Man demands that wife is banned from hospital after sneaking him junk food. AITA?
"AITA for reporting my wife for bringing me snacks in the hospital?"
Parking_Honey_8569
I am 32 and male. About two years ago, I was diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder. To put it simply, I eat compulsively, even when not hungry. My BMI is 43, putting me in the Class III obesity range.
Since my diagnosis, I have not improved whatsoever. Therapy and support groups have a positive effect on my mentality, but even two hours after I'll be in line at a drive-through. It has affected my health, my mental health, my finances, and of course my wife.
My wife is 37. She is average-sized and eventually agreed that I may need actual medical intervention. After a lot of deliberation, we packed up and temporarily moved states so I could participate in an inpatient program as part of a research study.
Apparently, intervention programs for BED can be pretty hit or miss, and so this one is a new take on them, being six months instead of the typical 30 to 90 days. I am currently at the end of my first month, and everything is going very well.
I've made a lot of friends in the program as well. At the end of the one-month mark, visitation opened up and my wife could now visit me. Obviously she jumped at the chance and came to visit me two days ago.
We headed over to my room, where she took her backpack off and pulled out jalapeno chips and colas--two of my most common binge items. At first I freaked out, but she explained that I "deserved a break" and went into detail about how much trouble she went through to smuggle them through.
I immediately shouted for a nurse who forcefully removed the products from her hands and then escorted her out of the hospital with a full team. My wife has now been completely banned from the premises.
And she's furious at me. The nurses and doctors have expressed nothing but gratitude and told me that had I indulged I would have instantly been removed from the program.
One thing that my wife said that made me think she had a point was instead of telling her to put the snacks away and take them home, I went for the nuclear option of calling other people. I know that her bringing me snacks was objectively wrong, but was my reaction over the top?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
synchrohighway
NTA. I would be a huge asshole if I brought over a drink to someone in rehab for alcohol abuse, your wife is a massive one.
BraveLaw5080
Wife is an enabler and on some level wants OP to stay fat, sick, and addicted. Sabotaging his recovery is low. OP is going to have to choose between his health and his marriage before this is over.
Mean_Eye_8735
I believe so too because" she eventually agreed to him taking medication" and the smuggled goods. I would think she would be the one suggesting the medication, that she would want her husband healthy, that she'd want him to be able to have a healthy relationship with food, stable mentally. She wants him to stay as he was, she needs help too.
Beneficial_Breath232
NTA. If she wents through the troubles to smuggle their triggers to an addict-in-recovery, and says "you deserve a break," just saying nicely 'No' won't work. Panicking and having her removed by the security was the best option, as she clearly wouldn't be the one stopping herself from bringing their TRIGGERS.
seriouslytori
NTA. This is so true! OP. She was attempting to enable you to relapse. This is such a serious issue for you to have and you seem to be at a point where you are making real change.
For her to act like it's no big deal is minimizing the challenge you are dealing with. My boyfriend is in recovery. I would NEVER bring him anything or even put him in a situation where we are around substances.
I can't even imagine suggesting he "needs a break" from sobriety. I have also basically stopped drinking because I want to support him so much (never really cared for it anyway).
You guys definitely need to have a big conversation about this. She needs to realize how serious this is for you if she doesn't already. Food issues/BED is extremely hard because we can't just stop eating. This will be years of hard work and she needs to get on the train now.
Also, as someone who struggles with food and my weight myself, I just wanted to say good for you for doing the work. This isn't easy and it seems like you really are going for it. You are already making so much progress seeing as you refused her! Congrats on that win even if it doesn't feel like a win due to the circumstances.
And I would be very cautious when you go out of the program. If she is trying to sabotage you while you are in your program, chances are she would try the same after you got home.
She need to be educated/educate herself about how to live with a someone who struggles like this and what to do and what to avoid, elsewhere you won't be able to get out of your current state.
BlueGreen_1956
NTA. Your wife had to "smuggle" in the snacks? Didn't that give her a clue that it was not the right thing to do? It sounds like you have wife problem in addition to your eating issues.
cassowary32
NTA. Is your wife a feeder, by any chance? It sounds like she needs therapy if she couldn’t figure out that sneaking food to someone being treated inpatient for a serious eating issue was a terrible idea. Do you discuss your relationship in therapy? How long have you been together?
PidginPigeonHole
As someone who has recently been on a program for BED myself I would say you are NTA. You are discovering that family even though we love them to pieces can be enablers too. You sound like it's working for you! That's brilliant. Enablers come in all sizes shapes and even our loved ones can be enablers too.
Maybe there is behaviour she needs to address for herself as to why she wanted to bring you trigger foods. Maybe she's scared she'll lose you if you lose weight, maybe she feels you won't need her anymore so she trying to keep some sort of dependence going.
Only you can answer that really and it's something she might need to address via therapy. Good luck with everything! Much love and respect to you from someone who knows something of what you're going through.