'AITA for selling an heirloom of my ex-husband’s family?'
"AITA for selling an heirloom of my ex-husband’s family?"
When I (36F) married my ex-husband (40M), my MIL gave me a diamond ring that was in her family for several generations, as a wedding gift. We divorced after 7 years, primarily because he decided he no longer wanted children (we’d both wanted them when we got married).
At some point not too long after we separated, I remembered about the ring and asked my MIL if I could return to her since it was an heirloom. She wouldn’t hear of it and said it was mine, and stressed that it was a gift. I am now happy in a new relationship, with a young child. I have no idea what to do with the ring, so it just sits in its box.
It is a beautiful ring but it’s old and the stones are not set very securely (the jeweller mentioned this when it was cleaned to be gifted to me) so I have only worn it on very rare occasions and was always nervous when wearing it. My partner says it is inappropriate to keep it, since I’m not married to him any more and suggested I should sell it.
If it were just a normal ring I wouldn’t hesitate, but since it was an heirloom I feel guilty about the prospect. It’s not hugely valuable (maybe £1-2K) but we are very short of money and it seems pointless having it just sit there gathering dust. So AITA if I sell someone else’s family heirloom?
EDIT:
I think I’ve slightly derailed the replies by how poorly I phrased what my partner said. He’s not the jealous or controlling type but I can see how it came across that way. I was agonizing over what to do with the ring and asked him for his opinion, and I don’t think I’ve relayed what he said very well at all.
I had suggested several possibilities for it (eg passing down to our kids, reusing the diamonds for something else like an engagement ring) and that is what he felt was inappropriate since our kids are not related to my ex-husband and obvs when he proposes he doesn’t want to use diamonds from my ex’s family ring - it was a weird suggestion to make in hindsight lol.
He doesn’t care if it’s just here in the drawer or whatever, or even if I liked wearing it he’d want me to keep it. Selling it was just his suggestion to try and stop me agonising over what to do with it.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Mechya said:
You seem to have some respect for ex-mil. She probably assumed that you would pass it down to your kids. If you want to feel like you did the right thing then reach out to her once more and tell her that you can no longer keep the ring as it doesn't feel appropriate in your current relationship and that you wanted to give her the respect of taking it back so that it isn't sold to a stranger.
You are NTA if you don't, as she told you that you can keep it after the separation, but it get it if you don't want to hurt ex-mil. Sometimes feeling good about our decision is more important than getting something material back from it.
I don't think you'd be the AH either way, but you would be super caring if you tried to return the heirloom, maybe there's a cousin with some kids to pass it on to.
GlassProfile7548 said:
YTA. Besides the family connection you will get very little cash for it. Better hand it back and let it be handed down to someone who will love it.
BriefHorror said:
NTA but I would just mail it back with a note saying your current partner is uncomfortable with you having it and that the alternative was selling it. I think she'd be happy to have it back in that case.
Load_Altruistic said:
YTA. I’m betting your ex-MIL gifted it to you so that you could continue passing it down in your own family. Selling it is a disrespect to the memory of those who had it before.
Maximum-Ear1745 said:
YTA. Don’t sell it without at the very least offering it back to your ex’s family.
Fearless_Ad1685 said:
NTA. It was a gift and your ex-MIL told you not to give it back. It's yours. Do what you want with it. But if the only reason you're getting rid of it is your new partner doesn't like having it around, he sounds really insecure.