'AITA for refusing to help my parents after they gave my sister their house?'
"AITA for refusing to help my parents after they gave my sister their house?"
Silent-Incident7619
I (33M) have always had a complicated relationship with my parents. Growing up, my younger sister, Lily (30F), was clearly the favorite. They were more lenient with her, gave her more opportunities, and supported her financially in ways they never did for me. I accepted it over the years, figuring it was just the way things were.
A few months ago, my parents decided to downsize and move into a smaller home. Instead of selling their current house, which is the one we grew up in, they decided to give it to Lily. They said she "needed it more" because she’s starting a family and could use the space. They didn’t offer me anything—not even a conversation about it.
This hit me hard, especially since my wife and I are also planning to buy a home soon, and we could've really used some help. When I brought this up to my parents, they brushed it off and said Lily has always been the one who "needed" more support. I told them I felt hurt and left out, but they just acted like I was being selfish.
Fast forward to last week: my parents reached out asking if I could help them with some renovations on their new place. They want me to spend several weekends doing repairs and helping them move, all without any compensation or even acknowledgment of how unfair this situation feels to me.
I told them no, that I’m not willing to help after the way they handled giving away the house. They were shocked and accused me of being petty and ungrateful. Lily also chimed in, saying I’m causing unnecessary drama and making everything about me.
Now, my parents are barely speaking to me, and some extended family members have reached out, telling me I’m overreacting and that I should just help them out because "family comes first."
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
TheSassiestPanda
NTA - I love when family who treat you like an afterthought think that ignoring you is some kind of punishment and not the actual gift that it is. 😂 Tell everyone who gives you that “family comes first” line that you’re happy to let your parents know that they’re willing to help them out instead. See how fast they drop the “family comes first” bs then.
sarcastic-pedant
Exactly!
Some extended family members have reached out, telling me I’m overreacting and that I should just help them out because "family comes first."
OP tell them you completely agree with them, however you have never been the one who came first for your parents, so your sister should be paying back all their efforts and should be happy to take the lead here. I mean, if your parents can afford to downsize without selling their main home, they surely have the funds to hire in help.
You have decided to put your family first considering all the money you need to save for a deposit and the possible extra hours you have to work to achieve your goal without support from your parents, you will spend your weekends for the betterment of your family. Any flying monkeys must be willing to help, too, since they have an opinion.
ComprehensivePut5569
NTA - Tell them to ask Lily for help.
ptprn11
Ask your family how Family comes first when you come in last?
United-Manner20
NTA Lily feels that way because she’s the only person that benefited from their completely one-sided gift. Then going low contact is truly going to be what’s best right now for your mental health. You owe them nothing. Lily can help now that she doesn’t have to pay a mortgage payment.
Upset_Structure3547
Tell them to have your sister help them out. They should fix it right being she is the golden child. Move on with your wife and leave them behind because it's all toxic and blah blah blah and no need to have in your life. Have peace and create new family with your wife and enjoy your life.
LegitimateMove7645
If they can organise everything but free help it’s a their problem not yours NTA.
Lula_mlb
NTA. What are you suppose to be grateful for? Lilly and her husband can spend the foreseeable future helping your parents. Also, this is not about the house, this is a about the pattern of giving your sister everything and nothing to you. Last time I check, your parents have a house, your sister has a house, you are renting. How is your sister the one in need of more help?
Your sister will want things to remain the same, as it favors her, so I wouldn´t waste my breath with her. As for the rest of your relatives, let them know they are welcome to take turns helping with the renovations. You need to focus all your time and effort into saving and prepping to get your own house, as your family has never deemed you worthy of receiving help.