'AITA for refusing to help my in-laws financially?' 'I feel like a villain.'

"AITA for refusing to help my in-laws financially after realizing they’re taking advantage of me and my wife?"

So, I (32F) have kinda reached my breaking point with my in-laws and now apparently I'm the bad guy for it. My wife (34F) and I have been helping her parents out financially for years.

We’ve covered medical bills, helped with their mortgage, and whenever there was some "emergency" they couldn't handle, we stepped in. We never really thought twice about it because, well, they’re family, and my wife felt like it was our responsibility.

But then I started noticing a pattern. Every time we gave them money, suddenly they had cash to go out to fancy restaurants, buy expensive designer clothes, or splurge on stuff they absolutely did not need.

At first, I tried to brush it off maybe they just needed a little joy in their lives or whatever. But it kept happening. And the thing is, it was always right after we helped them.

The final straw was last month. My MIL called my wife crying about overdue medical bills and how they were struggling. We sent them a good chunk of money because, obviously, that’s important. A few days later, I see MIL posting on Facebook about how they’re having a "much needed getaway" at some luxury resort.

I showed my wife and she immediately started making excuses for them maybe it was a gift, maybe they used a different credit card, maybe we were overthinking it. But the more I looked into it, the clearer it became. There were no overdue medical bills. They straight-up lied to us so they could go on a fancy vacation.

That was it for me. I told my wife we’re done funding their lifestyle. If they can afford designer clothes, they can afford their own damn house. My wife was hesitant at first she’s always felt responsible for them but even she had to admit this was messed up. So we told them we weren’t giving them any more money. And all h%ll broke loose.

MIL called us ungrateful and sobbed about how we’re abandoning them. FIL said I was manipulating my wife. And then they dragged other relatives into it, who are now guilt-tripping us, saying things like, “But they’re family” and “You have the money, why wouldn’t you help?”

Now my wife is second-guessing everything, and I feel like the villain. But I can’t keep lighting money on fire for people who refuse to act like responsible adults. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Candid_Process1831 said:

NTA! They are the AH for sucking you dry!

Animals_are_Angels87 said:

Make a time-line of all the money you have given them. Include dates. Next put what they did with the money. Put everything on it. Print it out and hang it on your refrigerator for your wife to see.

When relatives that feel its appropriate to discuss finances with you because your inlaws shared private information with them send them the document. The bank is closed. Time for all of them to suck it up. NTA.

Petitebourgeoisie1 said:

NTA, your wife is the problem quite frankly. She is an enabler. She seems like she is okay with being taken advantage of, but not that you stand up for yourself and setting boundaries. I see this more as a marriage issue.

lapsteelguitar said:

Regarding future medical bills, you pay the hospital or provider directly. With your CC. That way her family can't divert the money elsewhere, and they can't claim that any refund be paid to them. That's IF you choose to assist them. NTA.

Vegetable-Cod-2340 said:

NTA. Op, you and your wife might want to try couples counseling, because her parents are definitely going to try to manipulate her to get more money and they will continue to call you controlling. It’s imperative you and your wife are on the same page about their lies, games and any other nonsense they try to use to justify their actions.

The fact that they so easily lied about the reasons for the money says they’re willing to do whatever they need to feed thier habit including destroy your marriage. You and her want to form a game plan to handle them and their games going forward.

Over_Average3567 said:

NTA, but I would have a sit down with your wife about this being a hard boundary. The pressure can get to be too much sometimes, and I would hate for her to try to go behind your back to give them money. Sorry y'all got taken advantage of after being so kind and thoughtful!

Apprehensive_War9612 said:

NTA. This needs to be a hill to die on. Your wife has got to listen. & the guilt tripping family should step up or shut up.

UnderstandingSad418 said:

NTA, next time tell them to send you the bill and you will take care of it directly. If they protest then you know it was not for bills.