'AITA for refusing to share my huge inheritance with my step-siblings?'
"AITA for refusing to share my huge inheritance with my stepsiblings?"
So I (17M) found out only a few weeks ago that my dad left me a lot of money in a trust. Like it's such a crazy amount that I didn't really believe it at first. But it's true. The reason is my dad had inherited from both his parents already, he also inherited from the only two uncles he had as well, and one of them was very successful and had a business.
This was all explained in a letter my dad wrote to me. He had the trust set up before he came into most of the money but when he found out his cancer was incurable, he decided to put it all aside for me once all medical bills were paid off for him. My parents were separated but not legally divorced when my dad was sick/died. But they weren't living together or a couple for year. This was 10 years ago.
My mom found out about the money because she read the letter he sent to me about the issue. Then she insisted she was joining me to meet with the lawyer to discuss this. When my mom learned about the money she told her husband and suddenly the money became a very touchy subject. I can't touch it until I'm 19 with the way my dad set it up.
So I have some time to deal with this but my mom and her husband want me to share the money with my stepsiblings (14, 8 and 7). The money is enough where even if I pay for college and buy a house I would have money left. The way the trust works I was told it's also getting interest. Which my dad had intentionally set up.
My mom and her husband have struggled financially for years. They started dating when his youngest kid was 1. His wife had died, he was going through a legal battle with the mother of his oldest and his oldest is in therapy for trauma caused by their mom. Also his youngest was born with some medical issues and has lots of doctor appointments.
Between everything money was tight. We live paycheck to paycheck and I work to make my own life a little more comfortable. But we had no college savings or anything before this. My mom and her husband drained their own bank account to keep a roof over our heads.
This has all been brought up to me as a good reason why I should do this. My mom told me it was selfish for dad to put it all away solely for my future and he should have been thinking about raising me as well. She told me I might not call her husband dad or his kids my siblings,
but we are a family and that this family has been through so much together and we have struggled for so long, that it would be so good and generous for me to do this. I told her it's not like I can access the money now. She said no, but when I do, I should set up accounts for my three stepsiblings so they have a better chance at college and if not college, the chance to have a help start in life.
Despite all their trying to talk me into it, I said no. I told them I wasn't going to share the money. My mom was SO mad. But it was nothing compared to how mad her husband was. They told me to quit being selfish and start acting with compassion. AITA?
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
KronkLaSworda said:
NTA, but get the hell out of that house. Is there a sibling of your dad's you can move in, with? Invest every cent of that money, though. Talk to a financial advisor. Also, make sure to keep your birth certificate, driver's license, and any other IDs and documents where they can't hold them over your head.
IronBeagle01 said:
NTA. So your moms new husband is mad you arent giving money to his children with your mother? This money came from your father. That was not their father, it was yours. This is whom your father wanted the money to go to.
Explain to your mother that if they are going to punish you for doing exactly what your dead father wanted they can go fly a kite. Mom should also ask her new husband to stay out of it. He isnt your father.
LouisV25 said:
NTA. I’m 58F, Take it from me:
1.) You are not obliged to share the money. If I were in your position, I would not.
2)Your dad left it the way he did so your mom couldn’t spend it on others. It is not your job to finance her family. It WAS NOT selfish of your father make sure your mom and company are okay. IT IS selfish and greedy for your mom and husband to expect you to give them money. GIVING THEM MONEY IS WHAT YOUR DAD WOULD NOT WANT.
3) This IS YOUR LEGACY. It’s everything your dad could give you to help you in life because he won’t be there. Your dad is trying to give you now what he would have contributed during his life had he lived. REMEMBER THAT.
4) You’re young. Life is EXPENSIVE. Please talk to the lawyer and get help to stretch the money out as long as possible. Houses need roofs, plumbing, cars need maintenance, weddings (if you chose)are expensive, healthcare if you get sick is expensive, and then there is RETIREMENT. Don’t look at college and a house as the only big items. You have 70 to 75 years to live.
5) Also find out if you get all the money at once or it pays over time. If it pays overtime you may not be able to share it.
PLEASE TALK TO YOUR TRUST OFFICER AND LEAVE YOUR MOM OUT OF IT.
Puzzleheaded_Ruin881 said:
NTA. You didn't choose how your dad set up the inheritance, and they're not his kids.
gypsybug135 said:
What they're asking isn't compassion. It's displacing the financial burden of raising HIS children onto you. If you have no emotional drive to share, then please do not do it. Your mother is responsible for the costs of raising you. Full stop. You don't owe her for her choice to have and raise a child.
She has made decisions that got her (& her husband) where she is. It is not your job to mitigate her life. Your dad was smart. He made sure your mother could not ruin your future. He guaranteed safety for you. Now, take advantage of his forethought and thrive! NTA
Verdict: NTA.
Take that money and RUN, OP!!!