'AITA for refusing to split my grandson's inheritance to share with his new step-siblings?'

"AITA for telling my daughter I won’t split my investments intended for my grandson to share with his new stepsiblings because I don’t give a shit about them?"

My daughter has one son. He is 15. She had a ‘change of heart’ about being married to my grandsons father in 2018 who by all accounts is a hard working, humble man. She wanted a lifestyle change. Enter her new husband, an unemployed ‘actor’ with two children. He is irresponsible, shady, not trustworthy. I have caught him rummaging in my grandsons room in my home with no excuse as to why.

There are other things too that make me distrust him. I have a lot of anger surrounding my daughters choice which in my opinion was motivated by selfishness- she took off and left my grandson with me and my wife while she went out of state for weeks on end throughout the past year to visit her partner, and my grandsons grades, happiness, and health have all taken an enormous knock.

He has lost weight, misses his mother and father, is lonely and anxious. She doesn’t call him or care about him anymore. My wife and I have purchased some property with the intention of gifting it to my grandson when he turns 18. We have also gifted from our savings into a new bank account (in my wife’s name for the moment) a helpful amount that he will be able to use for college.

The only reason my daughter is aware of this is because the purchase of the property was not something we were exactly able to keep secret. I decided to be upfront and tell her if she doesn’t want to be a mom, her own mother and I will do right by our grandson. My daughter has threatened to estrange herself from my wife and I because we are showing favoritism to my grandson.

She came to our home yelling and screaming, and asked ‘do you even give a sh!t about the step kids?’ I told her those other two children aren’t my responsibility nor do I give a sh!t about them. They have a mother who they live with, my grandson isn’t welcome at his moms house because his new stepfather makes him uncomfortable, and she certainly isn’t putting him first.

My wife is usually on my side and thinks that I was right to tell our daughter the truth, but she thinks I should have been diplomatic. I think she deserved to hear the honest truth.

What do you think? AITA? Or do you agree with OP's decision and how he handled this? This is what top commenters had to say:

iamabigmeme said:

NTA. It’s really sad that it sounds like she’s putting these step kids over her own son. It also seems like she hasn’t even taken her son’s feelings surrounding everything into account. She’s incredibly selfish for that. I can imagine your grandson is incredibly grateful for everything you’re doing for him. He’s blessed to have such loving grandparents.

ivanthemute said:

NTA, and grab a lawyer ASAP. You need to make sure that you retain those items for your grandkids, in trust, until he's ready to receive them. If you and your wife were to, heaven forbid, die in an accident you don't want those properties to default to the mom as next of kin. Have the lawyer or another trusted individual act as the trustee to protect your investment in your grandchild.

black_dragonfly13 said:

I applaud you for how you’ve stepped up for your grandson. I don’t have any advice because this is such a clusterf@ck of confusion but my vote is NTA.

[deleted] said:

NTA and as an abandoned daughter I feel so much for your grandson

melxcham said:

I started out thinking you were the AH. As I read further, it became clear that you’re NTA (although a bit harsh in what you said). She should worry about caring for her own child before the step kids anyhow, and it doesn’t sound like she’s doing that.

And lightninghazard said:

NTA. Your grandson’s step-siblings have their own family members. Hopefully someone there will be able to help them out with college, but if not it’s still not your responsibility. Who knows how long your daughter will even stay married to this new guy? And it doesn’t sound like you have any sort of relationship with those kids, which makes it even weirder that she flew off the handle at you like that.

Verdict: NTA.

Do you agree?