'AITA for sacrificing the guest room instead of the office space?' MAJOR UPDATE

"AITA for sacrificing the guest room instead of the office space?"

My husband and I live in a 3 bedroom apartment. We sleep in the master bedroom, and until earlier this year, the other two were a guest room and an office space we both shared. Our first child was born in October, and we decided to turn the guest room into his nursery. We thought about sacrificing the office instead, but decided we needed it more than the guest room.

I work on-site, but I also do some freelancing from home, and my husband works hybrid. We don’t need to do our work from the office, but it’s more comfortable and less chaotic, especially now that we have a baby.

On the other hand, we rarely have guests over. If we do, the office is big enough to set a mattress (edit: a normal one, not an air mattress) on the floor. My father lives in a different country. He’s traveling here for Christmas in about a week, and this will be his first time meeting my son in person.

Last time he came, I was pregnant and we still had the guest room, so he stayed there during his visit. A couple weeks ago, my father called to ask whether he could stay at my apartment again this year. I said sure, but we don’t have the guest room anymore, so he’d have to sleep in the office.

He asked what I meant, and I told him we’d turned the guest room into the baby’s nursery. He then asked why I hadn’t gotten rid of the office instead. I explained my and my husband’s reasoning. My father got annoyed and said, “Whatever, I’ll get a hotel”, before hanging up on me.

The next day, my father texted me. He said it was selfish and inconsiderate of me and my husband to keep an office we “don’t actually need” over a room to properly house potential guests.

He added that he didn’t raise me to be such an awful hostess, and it’s insane of me to think people would be okay sleeping on a mattress on the floor. My sister is siding with my father, and I’m starting to doubt myself here. AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Blindumpbob wrote:

NTA. A guest room is nice to have, but you have reason enough to use that space otherwise. In fact, to not do so could be a waste of space. Surely your dad also taught you not to waste resources.

As for sister dear, does she live nearby to you? Maybe she's afraid dad will hit her up. Or, does she live far away, and was figuring on using your guest room for some free lodging of her own?

OP responded:

My sister is younger and still lives with our mother, 15 minutes away. She only stayed in my guest room once before, and has said she's perfectly fine sleeping in the office if she ever has to.

KaliTheBlaze wrote:

NTA. A home should be set up for the best interests of the people who live there. You and your husband both regularly work from home. Sure, you could make do without the office, but it would be awkward and inconvenient for you both.

It’s quite absurd for someone who isn’t paying any part of the rent or living there to expect you to suffer routine inconvenience in your own home year round to better be convenient for them a few days a year.

StAlvis wrote:

INFO:

"my father called to ask whether he could stay at my apartment again this year. I said sure, but we don’t have the guest room anymore, so he’d have to sleep in the office."

I mean... is there a futon in the office? Pullout couch?

Because if not, I wouldn't even offer and just go straight to "no, get a hotel."

OP responded:

No. There's enough space to put a mattress on the floor.

I know that's not ideal, that's why I didn't make that offer previously.

Kimbo151 wrote:

NTA, WFH wasn’t a thing when your father was in the workforce. Nowadays a home office is a must and it sounds like you and your husband both use it. While it is great to have a dedicated guest room it’s also crazy to have a room in your house that is almost never used “just in case” someone comes to visit you.

If the space permits I’d consider getting a nice/comfortable pull out sleeper sofa for your office but a plan to have guests stay at a nearby hotel is perfectly fine.

A few weeks later, OP shared an update.

Hey everyone. My father flew home on Thursday, so I feel pretty good about writing an update now. First of all, I have read most of your suggestions for rearranging my home to make it more suitable for guests (Murphy beds, futons, sleeper sofas, having a guest room with a desk instead of an office, etc.), and while I appreciate your advice, most of them would not work.

We don't have the space for a pull-out couch, can't budget for a Murphy bed and need more than just a single desk as an office. That said, my husband and I are looking into getting a small futon. Secondly, my father did end up staying at a hotel, but not without reluctance.

I didn't really express this in my original post, but I feel like my father's annoyance about this had more to do with his expectations of me as a person than of my home. He's always expected me to prioritize others, even when it was uncomfortable or inconvenient for me. I shared a room with my sister for 6 years so he could have a guest bedroom he barely used.

And to be honest, I never actually liked having guests over, especially for long periods of time. My father always loved hosting other people, but I always found it exhausting and uncomfortable. And now that I also have a baby to think about, I can't imagine entertaining a visitor for more than a few hours, let alone days.

My father and I did have a fight about this, but I put my foot down and he booked the hotel. When he flew in, he visited us right away to meet my son. Throughout the holidays, things were a little tense between us, but otherwise fine. A few days after Christmas, we had a small discussion.

I told my father that my husband and I are doing our research on a futon, but until then, the mattress on the floor is the best we can offer. I added that I was very upset about his initial reaction, and if he ever acts like this again, I won't host him at my place, futon or not. He can either book a hotel room or wait until my sister moves out of our mom's place.

On Friday, after letting me know he'd gotten home safely, he apologized to me. I'm not sure how sincere it was, but I won't worry about that right now.

My husband and I do plan on having at least one more child, so we might convert the office space into a nursery in the future.

There's also the possibility of moving to a bigger place, but either way, a guest bedroom will never be a priority. For now, I'm more than satisfied with our living situation. I'm also glad we were able to deal with this peacefully, and my son's first Christmas was perfect. Thanks, everyone. Happy 2025!

The comments kept coming.

slendermanismydad wrote:

"I shared a room with my sister for 6 years so he could have a guest bedroom he barely used."

He's an AH.

OP responded:

I didn't get my own bedroom until we moved to a different place when I was 17, and even then he wanted us to share again. I love my father, but I'm glad we don't live together anymore.

ravenmn wrote:

You handled this just right! Some of us simply aren't comfortable having someone else in our house and it's OK to say so. So glad your family had a good holiday!!

girlyborb wrote:

Glad things seem to have worked out! I don't want anyone to think they can stay over night, so while we have a "guest room," it is used soley as storage and has a single desk with a printer. No place to even put a bed.

Avahomies wrote:

Glad you stood your ground! Your dad expecting a permanent hotel suite in your home is wild. Prioritizing your family and sanity over playing host 24/7 is totally valid. Mattress-on-the-floor life is just part of the guest struggle sometimes—he'll live.

The futon plan sounds like a win-win for future visits without sacrificing your space. Congrats on navigating the drama and having an awesome first Christmas for your baby!