'AITA for refusing to be maid of honor over a bridesmaid, causing her to get “fired”?'

"AITA for refusing to be maid of honour over a bridesmaid, causing her to get 'fired'?​​​​​"

The people in this story are my best friend “Jane”, her brother “Elliot”, and his girlfriend of two years, “Kathy”. Jane is marrying her fiancé Tom in July and she asked me to be her maid of honour. This was sort of expected as Jane is essentially a sister to me. I was surprised, however, that she asked her brother’s girlfriend, Kathy, to be a bridesmaid.

Jane later confided that Kathy had kind of pressured her into it and she had done it to make Elliot happy. The issue is, Kathy hates me. Like seriously hates me. She blames me for all the issues she has with Elliot and Jane’s parents, and for her not having a better friendship with Jane.

She also thinks I am trying to steal Elliot from her (I’m not) but also cannot handle whenever he and I disagree on anything and will go way overboard defending him and arguing with me. I was determined to put this all aside for Jane, though. This was actually not going too badly, but last weekend we went to a bridal shop to choose bridesmaid dresses.

Jane mentioned that she wanted me and Elliot to walk down the aisle together, and Kathy lost it. She called me desperate, crazy, a pick me, a fake, fat, and a bunch of other things. Looking back, I probably should have said more than I did, but at that moment I could see how everyone was looking at her, and I didn’t want them looking at me the same way, so I literally just said “yeah I’m not dealing with this.

Either she’s out, or I am” and picked my stuff up and left. (I apologised to Jane for the drama and offered her a long weekend of babysitting and some flowers to make up for it and she accepted so we’re ok now) Because of this, Jane has said that Kathy can’t be a bridesmaid anymore because she wants me as maid of honour. This has caused issues with Kathy, and Elliot by extension.

Both Elliot and Kathy have apologised and said Kathy will behave better for all the wedding events, but I’m not willing to budge. Jane’s mother and my mother both think I should drop the ultimatum, and I don’t want to make things hard on Jane, so I’m rethinking.

But I know there’s other things she will try to cause issues with me over and I just don’t know how long I can keep being the bigger person with her.

So AITA for causing this drama?

What do you think? AITA?

lihzee said:

"She blames me for all the issues she has with Elliot and Jane’s parents, and for her not having a better friendship with Jane. She also thinks I am trying to steal Elliot from her" Why? This all seems kind of suspicious. She obviously behaved horribly, but I don't understand why she hates you so much in the first place, or why she feels like you're to blame for issues she has with this family. ETA - NTA.

Excellent-Count4009 said:

NTA. "so I literally just said “yeah I’m not dealing with this. Either she’s out, or I am” and picked my stuff up and left." ... a very adult and deescalating reaction. You handled that situation well.

LemmePet said:

NTA. Sounds like Jane didn't really want her to be her bridesmaid in the first place and you gave her an out without compromising her relationship with Elliot. Don't budge. See if you can find out what Kathy's deal is because this isn't normal behaviour

AgnarCrackenhammer said:

NTA. Jane either deliberately did this to provoke a reaction out of Kathy to have an excuse to remove her, or is painfully oblivious. Either way you've done nothing wrong

RandomGuy_81 said:

Why is jane insisting you walk down the aisle with her brother instead of his gf? Sounds like jane is the AH for starting shit

Distinct-Practice131 said:

Nta. You are not, at that forcing Jane to choose. One of you is her best friend, and the other bullied her way into the wedding party then let her insecurities get the best of her. While it feels like there is context missing in regards to why she hates you so much, really no context justifies her outburst at the same time. If I was the bride I wouldn't want her back lol.

sharkbiscut saidL

NTA. I think you handled the bridle shop situation perfectly. I know weddings are about the bride and groom, but I wouldn’t sacrifice my mental health for this nonsense. And Jane made the decision to keep you on. It’s on her shoulders now. You just need to be there to support her.

Also, the worst part of all this: you still probably have to sit at the same table as her at the wedding if the wedding party sits at the same table. So have fun with that awkwardness. But also, have fun at your best friend’s wedding and don’t let Kathy get ya down!

Signal_Wall_8445 said:

I will reserve judgement until you answer this question. Have you ever been involved with Eliot and, if yes, how so?

And OP replied:

Nope. We have never gotten along and still don’t to this day

Verdict: NTA.

Do you agree??