'AITA for refusing to change the date of my wedding for my sister? She picked hers after me.'
"AITAH for refusing to change the date of my wedding for my sister?"
My fiancé (32M) and I (28F) have been planning our wedding for over a year. We chose a date that’s significant to us it's the anniversary of our first date. Everything is booked: the venue, the caterer, and even our honeymoon. We sent out save-the-dates months ago, and most of our family and friends have RSVP'd.
A month ago, my older sister (35F) announced that she and her long-time boyfriend got engaged. I was thrilled for her and told her I couldn’t wait to help with wedding planning. However, she dropped a bombshell last week: she wants to get married on the same weekend as my wedding and asked me to move mine.
Her reasoning? The date I chose falls on her boyfriend's parents' wedding anniversary; she thinks it would be "beautiful" to share the date.
She also argued that since her boyfriend’s family is flying in from another country, it would be more convenient for them to attend a wedding that weekend rather than planning a separate trip. I told her I couldn’t change the date because everything was already set, and it would be a logistical nightmare—not to mention costly to reschedule.
She got upset and said I was being selfish and not accommodating her "once-in-a-lifetime moment." My parents are now pressuring me to change my wedding date to "keep the peace." They say my sister’s relationship is "new and exciting" and needs the extra support, while my fiancé and I have been together for years and "don’t need the spotlight."
My fiancé is furious and says we shouldn't cave to the pressure. My best friend thinks my sister is being unreasonable, but my mom keeps calling me and saying that I’m creating unnecessary drama by refusing. So, AITAH for not changing my wedding date?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
FirmAd9087 wrote:
No. Because if you changed it then someone else wouldn’t have been able to make it. Your sister should quit being so selfish.
OP responded:
I appreciate your perspective, and I do feel like it’s a tricky situation no matter what. It’s true that changing the date would have caused issues for others, especially since we’ve already sent save-the-dates and made plans. I just wish my sister could see why it’s difficult for me to make such a big change at this stage.
Ragadast335 wrote:
NTA, and it seems that your sister is the golden daughter.
From my point of view, your sister could have offered you some kind of compensation, or could have adapted her wishes to yours, or could marry next year giving all the credits to her parents in law wedding anniversary...
Traditional-Day1140 wrote:
This is your once in a life time moment too! Is your sister their favorite? Absolutely do not change your wedding date. NTA.
OP responded:
Thank you for understanding it really means a lot! This is a once in a lifetime moment for me and my fiancé too, and we’ve put so much into making it special. Sometimes it does feel like my sister gets preferential treatment, but I’m standing firm on keeping our date. I appreciate the encouragement!
Thetruthis2022 wrote:
Your sister can go kick rocks. If the date is that important to her let her do it on that date—next year! Your parents are absolutely delusional to think after all the time, money, and energy you’ve put into planning this that you can just cancel/postpone/change date is so freaking gross.
I’d make it VERY clear that what they are asking is completely unreasonable and if they aren’t willing to let it go then it’s all a moot point-they’re uninvited and can start planning her wedding for the same weekend anyway.
But I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say it has nothing to with wanting to share the date with her future in laws, she finally got the ring and now wants to be the center of attention and the best way to do that is to make herself a shadow over your planning.
She’s jealous that you are younger than her yet are hitting a milestone before her and she can’t stand it. Would you agree that between the two of you, your parents have always treated her as the golden child?
OP responded:
Wow, thank you for being so honest it’s definitely validating to hear someone call out how unreasonable this all feels. I agree that changing the date at this point is out of the question, and I’ve been clear about that. I do feel like my sister’s request isn’t entirely about logistics, but I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and not assume jealousy or bad intentions.
As for being the 'golden child,' I’ve definitely felt like she gets more support or leeway from our parents, which is frustrating. I just hope everyone can respect my decision and let this go.
Luludivine wrote:
Call her bluff, let the trash take itself out. Tell sis she’s welcome to schedule her wedding anytime she wishes. You won’t be able to attend as you have a prior arrangement- aka your own wedding. Let her send out her invites, see how her attendees- especially those who already RSVPd- will react. If they go to hers- at least you know who can trust from now on.
OP responded:
That’s a solid point I’ve been thinking about how to handle things if it keeps escalating. I definitely won’t be attending her wedding if she chooses the same date, and it’ll be interesting to see how others respond too. It’s a tough situation, but I’m trying to stand my ground. I appreciate the suggestion; it gives me a bit more clarity on how to move forward.
Subspaceisgoodspace wrote:
Did she want you to gift her the wedding venue and food etc too?!?!
OP responded:
Honestly, at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if that was next on her list! It's crazy how far she thinks I should go to accommodate her. I’ve already said no to the date change, but I guess some people think their special moments should take precedence over everyone else’s.