'Husband demand travel on Christmas Day, leaving her family for his; 'what's the big deal?' AITA
"AITA for not wanting to travel on Christmas Day?"
Known-Kaleidoscope23
My husband (31M) and I (28F) started spending Christmas together 2 years ago after getting engaged. His family is a 3 hr drive from where we live, and mine is a 2 hr plane ride.
Needless to say we see his parents/family on a monthly basis, sometimes even more throughout the year. I have 4 siblings and we all live in different areas throughout the country, so I only get to see them each a few times a year, and the 5 of us only all get together once a year at Christmas.
In years past, my husband and I have spent thanksgiving with his family (3 hour drive from our house) and we go up to my mom’s house for Christmas for about a week.
The past 2 years we were the first of my siblings to get to my moms, because my husband is adamant about wanting to travel back to his parents house on Christmas Day (2 hour plane ride).
I was ok with compromising on this the past two years but honestly both years I felt awful and guilty for leaving my mom and siblings on Christmas. My husband and I only go up to her house together once a year and leaving on Christmas Day not only ruins Christmas for us (because we have to travel for hours), but it also cuts the trip with my family short.
My husband thinks this is “fair” because we spend the days leading up to Christmas with my family at my moms, but the reality is that the rest of my siblings and their families don’t arrive until between Dec 20-23 so we basically go up “early” for nothing because everyone is still working and not there yet.
I told my husband that this year I would like to go up closer to Christmas (Dec 20th) and stay at my moms through Christmas Day and leave on either the 26th or 27th. He said he doesn’t think that makes sense and he wants to see his parents on Christmas, too.
We also decided that we will drive this year so we can have a car and take our dog with us. My mom has verbalized to me that she doesn’t think it’s fair that we leave on Christmas because we get to see his family so often during the year and this is the one time she gets all her kids together.
My husband and I are spending the weekend prior to thanksgiving with his parents (we are taking a trip just the two of us for actual thanksgiving this year), the weekend of December 13th with his parents and will see them for at least 3 days between Christmas and new years.
This year he just assumes that we will be sticking to the same schedule and already told his parents that. Now that it's November, I told my husband that I have been thinking about our travel plans for the holidays and told him I’d like to leave after Christmas Day especially since we’re driving this year (it would be a 10 hour drive on Christmas).
He said he doesn’t think that makes sense and doesn’t see why leaving Christmas Day versus the day after makes any difference since we would just be hanging around my mom’s house.
He is being so stubborn about wanting to leave on Christmas Day and doesn’t seem to be willing to compromise. We don't have any kids yet, but I know that once we do we realistically won't be able to travel to my moms as easily/see all my siblings for Christmas, so this is likely one of the last few years I have to spend Christmas at my moms before we start our own family/traditions.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Biffowolf
This is a familiar family issue and there is no easy way around it as someone will be disappointed. Either take it in turns and rotate each year or stop at home together. I wouldn’t want to travel 10hrs where is the fun in that? To be honest, for some reason we are beholden visiting our parents every year - the road goes both ways but they never seem to grasp that.
Next-Weather-6397
NTA obviously it's stupid to travel on Christmas Day and your husband sounds pretty unreasonable here, so good luck. But you just need to tell him you're not doing it and you both need to negotiate a better compromise. And if that involves him leaving and you staying, so be it. You just need to alternate.
middle_class_meh
Was in a similar situation when I got married. After oldest was born is said we'll do this one more time but that's it, no more traveling for Christmas. Wife was very mad but she actually acknowledged it was better the following Christmas.
teresajs
The easiest way my husband and I found to deal with this was to stay home on Christmas Day and to spend time with family on weekends before and/or after Christmas.