'AITA for not wanting my in-laws at our baby’s birth?'
"AITA for not wanting my in-laws at our baby’s birth?"
4ngryTr011
Before you think I’m being unreasonable, let me give you some background: Four years ago, my husband and I reconnected after knowing each other for seven years as casual friends. At the time, my in-laws were quite wealthy. They bought the most expensive clothes, shopped at high-end stores, and spent money recklessly on unnecessary things.
I don’t think they realized it, but they often looked down on middle-class people like us. My father-in-law, in particular, would have angry outbursts and was extremely greedy. They tried to make up for their behavior by buying gifts for everyone.
The issue was, they had no backup plan. Their cars were in the company’s name where my father-in-law worked. They had no savings, investments, pension fund, life insurance, or even a house in their name. To make matters worse, they put their phone, clothing, and internet accounts in my husband's name and just paid him back each month.
Fast forward to three and a half years ago: the shell company managing my father-in-law’s business liquidated. He ended up deep in debt and used the last of his money to take a huge multi-million dollar company to court. Although he won the case, he got no financial compensation for it.
Over the past three years, they’ve lost everything. They no longer have their car, can’t afford rent, and had to move in with family. Meanwhile, we were stuck paying bills that were under my husband’s name. They even convinced me to take out a loan in my name, promising to sort out the debt they had racked up under my husband’s name but never paid.
It’s one thing to give money to help someone out of the goodness of your heart. It’s another thing entirely when you’re forced to pay their bills because everything is under your husband’s name. And to add to this, we are newlyweds and only just started our first jobs three years ago.
Now, let’s talk about my sister-in-law. She’s a total spoiled brat. I m currently 38 weeks pregnant, and My sister-in-law hasn’t checked in on me once! I have a love-hate relationship with her after she made my wedding all about herself — both at the kitchen tea and on the wedding day itself.
But if she were pregnant, I would have at least checked in on her. I’m literally about to give birth in a week, and now she has the nerve to ask me for a favor, without even asking how I’m doing.
but luckily my husband is the complete opposite of his family. He’s the most humble person with the highest integrity I’ve ever met. He’s logical and grounded — completely unlike my mother-in-law, who has done absolutely nothing to try to find a job in the last three and a half years. Instead, she just sits back and expects everyone else to keep supporting her financially.
She’s had so many job opportunities, but always comes up with excuses not to take them. My father-in-law is too proud to accept a lower-paying job, and my mother-in-law blames her inability to work on her anxiety.
But I have anxiety too, and I still manage to work! On top of that, she has no hobbies — she just watches TV all day and has made her kids her whole world. She thinks they’re perfect and can’t see that they’re human, with flaws like everyone else.
A few days ago, my mother-in-law asked me about the arrangements for the birth, acting like my husband hadn’t told her anything. Since I was already frustrated with him, I decided to type out my messages instead of sending voice notes.
I’m a straightforward person, especially when it comes to arrangements, and they’ve known this about me since the beginning. I don’t sugarcoat things, but I always mean what I say with a smile, and that’s one of the reasons my husband fell in love with me — because of my logical approach.
All of a sudden, my mother-in-law sent me a message saying I was making her anxious and claiming that I’m always mean to her on WhatsApp. She said I’m too straightforward and logical, making it all about her. It was so childish.
When my husband saw the messages, he took my side. There was nothing that could have been “sugarcoated” — it was just basic information about the birth arrangements, which he had already discussed with her! Frustrated, I sent her a blunt message telling her to talk to her son if she can’t accept the way I communicate.
Today, we went to my last doctor’s appointment, where he checked to see if I could give birth naturally. On the grandparents' group chat, my in-laws had so many comments about how and when the baby should be born.
They were being total hypocrites, telling me I’m being overly dramatic and that my baby is more important than my discomfort. As if I don’t know that! It turns out, I have so much inflammation in my pubic area, pelvic bone, back, and ribs that I can’t deliver naturally.
After all this, I don’t think they deserve to see the baby right after the birth. I feel like now is the time to set my boundaries. I don't know how I'm going to be able to be nice to them, they make my blood boil!! Am I the A-hole?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
ComprehensiveBee6334
NTA your body, your baby and boundaries are important. Hopefully your husband will back you up.
idril1
not going to read that wall of text but I don't need to. The recent trend to turn birth into a spectator sport is insane, the only people who can ask to be at a birth are those at the conception, and one doesn't get much of choice. Ask your in laws for footage of both their genitals undergoing a painful medical examination, quid pro quo. NTA.
OddLilDuckie
NTA. Provide the hospital with a list of names that are approved to visit (if any). If it's only those 3 you want blocked from access to you and your child, provide their names. If you want just you and your husband while in hospital, tell them that.
I worked L&D, one of my favorite things to do for new moms was play "Bouncer". New moms and newly born babies need peace and happiness in their first few days as a family. I enjoyed making sure my patients got that.
farsighted451
A c-section is a major surgery. Treat it like any other surgery. You call the shots, and you only have people you trust around you. Once you've recovered from surgery and can walk without pain, then it's a negotiation with your husband. But you don't owe shit to your in-laws.
sassy_twilight90
If you’re not comfortable with it, you have the right to decide not to have them there right after the birth. Just be sure you and your husband are on the same page.