'AITA for only paying for myself during a Christmas meal with friends? They were helping cover one mom.'

"AITAH for only paying my own meal?"

I have a group of girlfriends from my school days (there are 5 of us including myself). We try to meet up once a month for a meal and some wine or a few cocktails, due to careers, kids or other commitments we dont see alot of each other like we used to and our meet ups are a treat, along with the rare child free time to enjoy ourselves.

Anyway, we met up last weekend to swap xmas presents as everyone had plans closer to the holidays. One of my friends (Sarah) mentioned she had invited her sister (Kelly), which was fine. So we are all waiting for them to arrive and in they come along with Kelly's 4 kids. Kelly ordered starters, mains and desserts for herself and 3 of the kids as the youngest isnt on solids yet.

The waiter brings the bill and Kelly says to just divide by 6. I said no as there were 6 adults and 3 kids who ate. Kelly then got upset and started with the single mum card. "It's hard at this time of year being a single mum, I cant afford this amount. It's okay for you, you don't have 4 kids to buy christmas for." This is where I may be the AH. I told her not to use the single mum card as noone made her have 4 kids.

I then said if she couldn't afford it then why come? And why let the kids order so much, they could have eaten more within their means, that its an expensive time of year for everyone. Sarah ended up paying Kelly's bill and we all left in an awkward atmosphere. Sarah rang a few days ago and said Kelly felt like I was mum shaming her.

She said it wouldnt have hurt to just let it go and split the bill that one time, that what I did embaressed her sister. I said I wasnt mum shaming her, I simply have enough to pay for with my own family without having to finance someone else's. Now Sarah is being off with me and Im starting to think maybe I was wrong. AITAH?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Latter-Action6943 wrote:

NTA, I was in a similar situation but I saw the writing on the wall. Once I saw the kids stroll in I piped up to the waiter and said I’d be getting a separate check for my food. Everyone else was confused and I told them I knew exactly what was about to happen next.

You’re going to ask to Split this X ways when there are Y number of People.

Their response was hysterical… “well you can’t expect to split the check with children can you?” To which I replied, “no, and that’s why I’m getting my own check”

Tattletale1313 wrote:

So your friend group gets together once a month or so just the moms without your kids… And someone decides to invite their sister and her four kids to an adult only gathering?

That by itself is an AH move as you are all meeting there to have some kid free time for yourselves and to catch up. It would be one thing if someone invited their sister to the Mom‘s/girls group, but her bringing four kids along completely changes the dynamic.

Then she unexpectedly tries to guilt everyone to pay for her and her children? Because she’s struggling? None of you invited the sister so you are not responsible for footing her bill. No one is ever responsible or should be expected to pay for anyone else unless it was previously agreed upon.

This is just another case of blatant mooching and guilt tripping. There should be a whole lot more shaming going on! This irresponsible greedy mother should be shamed for poor parenting, poor financial decisions (ordering far more than she can afford), using people, teaching her children to be entitled fools.

chrisorwhatever wrote:

NTA. What is mum shaming anyway? I feel bad when people can't afford things like everyone else can, but people should still live within their means. I might see differently if she'd talked with you beforehand, but to simply expect you to all cover the additional bill is not okay.

puzzleheaded-rip8887 wrote:

NTA. Kelly just wanted a free meal for herself and her kids. I’m guessing Sarah lends her money and pays for some meals and doesn’t see it as a big deal. But there’s a difference between siblings and someone you don’t know.

Lumpy_Marsupial_1559 wrote:

You didn't mum-shame. You mooch-shamed. I'm a sole parent. I do a similar catch-up with a group of friends. Some of us have a lot more disposable income than others. We eat at places we can all afford (I admit it's a stretch for me to do this at all, but it's worth it to maintain the connections), and we pay for our own meals. We might split a bottle between us (by agreement), or we might buy drinks separately.

NO ONE orders high value in food and then asks others to cover it.

If we DID, it would be by agreement beforehand, not by stealth after.

NTA. And good on you!