making well over what we make just in her farm and her husband's job and the other just makes it insane.
My wife is very prideful. She likes to make sure everyone knows she made it. She has a very nice car and likes to bring up how much she makes in nearly every conversation.
She always wants the best of the best and I try to give her that. 99% of my family cannot stand my wife but they are too nice to say anything and I love her so they just deal with it.
Recently another one of my cousins got married and she got married at my rich cousins house. They have a huge barn and a nice pond so they basically cleaned out the barn for the wedding. It was beautiful.
That was the first and only time my wife has been to my cousin's house. She always thought my cousin just had a little hobby farm and for some reason she thought they were poor. I didn't know she thought they were poor. Most of our vegetables, meat, and eggs come from my cousin but I normally get it from her myself.
Anyway now my wife is pissed that " I embarrassed her" and I should have told her that my cousin was rich. I didn't really think about something like that I just assumed she knew because she's from here.
It's not like it was a secret my cousin paid for all of the upgrades to the school and matched the donations for the community to build a park. There is a huge banner on the park fence for her husbands business and her farm along with all of the other businesses that donated to it.
We pass by that park all the time. It has become an argument because I pretty much told my wife she embarrassed herself and should stop treating everyone like they are poor.
There are several people in our community that make as much or more than we do. She just doesn't see that and they don't flaunt it like she does. So am I the a hole for not telling her? AITA for telling her she embarrassed herself?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Your cousin's financial situation is not your or your wife's business. If your wife needs to know how much money someone has before she treats them decently, you are married to an AH.
Sounds like your wife needs a reality check. It's not your responsibility to disclose other people's financial situations, and it shouldn't matter anyway. Money doesn't define a person or their character. Focus on your relationship and leave the comparisons behind.
Your wife sounds incredibly narcissistic. And insufferable. You are NTA, but she is.
NTA. You didn’t hide your cousin’s wealth—it’s public knowledge. Your wife’s pride and insecurity are the real issue here. You weren’t wrong for not telling her, and her reaction seems more about her own issues with flaunting wealth.
NTA. Your wife is pissed because she thought the two of you were better off financially than your cousin and is now embarrassed because she found out she isn’t. Good on you for telling her to cut the crap.
NTA. Your cousin's wealth, or lack thereof, has no impact on your wife at all. It's none of her business. I have multiple family members who are farmers. They are all either wealthy or poor. There doesn't seem to be a lot of room for middle class farmers.
But my few wealthy farmer family members have the vast majority of their wealth tried up in land, livestock, seed, and equipment. I don't know any farmers, even hobby ones, that look rich. Heck, even the local guy who owns the expensive horse farm ($$$) is just a regular looking guy. It's not like you wear a suit or ball gown while cleaning hooves or bailing hay.