'AITA for refusing to help my cousin?' 'She stole my entire dream wedding idea.'
"My cousin has stolen my entire dream wedding idea, AITA for refusing to help her?"
I have always been super into event planning. It’s been my dream since I was a kid to run my own business as a wedding planner. Over the past few years, I’ve been building a portfolio of ideas, mood boards, and mock-up plans. I even planned a couple of small events for family and friends, and everyone said I was talented.
My cousin got engaged earlier this year, and I was thrilled for her. She asked me for advice about her wedding, and I was over the moon. I spent hours helping her brainstorm, even sharing some of my most unique and creative ideas, things I’d been saving for my future career.
Fast forward a couple of weeks, and she announces her wedding plans to the family. I was excited to hear what she’d decided, but as she described it, my heart sank. It was my plan...like, exactly.
From the enchanted forest theme, to the color palette, to the quirky little personal touches I’d spent years curating it was all there. She even used one of the venue ideas I’d suggested and claimed it was her “dream location.”
I confronted her privately and asked why she hadn’t at least credited me for the concept. She brushed me off, saying, “It’s just a wedding. You should be flattered I loved your ideas so much!”
To make matters worse, she’s now asking me to help her execute the wedding. She wants me to “be her assistant” on the big day since I’m so “good at it.” I told her no. I said I felt taken advantage of and hurt that she didn’t even acknowledge my work. She called me dramatic and ungrateful, saying this was her big day and I should be happy to support her.
Now the family is weighing in. Some people think she was wrong for stealing my ideas, but others say weddings aren’t about originality and I should let it go. My cousin insists I’m being petty and ruining her special time.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
teresajs said:
You gave her the ideas and she used them. What did you expect? That said, don't give her any more unpaid labor. She can hire a Wedding Planner if she needs support.
dystopiadattopia said:
Wait, you told her your ideas in a brainstorming session for HER wedding, and now you’re upset that she used the ideas you freely gave her? I always hate when people say “It’s just a ________, get over it,” so your cousin’s being a bit of a brat on that point. But you gave her the ideas in a context that was unquestionably about your cousin’s wedding. ESH at best, though leaning YTA.
Big_lt said:
YTA on principle for your thought process (not for not wanting to help further). She came to you initially asking for ideas which you gave her. She then decided to use them because she liked them. Now you're upset she used your ideas?
If they were so precious you should not have shared them or at least tell her broader strokes your ideas for your future wedding (which may not even happen since your partner does get a say).
_iron_butterfly_ said:
You contradict yourself repeatedly... you want to be an event planner, you sat down and brainstormed ideas with her, and now you're upset she liked the ideas you shared? There is nothing original about an enchanted forest theme wedding...are you even engaged and planning your own wedding? YTA - stop causing needless drama and do not volunteer to help if you're going to be spiteful.
Hairy-Capital-3374 said:
YTA for saying she "stole" your ideas. You willingly told her them!!
maverick57 said:
YTA. She asked you for advice, you shared several ideas, and she used some of them. Why do you need to be "credited" publicly? None of this is about you, it's about your cousin and her partner.
Get over yourself. You didn't invent an enchanted forest. You expected her to announce her wedding plans and then tell people whose idea it was? Are you out of your mind? NONE OF THIS IS ABOUT YOU.
You sound like a child. The idea that you require "credit" for sharing ideas with her is completely ridiculous. I have been to a lot of weddings, not once did the wedding announcement come with "credit" for the planning. Grow up.
Inside-Potato5869 said:
YTA she asked for help and took your suggestions. You’re being very unreasonable and immature. If you didn’t want her to take your suggestions you shouldn’t have suggested them. You’re mad at your cousin because she’s not a mind reader and didn’t realize that your suggestions weren’t actually suggestions.
As far as giving you credit what are you expecting? To tell everyone every time she mentions her wedding that it was all your ideas? Cite to you on the invites? Most people don’t care who actually came up with the concept they care to celebrate the couple getting married.
This is a great opportunity for you to start building a portfolio. Take the opportunity. Apologize to your cousin tell her that you are flattered she took your ideas and ask if you can use her wedding to start your portfolio. And I say this with kindness and respect: grow up.