'AITA for spoiling my girlfriend’s cousin’s engagement?' 'She has a lot of followers.'

"AITA for spoiling my girlfriend’s cousin’s engagement?"

This happened back on July 4th, but people are still sore about it. My girlfriend’s cousin (let’s call her Miranda) invited us to her place for a BBQ. A few days prior, Miranda posted a picture on Instagram of her and her boyfriend, George. It was a photo of him on one knee proposing to her.

The caption read something like “I said yes! Can’t wait to marry my love.” She has a lot of followers, and a lot of people liked it and commented with congratulations. My girlfriend and I both liked it and commented as well.

A few days later was the BBQ. George and most of her family was already there. After we got settled, we both said congratulations to them both. Everything went silent. Miranda, George, and their parents looked horrified. Miranda’s parents said, “You told them?!”

And she shook her head. Of course everyone around them was surprised and said things like “You guys are getting married?” “Congratulations!”. My gf and I instantly knew that the rest of their family didn’t know yet. It was so awkward, and Miranda and George seemed very uncomfortable.

Later, Miranda’s mom angrily took us aside and told us that it was supposed to be a surprise. George was planning on doing ANOTHER proposal at the BBQ, this time for the family.

We explained that they already announced their engagement online, and the mom told us that most of Miranda’s family doesn’t use social media. Apparently the first one was just for friends and the internet.

Later, George ended up proposing again anyway, but it felt so awkward. It seemed like it was supposed to be a big moment. The fact that everyone already knew kind of ruined it. We felt so bad.

No one really talked to us for the rest of the party. Miranda and George wouldn’t even look at us. When we left, we talked about how we shouldn’t have said anything.

Then again, we thought that it would’ve been weird if we congratulated them online and not acknowledge it when we saw them in person. We’ve been talking about whether we should have said anything. My gf said no one from that side of the family has spoke to her since. AITA, or in this case, are we?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

owls_and_cardinals said:

NTA. They announced it. They then in turn did NOT tell you "Please keep this a secret because we have a surprise planned for my family." This whole thing just REEKS.

It reeks of attention-hungry people who do the same 'announcement' repeatedly for likes and kerfuffle. It's also quite odd and awkward to me that someone would propose twice and obviously you weren't the only ones at the party who knew...

...because as soon as you said something Miranda's parents realized you knew something they also knew. Then they... still went on with a show-proposal even though it was no longer a surprise at that point? Weeeeird. The theatrics and desire for an over the top show is SO performative, which takes it into a really weird place.

If they wanted it to be a surprise to anyone at the party, the answer was to not announce it in advance, this is so basic it shouldn't need to be said... but they couldn't do that because they were sooo eager for likes.

If I were you I'd be kind of pissed. You were set up to fail and chastised for doing NOTHING wrong, and no one even stuck up for you, and now your GF is getting the silent treatment from her own family for having the audacity to congratulate her cousin on news she (cousin) had already announced.

-Jewelz- said:

NTA - I’m sorry but it’s posted online, my assumption is everyone knows UNLESS specifically specified in the post. Could you imagine having to comb through a person’s followers before you congratulate them for something they posted on social media previously. C’mon.

Also is it common to redo a proposal for other people? It probably felt awkward because the whole thing was. At that point it seems scripted and not genuine. I can understand 2 wedding ceremonies but 2 proposals where you are supposed to be a little shocked or surprised? That’s weird to me.

wesmorgan1 said:

Absolutely NTA. Once folks post something to social media, all bets are off; you can't be expected to know who does and doesn't see their social media activity.

janiemackxxx said:

NTA at all. They made a public announcement where people could see and expected no one to mention it? If they really wanted it to be a surprise they should have said that pn their post. Totally on them.

puntacana24 said:

NTA - If they wanted it to be a surprise, then why did they post it publicly? Lol. Also, how performative to stage a second proposal just for the reactions or whatever?

Dry-Operation-7355 said:

NTA - I have an idea....In stead of telling people that "It was supposed to be a surprise" after the fact, tell them "it is a surprise" before the fact. You cant read minds. This is 100% on your friends.